I'm emotionally unstable

I'm pleased if it has helped you in some way.  Yes, stopping the drink was hard because it was tied up with so much complex emotional stuff, particularly around relationships.  I also drank to give myself confidence socially, and could never think of going into any situation with other people (including at work) without some drink inside me. Nowadays I barely even think about it, and can be reasonably relaxed and 'me' in company.  Though I still prefer to be alone.

Have you ever read John Healy's 'The Grass Arena'?  If not, look it up and give it a try.  It's a harrowing account of life on the margins of alcoholism and homelessness.  Healy finally found the route to redemption and survival when he discovered an aptitude for chess.  But it could easily have been an aptitude for writing, such as you yourself demonstrate.  Good luck.

Stress does me too - I can deal with most other things one way or another but nagging stress kills me - it literally makes me ill.

Why not chat with your contact person about getting you into something like that?   It must be worth it to them to help you find where you fit.

Stress I think mainly triggers my problems, worrying too much, misunderstanding things.

Those kind of things are a bit different to what I'm into but if you enjoy it I'm glad you found something worthwhile. I'm not really a hands-on practical person, I'm clumsy.

Maybe I could find something involving a library or record keeping. That would probably be more something I'd feel in my element in. I like doing research.

Sounds interesting -  I've no idea about story books - I'm purely reading non-fiction geeky stuff.

I'd go nuts in a charity shop too - my idea of hell.  Do you know what triggers your problems?  Is it stress or depression?

I'm looking at Mens Shed right now - it's for old farts to do 'good things' while making/fixing/creating/repairing things for the community and having a laugh with power tools.  

If I was younger I'd be looking for out-doors stuff getting involved with groups doing landscaping or forestry management or getting involved with the canal groups or even with museums or preseved railways - something where you're only in a very small group making big things happen and learning some skills. 

Also, there's a good chance that because it's very specialist - you'd find more Aspies in that environment so the environment would be made Aspie-friendly for themselves.

Building up a track record of good deeds can open doors for you.

The scouts are always looking for helpers - but that's probably down the line if you sort yourself out.   Trouble with the police can eventually limit what you can do.  

I find your story inspiring.  Thank you. I like what you have to say because it resonates with my own experience. Outside agencies seem hostile to me at the moment (though there may be some more helpful ones I'm unaware of). I think you're probably right, I need to mainly find a way myself of stopping the demon drink from tempting me. 

It did help me sharing this here. I quite like the fictionalised memoir idea too. 

You did well to have faith and get to where you are now. Who knows, maybe I can get to a better place too.

The current book I'm working on is a choose your own path adventure book. I used to read them as a child and I thought it would be interesting to make one for adults. So it's a romantic adventure, where each chapter presents two choices and that affects which chapter is next. So possibly that could become my niche, choose your own path books for grown ups.

Maybe I should try volunteering again, any ideas of what might suit me? I'd like something where people are up for intellectual conversation. I was a fish out of water when I was in charity shops and a community kitchen.

Reading this was like reading large chunks of my own life story.  The drinking, the suicide attempts, the cells, the alienation, the Kafkaesque nightmare.  I don't think I can offer much to help you because we all have our own roads to tread and each of us has to do it in our own way, working through these difficulties as best we can or not, hoping it will all come to an end but never sure how that will happen.  For me, for what it may be worth (and please, this isn't me telling you what to do), my turning point came when I was able to finally stop drinking.  But it took a lot of time and effort, with attendance at specialist units and detoxs, and it was the hardest thing I've ever done, because it was essentially about making a 'do or die' decision.  Then it was about trying to make my life as simple and manageable as possible, and also for me that meant having to forego emotional relationships for a long time.  I had to make a decision about what I wanted from life and whether I even wanted to continue living it.  I decided I did.  But I couldn't all the while my emotions were all over the place, because it kept drawing me back to the bottle and making suicide seem the best and only option.  All I can say is, it was incredibly hard.  Even now I'm still struggling along.  But sobriety and simplicity are certainly helping me.  I didn't really find any answers in any outside agencies, who mostly seemed hostile or indifferrent to me.  Even my family.  Mostly I had to rely on myself.  Which meant having some faith in myself, which I'd almost been conditioned not to have, having been rejected at every juncture by people and society.  Like I said, I don't know if any of this can be helpful to you, but I thought you might be comforted at least to hear from a fellow traveller in those tunnels.  I hope things will work out for you.  I'm glad you shared this, and I hope the sharing has also helped you in some way to begin to make sense of things.  I find that writing it all down constantly, in the starkest details, usually helps me.  Just as a thought, have you considered writing a memoir, even if it's a fictionalised one?  Would putting it all down be a way of attempting to deal with it?

The only other 'advice' I would give is to go easy on yourself.  You are not an idiot.  Nor are you a drunk, a loser, a waster or any other name you might think of calling yourself (I called myself all of them too).  You are unwell.  And you are a human being, as entitled to help and a voice as anyone else.

No, I caught the volunteers part - it's just because you don't fit with one set, you might fit with others that are more what you're looking for.  (I'm having great difficulty finding where I 'fit' too.) 

I get what you say about groups - I find I'd be lucky to find 1 or 2 people to talk to in a group - most are not compatible with me - I'm too nerdy for most - Im a typical Apserger's data sponge.

Cycling and walking can be a good start - it's better to find people who at least have some common interests.

How do you think you can generate enough writing to become successful?  Most people pump out tons of material and success seems to be about finding your niche - what's yours?

I don't think you fully understand. I appreciate your reply anyway.

I already explained volunteering doesn't work because other volunteers don't get along with me. Seems you didn't pick that up from my post.

I'm going to try a cycling and walking group with a support worker, but I think you seem to have overlooked that I have support needs and might not be able to do things on my own like volunteering. I've got English, Maths and Science GCSEs.

I was diagnosed with Asperger's about 17 years ago. One psychiatrist considered diagnosing me with bipolar too.

I'd like to be a successful novelist. Already wrote one but wasn't very well received. Am trying to write a second, have wrote one long chapter but no more yet, I'm not much of a people person. I just feel the need for a strong bond with one or two people, dealing with groups of people is something I find very hard. 

Sorry you're having a rough time of it.  It looks like you're in a loop where you keep repeating the behaviours so the outcome will always be the same.  Realistically, they way to break the cycle is just do something different.  Easier said than done.

What would you like your life to be?  Are you diagnosed ASD?  When you get in trouble with the police, do they know you're autistic? 

btw - the police are there to inconvenience you for inconveniencing society - they won't have a lot of sympathy for your behaviour - why would they?

Are there any volunteer placements around where you can be around some chilled-out adults that can help you get onto a different path?  (sort of like explorer scouts for adults?)  but it takes a will to do it.

Do you have any qualifications or skills that you can use?