Published on 12, July, 2020
I've just realised, partly from coming on here and reading some of the threads and partly from getting my diagnosis I have more confidence than I realise.
It relates to just saying No, I still struggle greatly with arguing my point in a discussion and often crawl back into my shell but now if I'm asked to do something I don't agree with or go on a works night out and I don't want to go I now just say no, when I'm asked why I say because I don't want to. This has just come as a revelation, whats more people dont even bother to question it any more because well you just can't argue with No!
Or maybe I care less what they think? I don't know but I'm seeing it as a positive step forward.
Does anybody else get this?
Yes I also have had the revelation that it's OK to say no. Someone I know has a wonderful saying - "No." is a complete sentence.
Like you I've had the confidence to say no to social activities at work, but I have patchy abilities to say no in other areas. Sometimes I'm compromising in my mind before I know what I'm doing, and saying "yes" whilst inner stress is building when really if I listened to myself "No" would be the right answer.
I've mulled over some related stuff here too: https://community.autism.org.uk/f/adults-on-the-autistic-spectrum/15232/being-truly-yourself---the-struggle
I like that 'No is a complete sentence', The sentence could also have a comma and full stop
Nooooo,oooooooooo.
Another friend once said to me how good he felt about turning 50 and when someone said "Do you want to go to this party?" that he felt OK with simply saying "No". Taking the question at face value; "You asked did I *want* to go, and no, I don't".
The criticism I've sometimes had is "You never want to *do* anything!" to which my response now is "Yes, I do actually, I want to sit in my garden and do nothing; doing nothing is a *thing*!".
Why has the conversation died?
No I know what you mean, when I say do nothing it isn't really nothing like you doing nothing to me is watching TV or listening to music.