I Was introduced to a guy a few years ago who I learnt is autistic, he lives alone, is fully independent, has a very good job.
He added me on Facebook then started messaging me, I replied however he then started measuring me daily or twice a day. I told him it was too much to which he cut it down for a week or so than it starts again. I don't know what to say next? I don't want to be cruel but neither do I want constant contact. I've tried ignoring him then he gets a bit funny!
Also to add I swim a lot so he's started to swim. I guess I'm asking what to say to him next, is he a stalker or is this part of his autism? I have no idea.
Likely it’s his autism but often gets misinterpreted as stalking. Hopefully you can have a conversation with him about this preferably with a mutual person present to agree an acceptable way forwards that you are both happy with
If you told him that his contact was too much but did not say exactly how much contact you consider acceptable it would be difficult for him to measure what you mean if he is autistic. Then it is easy for the contact to become more and more . Perhaps tell him that you are very busy and only have time to read his messages on a Thursday (example of day) This will give him a day to look forward to and you the kind of contact you want to continue. As for the swimming, when you find a friend you tend to want to do what the friend does because our autism can make it difficult for us to understand how to be sociable or social. If you do not like it then please remember that if he is doing this through his autism he will not necessarily see your side of the coin. Equally our autism is not an excuse for our behaviour. Instead, we may be behaving in a way that we consider to be friendly or nice but might be overwhelming to others. In this case we are not stalking you and we ask only that you find a way to help us to get it right. If your autistic friend cannot get it right for you then I am afraid he never will until you show him what getting it right for you means. We do not always pick up on social nuances, suggestions that do not give a structure to time, hidden meanings, hidden agendas, indirect comments, comments that do not give us a measure. Also, we are all different so I could not tell you if this is the same for the person of whom you speak. Instead you may be able to answer your own question by thinking about how clear you might be being to this gentleman about what you consider is "too much" and what is uncomfortable to you. This is very tricky for you because our behaviours sometimes mirror things in society that are considered wrong or worrying., Good luck.
Thankyou for replying. It's very difficult as I find myself answering him in a stroppy way when it's yet another message asking nothing important, then i feel bad! he has picked up on the stroppiness and asked if everythings ok so he clearly does pick up on certain things.
If I didn't know he was autistic I'd be very worried, as it is I'm trying my best to be understanding.
I'd say, be honest with him and say you'd just want to be friends and nothing more. Direct communication is much better for people with autism, even if it may seem a bit hurtful.
I'd also say, from my own experience, that it's not necessarily to do with his autism. He is clearly interested in you and in having a fairly close relationship. In my experience guys often think the person they're interested in is either playing hard to get or will come round in time, so you can often meet a guy who won't back off...
Maybe, if you just find the one-on-one with him too much at the moment, you could arrange to meet up with him in a group context.