I’ve posted before. Feeling worse every day for years, but really feel at the end now as not bothering getTing out of bed , isolating myself, can only see comfort in ending it all. Feel a burden to my lovely family, arrested by police for trying to get rid of suicidal thinking, my story only told in a dreadful way all over papers and internet and tv. Humiliation shame . This is the cause of many suicides. Seeing professionals but they have made things worse.
probably my last post here.
seems like lots of teenagers, but I am older and a doctor
i hope this is not the end but run out of hope now
Stay here with us, mate. I have suicidal ideations every day of my life. But I stay here because I'm still interested in what might happen next. I'm older, too. 60 next month. I don't really feel I have much to live for. But I still want to live to find out.
You can't know if it can get better if you don't give it the chance.
So stay here...
I don't want to die ,but with so much shame humiliation and disability, living is very hard and my children don't really need me any more. I am a pain in the neck for my wife. Just an income stream.
6 years of "giving it a chance" ??
Depression can trick you into believing you aren't of any value to anyone, when that definitely isn't the case.
It is THE hardest thing trying to lift yourself out of that mindset but you're doing all the right things by reaching out and talking to people.
Everyone on this forum will want you to be safe and well.
There's an old saying:
When is the best time to plant a tree? 20 years ago.
When is the 2nd best time to plant a tree? Right now.
It's never too late to do anything and to turn your life around but rigidly sticking to an old / obsolete / broken plan may not be helping you.
Obviously, there's a whole load of complicated stuff that can't be sorted out on here, but have you looked at what kind of comfortable life you can make out of what you have? I always had dreams of huge house in the country and a Ferrari on the drive - but that ain't going to happen - so one has to cut one's cloth to suit.
If you cut the money out of the equation, what is actually important to you?
We make about 15% each year each on our investment!. Whereas tax man will take 40% of all if i die . So 55% difference. JUst got outstanding. Nursing homes are now good business if big enough and good eough
If it's up and running then let the money roll in. Nothing can force you to sell your share. So what can you do to re-arrange your other life pressures?
Plastic said:It's also not as lucrative as people think when you have to meet CQC standards - failure to meet standards is why many are forced to close.
I've been quite astonished in my care career at the number of places that get 'good' ratings from CQC when they very definitely have not been good. The first company I worked for was privately-owned, with houses around the country. The director was a retired banker who drove everywhere in a top-of-the-range black SUV with tinted windows - like a drug dealer or Mafia don. The home I was based in charged high rates, yet the clients generally ate 'savers' food. That was bad enough... but then (in my final year there) the food budget was slashed by 25%. Clearly, the shareholders weren't happy with their dividends that year.
It's why I'll only work for charities now.
I personally hold all care homes in suspicion. I don't believe they can ever be ran for the benefit of the residents. Not to say there are some good people working them, no doubt there are. But I have read enough social work magazines to know that nothing ever changes.
I've been in the good and the bad. The place I work in now is probably the best I've encountered. The quality of care shows in so many ways, and money is spent where it should be.
My dad was in several care homes in his final years. He kept kicking up about conditions, so they would get rid of him as a troublemaker. Looking back, with the benefit of my own experience in the sector, I can see that he was justified in his complaints.
The worst place I worked was my first job - the one mentioned in my comment above. Institutional abuse going on. Penny-pinching. Eventually, a resident died through negligence. That was what did it for me. They sold out soon afterwards to a larger organisation. No doubt the director did very nicely out of that, thank you very much.
It's complicated as there is definitely one of the other directors who is looking to buy the whole business for his own family (atthe going rate) and has pursuaded the other directors that with nursing staff shortages in the UK now and the fact we are 25 years old, that it is time to move on! He is many millions rich and very good business man
I'll bet he didn't get rich by being generous or nice to people.
What are your other priorities apart from the money?
I'm glad there are people like you working in the sector. I personally have no faith but at least I am sure someone like you would give a damn if untoward things were going on.
I had a mental breakdown on holiday in France once and (it's not quite the same but) I got involuntarily sent to a mental hospital where I saw some shoddy things. A woman who was pinned down by three male staff members, screaming, and had her trousers pulled down and an injection stuck up her bottom.
An anorexic woman who was bullied by staff and told she would never leave until she ate everything the canteen served (even though all the food was absolutely terrible and she was a vegetarian and they didn't cater for veggies).
There was also a low-functioning Autistic young man in the hospital who was taken into a private room and dressed and washed every day, and the fact this young man couldn't communicate at all worried me, as no one came in to check on his welfare, and if anyone was treating him badly no one would have known.
By reaching out do you mean you were trying to help the person who hurt you financially?
I have a lot of trouble getting NTs to accept that my motives are what they call 'altruistic' when I try to help them. I mean, it *is* altruistic, just I don't think of it that way because I don't TRY to be charitable or give up anything or work at it : it is just the way my mind is built. If I see something broken, and by something I might mean a person, or a group of people, or a business: it is almost irresistible for me to try and 'fix' it. However 'fix' presents itself in my mind. E.g. make the person who hurt me not be able to hurt other people in the future. Or... make the person who hurt me forgive themselves and also be less likely to hurt anyone else because I changed how they saw things. Ask a local business owner to put their signs where they are more visible. Re-arrange the scattered goods on a shelf in Marshalls so they look more organized and attractive for the other shoppers. I'm a do-gooder but it isn't because I have any kind of virtue. Meaning I don't try for this, I don't pray and sacrifice and put my personal life on hold - I'm actually hard wired to want to fix stuff. I tell the NTs they don't owe me any more than they would owe a Roomba that wandered into their store and vacuumed their floor. I'm just doing what I auto do. If they kick the Roomba, it will proceded to vacuum over the part of the floor it got kicked to. Cheerfully. That's what I'm doing. No future payback anticipated or needed. I only get frustrated, continuing with the Roomba analogy, if you turn me up on my belly and I can't such dirt up off floors anymore. I just want to do what I do.
That's probably over-explanation if you are ND or autistic like me. But I have a feeling I would still need to hit the NTs over the head with my Roomba explanation a few more times before they'd maybe, maybe begin to believe it.
So is *that* what you mean be reaching out? I don't know, see, if it s an autistic trait or just my personal trait to want so badly to fix everybody.