Hi all, I was told I would need to go private if I want diagnosis. I cant afford this and want to know why I am the way I am. I'm considering saving to go private. 

I usually score high on those online tests.

I was told my son was autistic at the age of 3 years old. All through school I'd come up with strategies to help him cope that schools hadent thought of. I was a single mum with no family help for most of his time growing up which was hard. 

He was a handful but I felt I could understand him more than anyone else. (For example pressure type hugs when he was overwhelmed or breaks away from school at lunch time but I thought everyone should know and understand his needs).

A quick bit about my childhood, i always thought i was adopted, one day a family would arrive and say we're taking you home and I'd fit in and finally belong! 

At primary school I spent lunches walking around the playground holding the dinner ladies hand, wouldn't use the toilets as they smelt so I'd wet myself until age 11. Wouldn't eat lunch as the lunch hall smelt weird and was too much.

High school I found aplace to hide on my own around the back of the school. 

I'd always tried making friends but didnt understand why I couldn't or why people said things they didnt mean. I'd be too generous and honest which lead to me being taken advantage of way into my twenties.

I've had people say I have no expression and my voice is the same with no expression. So I've practiced and now my husband says I use my eyebrows too much! 

I hang up on people or talk over them as I find phones tricky

I hate eye contact, someone made me so uncomfortable recently as he kept trying to stare into my eyes everytime I looked away.

I have to think about what i need to say and often write scripts to help me especially if I'm on the phone. I used this in my last job but my manager yelled at me to hurry up and make the calls. 

I've been told by many people I'm naive. I've also been told I come across stuck up, I also say things that cause offence (I honestly dont mean to), 

I tried taking my life once and looking back at it with my gp she wondered if it was a meltdown. 

Due to my possible meltdown I still get called mental by my inlaws which upsets me greatly.

Loud places are uncomfortable to my ears.i cant hear if someones talking to me as all I can hear are people scraping cutlery, chairs scraping, doors closing etc 

At night I can hear the noise of the fridge, freezer etc even though their behind another door downstairs and it bugs me that I cant sleep easily

I'm straight forward with people and try to be tactful but fail alot. 

I'm super clumsy, I get injured so much. 

I had OCD as a child 

I feel I'm born out of era maybe, I love the 1940s 

I get obsessed with plants so much that all I think about is gardening related, watch shows, read, forums and spare time gardening/growing/allotment.

I cant think of anything else right now. It's just annoying I cant get a yes or no. I want to know why I'm so different.

  • Hi Mouse

    Welcome aboard.

    I think a lot of what you say is common to many of us on here.  

    I had a private diagnosis but it was paid for by my company's health insurance.

    Good luck with it all.

  • Thank you for replying it means alot. How did you find the private diagnosis process? 

  • Plastic I feel I need to thank you: I'm about to go back to an old employer to work from home again (I've made a conscious decision to start living within my limitations for a change!). They are a huge employer and offer a private health care plan. I never took advantage of it before but your post sparked my brain into gear! I'm looking forward to going back so much more now!

    Can I ask what the experience was like going private and what the waiting list were like etc? 

  • Crazy fast.

    I was having difficulties relating to our young daughter and a friend's wife (a teacher) mentioned i showed a lot of the traits so I popped along to the GP, was referred through the company insurance scheme and was diagnosed within a couple of weeks.   

    It was that fast.

    I don't really do emotions so I just took it as a block of data to assimilate.

    Looking back, I can see how my AS 'disabilities' had been used against me so many times.  I am very poor at working out people's true motives and intentions.

  • Hi Mouse,

    I used to play with the dinner ladies at primary school too! I specifically remember it being autumn and we would throw the helicopter seeds in the air :) 

    My experience of high school was much different. I learnt to adapt socially and began the process of wearing my many masks to hide who I really am. In basic principle I mimicked the language and traits of who I was talking to. As a result I was able to 'get on' with every type of character at high school, from the 'geeks' to the 'cool kids'. I still use this method to fit in as an adult, only now I'm beginning to fail as the pressures of life continue to add up..

    You're not different, you're just you. (I need to remind myself that though..)

  • The diagnosis was just a pleasant chat with the shrink (can't remember his name - he was the top man at the time) and I guess he was doing all the written tests verbally with me - it was a nice couple of hours - talking about nerdy stuff too.

    The report came through a week later and the phrase "Clearly has Asperger's" appears many times. Smiley

  • As a result I was able to 'get on' with every type of character at high school, from the 'geeks' to the 'cool kids'. I still use this method to fit in as an adult, only now I'm beginning to fail as the pressures of life continue to add up..

    I did that.  I created an big, extrovert personality to cover for my inabilities.  Everyone accepts extroverts acting weird.  Shy people acting weird are a target for a bully.

    I managed to become a chartered engineer being an extrovert - but a brain injury brought it all crashing down a few years ago - and now my brain can't manage the masking anymore.

  • Everyone accepts extroverts acting weird.  Shy people acting weird are a target for a bully.

    That is so accurate!

    So without masking how do you find life? Is it a relief? Hope you don't mind me asking

  • I'm totally open - feel free to ask me anything.

    I've analysed my behaviours and capabilities so I know my weaknesses so I know when I'm likely to be out of my depth and need support.

    I'm vulnerable to people manipulating me so I need someone with me in important meetings to look after my interests.

    I have many skills and hobbies so I can do anything technical better than anyone else so I have to be careful not to make others feel incompetent around me - this can be seen as arrogance - mailny because I can't pick up what other people feel until it's obvious.

    I tend to mask (lifetime habit) but I can't do it for long.  i get very tired now.

    I tend to miss out the start and end of conversations (the fluffy bits) and trend to concentrate on the 'meat' of the conversation so I'm seen as being a bit blunt.

    I've come to accept the those who care about me don't mind, and those who mind don't care about me..

  • Hi cloud, I didnt notice but I too started to mimic and mask! Something I've only just found out. But I'd tire from doing this all day at work. I'd even wear similar clothes! I didnt know that I was doing it. If people message me I even mimic then for instance if someone adds 4 xxxx I add 4 xxxxx at the end of the message. I'm trying to socialise once a week but find I want to be alone for a day after at least. In that time alone I'll feel on edge and listen to 1940s stories whilst gardening