Anyone been diagnosed who doesn't have a 'rigid routine' ?

Stuff like have the same interests my entire life and spending so many hours in them, having to be constantly moving( pacing a lot,moving my legs around a lot occasionally rocking back and forth, moving side to side when standing up, playing with my hair a lot, tapping, and fiddling with objects, and having sensitivity to sound are my main symptoms. I can’t make eye contact, I’ve only had one friend my entire life and I’m really introverted, I often take jokes too literal, i can’t express my feelings well and I have low empathy. Out of all the common symptoms, following as routine is the only I don’t care for since most of my activities are unpredictable and how long they should take.

SHOULD I TRY TO GET A DIAGNOSIS?

Castle said:

It helps ease any anxiety.

This... this is the key - autism is essentially an anxiety disorder, all the routines, insistence on sameness etc. are about reducing/removing sources of anxiety.

The up-front planning that people have described - reduces anxiety.

If you're driving 20 minutes to the shops rather than going to the ones 5 minutes away it may be that there is a better choice, better parking etc. BUT consider that these might be 'rationalisations' which cover the underlying "...because I'd rather drive an extra 15 minutes than deal with the stress of going somewhere different"

The stuff where you say "But everyone does that, don't they?" No, no they don't... most people (NTs) probably don't do a Google Streetview run-through of an unfamiliar journey, they just stick the SatNav on and 'wing it'.

It's not until you get an external perspective on things that are totally normal (perhaps essential) to you that you realise how different you/we are...

...and you wonder how NTs actually get anything done!

The key is, the tiny things that drive us into shutdown/meltdown through overload - scratchy clothes labels, noises, smells, touch, flickering lights, illogical arguments, people not saying what they really mean, poor grammar on signs/documents etc. etc. etc. are largely invisible to NTs...

It's like they're walking around with polarised blinkers on plus special directional headphones that only pick up the stuff they're interested in - they can filter out the 'noise'...

To bastardise Taylor Swift's 'Out of the woods":

The NT world is black and white
But we are in screaming colour

I usually fill up at the weekend when we do the weekly shop but if we have a busy weekend and I drive a lot, filling up on a Wednesday fills me with anger! I usually forget to go on the way home, refuse to go back out and leave myself with no choice but to go in the morning meaning I have to disrupt my morning routine to leave a bit earlier! You really cannot procrastinate with filling up!!

Yep, and I even have trouble going for petrol at my favourite petrol station "on the way home"!. This is despite having trained as an advanced driver to the level where I qualified to teach others - and that qualification doesn't stop me getting anxious about driving to new places (though it does help).

Yes, the parking for me is a major factor, I hate having to dither and look for somewhere to park, especially if there's someone behind me, I need to know in advance exactly where I can park.

No problem going off topic - this is generally a place where people do understand, and one topic leads to another & gives lots of "hey, I never thought of that!" moments.

It's taken me decades to be able to chill enough and understand that nothing bad will happen if we are on the way home from somewhere (so my mission is "drive home") and my wife says - that pub looks nice, shall we stop for a coffee?

Your story also reminds me of the mounting frustration I had as a child visiting my gran with my mother, and my mother said "Right! We must be going!" and stood up, only to take a good 15 minutes to get from the chair to the door, remembering ten other things to pause and chat about on the way.

Driving somewhere new is a major one for me, and I nearly always go to the same petrol station (I don't even consider the price, not that I'm rich, it's just that it's familiar).

I also study Google maps/road view intensely - especially major motorway junctions/roundabouts, I virtually drive round it and look at the road markings, so I'm sure where my exit is and what lane I should be in, as they tend to confuse me, and the stress of either coming off at the wrong exit or having to go round again is too much. Thanks also to Google Maps for recalculating and directing me after I've taken a wrong turn! 

Castle said:

thoroughly investigated where it is where I can park

Yes! This is a very important part! It's no good planning on getting to a venue, as most people do, you have to plan to go to where you intend on parking! Lot's of people miss this. It's also about finding the best parking prices too, I'll look that up as well!

I went away in Wales at the start of the year and the place was that new you couldn't see it on Google maps. This sent my stress levels through the roof! Luckily I received a courtesy phone call from the place and luckily I picked up because I usually don't, I HATE talking on the phone. I used the opportunity to find out about the road and asked why it wasn't on Google maps! She was a lovely lady and put my mind at ease.

I'm exactly the same as Cloud7 with going to new destinations. I won't go somewhere new unless I have planned and thoroughly investigated where it is where I can park ect. I mentioned to my assessor about the great help GoogleMaps is for me when having to venture out of my comfort zone. It helps ease any anxiety.

I'm exactly the same as ENG with regards to going to the barbers. I go to the same one because a family friend works there, even though I've now moved away and it's about a 20 minute drive each way.

I also go to the same shops and petrol stations to and from work. There are some I'll never go to. I would run out of petrol a lot because I'd avoid a certain garage! It was always priced higher and so I associated it with being ripped off so I'd never go. 11 years I've been driving past it! I forced myself to go there last month when prices were lower. I don't know what all the fuss was about! I'll probably never go again though! haha...

My problem with going to the shops on the way home isn't the fact it's breaking my routine as such (although I really do prefer to go straight home). My problem is forgetting, I usually get home first because I'm on autopilot and I blindly do what I do everyday. I have to use prompts to help me remember. Like this morning, it's my last day at work today so I've bought some cakes to take in because I'm that nice. But in order to remember to bring the cakes I had to make a note and stick it to the front door! I'm happy because from now on I can work from home again and wont have to socialise everyday. Knowing that I'm appearing to be incredibly social today! I really do hate it though! I'm counting down the hours!!

I hate driving somewhere new too. If I know there's going to be heavy traffic on the way home I'd rather just sit in it than go an alternate route. The stress of finding a new way, even with the help of the sat nav, outweighs the stress of sitting in traffic!

If I have to drive to a new destination I study the journey intensely on Google maps. I'll do it at street view level so that I have a real visualisation of what the roads will look like at the major route decisions. So it'll feel familiar to me when I get there for the first time - it actually works. 

That sounds ideal. I remember being a teenager and the hairdresser asked me if I was going on holiday that year. I answered 'no' (well, it was the truth, what else was I supposed to say?!) and the rest of the haircut was done in stony silence! I was aware I'd been expected to say more than that, but did't know what. Nowadays I have learned to do small talk, but I still find it stressful.

I get the enforced small talk and trying to come across like the rest of the customers. Thankfully my barber doesn't talk to me and I don't talk to them so it's quite peaceful.

I'm the opposite with dentists, I've had countless different dental practices, partly because I've moved a lot, partly because I didn't like some  - insisting on charging to see a hygienist first I found ridiculous and money grabbing. Another reason is that I didn't like the attitude of many dentists - being told to 'calm down' in a patronising voice, and looked at like I was being a drama queen by a dental nurse when I was in pain/distress and had a mouth full of metal equipment which meant I couldn't speak, and was trying to get her attention. And general bad attitudes by dentists and staff - I know I'm sensitive to such things, but I still won't tolerate rude people. I'm digressing from the original subject, I know!

So this is still suggesting I don't have much of a routine - since I found out how easy it was to change dentists, I keep it in mind, as it means  I don't have to tolerate any behaviour/attitude that makes me uncomfortable. (This may also be because I don't process things until later on, so politely put up with things at the time, and often leave it too late to complain)

Sorry for going off topic - this forum brings up all sorts of issues, and it's good to discuss them with people who seem to understand!

Hmm, I didn't think of going to the same supermarket/hairdressers etc as being part of a routine. I find myself unthinkingly going to the same shops/supermarkets, but don't most people? I do usually go to the same High Street for shopping, even though I moved a couple of years ago, so it's now a 20 minute drive, rather than 5 minutes, but that's more because it has a good selection of shops and I know where I can park, and like the area. 

However, every now and then, when I think about it, I do try and go somewhere different, but I find navigating my way around a big supermarket stressful, until I get used to it. Plus I get stressed driving somewhere new, and not being totally sure where to park. But once I get used to somewhere new I do use it as another option, as I can get different products at different supermarkets.

As for hairdressers, I haven't been to one for about 25 years, as I hate the chemical smells, enforced small talk and having a stranger touch me/be in my personal space. Plus, most hairdressers never listened properly on how I wanted my hair cut, so I'd often go home and cry!

Yes I get that. I've been at the same dentist's practice for about 25 years, really liked it there & found a kind of pleasure in accruing 25 years! Now my old dentist has retired and there's really no reason to stay, and if I joined the practice my wife goes to we would get a small discount. But my old dentist is near work and, ironically, I *do* go on the way home! But, can I move? No. I've been trying to get the courage to ask for a "leaver's letter" for about 5 years but a) I'd feel disloyal, b) I'd worry that I'd lose out on something, c) I'd have to go to a new place on the way home. Sounds so trivial, but there's such a mental effort needed to do it. And yet at work, one of my mainstay skills is - if it isn't working, change it! Courage people!

In my opinion regarding rigid routines I also feel that you can have one and then let it go and end up finding out you have another one.

For example from the age of 11 I used to get my hair cut at this particular barbers until I was about 28. This also ment taking a 30 mins drive when I moved from living close by because I needed the same person to cut my hair the same way.

After 17 years I met a new girlfriend and she was a barber and I decided to let her cut my hair even though I was anxious. After this it made me realise what was I worrying about all along? 

I now can use a different barbers but obviously I still get my same haircut.

I hope it makes sense.

I’m the same about stopping somewhere after work!  It’s like an urge to have to go home first.  I sometimes pick my dog up from my mums house if she’s been there while I’m at work, and if my mum offers me a cup of tea I get angry, because no! I don’t want a cup of tea! I need to get home! 

Ok thanks, that's a good idea to print the results and take them with you, i think I'll do the same.

Yes, I can relate to Poppy71's statement too. One of my equivalents to the supermarket sweep is that if I want to go to a shop after work I have a very strong need to go home first, even if the shop is on the way home or nearer to work than home; like I need to complete my commute before I can say "Yep, that's work over, here's leisure time, let's go to the shop & get that thing I wanted.". I *can* go on the way home, but it takes determination and mental effort. Likewise when I first met my second wife, I used to have to go to *my* rented place "to check my emails" before going to hers. What I know now is that I was going to mine to become grounded and "home" before venturing out again & avoid the plain weirdness of going straight to hers.

I used to hate things at school that interrupted the routine - even "good" things like "bring your toys in day" or sports day. I would sigh inwardly when lunchtime came, because then I'd be bored.