Anyone been diagnosed who doesn't have a 'rigid routine' ?

Hi, I have my assessment in about a month, and I'm worried as most descriptions of ASD include having a rigid routine. I don't and never really have had a particular routine. I'm not working at the moment, which means I don't have to have a routine, and I pretty much eat, sleep, go out, do chores etc whenever I feel like it. I can be very organised in some respects, and very chaotic in others. In an ideal world I would like to have more routine in my life (nothing too rigid though), in order to get things done, but never seem to be able to make this happen.

I don't like it when someone/something interrupts my plans, or when sudden changes are thrust upon me, but I'm not sure if that's the same thing.

Has anyone else been diagnosed with ASD who hasn't got a strict routine?

Parents
  • I don't like it when someone/something interrupts my plans, or when sudden changes are thrust upon me

    That's a 'marker'... also, routines can be subtle e.g. for me:

    • I wear the same clothes (shirt, short-sleeved shirt, tie) Mon-Thu with each shirt being worn twice, and 'casual' on Friday even though my workplace has a 'casual dress' policy. Anything that interrupts this cycle e.g. a Bank Holiday resulting in an odd number of 'shirt days' is stressful
    • In my wardrobe clean clothes must go in on the right side, facing left while 'worn' on the left facing right
    • There is a particular way the dishwasher must be packed
    • I always go round the supermarket the same way - going 'down' an 'up' aisle feels weird so I'll go along an aisle even if I don't need anything in it that time just so I don't end up going the wrong way

    There a fine line between 'this is what I usually/prefer to do' and 'if I can't follow my usual approach it makes me anxious' - the former is 'habit' the latter is a likely 'autistic trait'

  • Yes, I can relate to Poppy71's statement too. One of my equivalents to the supermarket sweep is that if I want to go to a shop after work I have a very strong need to go home first, even if the shop is on the way home or nearer to work than home; like I need to complete my commute before I can say "Yep, that's work over, here's leisure time, let's go to the shop & get that thing I wanted.". I *can* go on the way home, but it takes determination and mental effort. Likewise when I first met my second wife, I used to have to go to *my* rented place "to check my emails" before going to hers. What I know now is that I was going to mine to become grounded and "home" before venturing out again & avoid the plain weirdness of going straight to hers.

    I used to hate things at school that interrupted the routine - even "good" things like "bring your toys in day" or sports day. I would sigh inwardly when lunchtime came, because then I'd be bored.

Reply
  • Yes, I can relate to Poppy71's statement too. One of my equivalents to the supermarket sweep is that if I want to go to a shop after work I have a very strong need to go home first, even if the shop is on the way home or nearer to work than home; like I need to complete my commute before I can say "Yep, that's work over, here's leisure time, let's go to the shop & get that thing I wanted.". I *can* go on the way home, but it takes determination and mental effort. Likewise when I first met my second wife, I used to have to go to *my* rented place "to check my emails" before going to hers. What I know now is that I was going to mine to become grounded and "home" before venturing out again & avoid the plain weirdness of going straight to hers.

    I used to hate things at school that interrupted the routine - even "good" things like "bring your toys in day" or sports day. I would sigh inwardly when lunchtime came, because then I'd be bored.

Children
  • It's taken me decades to be able to chill enough and understand that nothing bad will happen if we are on the way home from somewhere (so my mission is "drive home") and my wife says - that pub looks nice, shall we stop for a coffee?

    Your story also reminds me of the mounting frustration I had as a child visiting my gran with my mother, and my mother said "Right! We must be going!" and stood up, only to take a good 15 minutes to get from the chair to the door, remembering ten other things to pause and chat about on the way.

  • I’m the same about stopping somewhere after work!  It’s like an urge to have to go home first.  I sometimes pick my dog up from my mums house if she’s been there while I’m at work, and if my mum offers me a cup of tea I get angry, because no! I don’t want a cup of tea! I need to get home!