Several times a week I walk along the seafront where I live and drink copious amounts of rum. I talk to imaginary friends and have a good old time. I'm slowly killing myself. I'm one of the last big drinkers.
I worry about you sometimes, I really do. It sounds like you're struggling a bit with things. Is there anyone that can help you? Or as someone else suggested, talk with us, we are happy to help and support you as best we can.
I'm on the ropes but haven't given up yet. (Why did I have to use that metaphor? A) Metaphors are too commonplace and B) I hate boxing!)
There's no one I can think of offline who can help.
After 3 days drinking back-to-back I'm sober today. Baking three potatoes in the oven to have for lunch. Just brushed my teeth to get the alcohol scent and flavour out too.
I won't drink for the rest of the week now, it's the weekend when I'm likely to feel the temptation strongly again.