Published on 12, July, 2020
I had the first part of my assessment today. I don't really have anyone that I would like to take along to the second part or ask for their input, but is there a questionnaire for parents or relatives that is often used that I can download/read somewhere? I can't tell my mum that I'm doing this assessment but I am wondering if I can ask her some questions without disclosing what it's for. But I don't know which questions.
I'm quite stressed about the whole thing and keep switching between thinking I am wasting their time, I am not autistic, and thinking this would explain so much. But then I think of things that I did as a child that are not stereotypically autistic and then I think I must be wrong.
Hello. I felt the same as you initially. I asked my GP to be referred for assessment almost two years ago and after the screening appointment last summer I began a full assesment at the beginning of November 2018. I had no intention of telling my parents unless I got a diagnosis but there didn't really seem like any other option. The psychologist said they would be unable to diagnose me without information from someone who knows me well, and there was no one else to ask. So in the end I just picked up the phone and told them. It was rather awkward but they were actually much more accepting than I expected. My dad has found it difficult and always has an answer to counteract anything I say as evidence ,but I've had a few good conversations with my mum and she was able to think of some things from my childhood that I was unaware of. The thing that worried me about telling them was that I have spent 35 years trying extremely hard to pretend that I don't find a lot of things extremely hard and have always tried to present myself in a certain way to my parents to try to hide my social difficulties. So telling them about my assessment has meant exposing myself to them and admitting my difficulties, and so I will find this very hard if I do not get a diagnosis. However, I can at least tell them that I did have good reason to consider a diagnosis, or I wouldn't have gotten past the screening appointment. Also there will be a greater level of openness between us which may improve our relationship in the long run.
I also totally understand what you said about your feelings of doubt and feeling like you are wasting their time. But I suspect that if you have identified things in yourself that suggest autism you are very likely to have done a huge amount of research and self evaluation (as I have!) and I don't think you would have gotten so far without very good reason.
Sorry just realised that I didn't actually answer your question!
No worries at all, anything is helpful x I just don't think I can tell her, as with you it would lead to so many follow up questions and I would have to explain myself so much at the risk of being mocked or at least not being taken seriously. She's also not trustworthy and would tell everyone about it. I would prefer to just be able to ask but I have a very strange relationship with my parents and I don't feel ready to do that. But I'm worried it will mean that I won't be able to get a diagnosis either way which is my worst case scenario, being told they don't have enough infomation.My appointment today didn't even go badly and everyone was really friendly but I feel extremely low and stressed out about it now. I thought getting the first appointment out of the way would relieve some of the stress but I feel worse somehow.
It's totally understandable that you feel stressed after your appointment. It is a very intense process and I know I spent a lot of time after my appointment going over and over what I said.