Friends, wanting isolation, loneliness

I'm with you on most of Number One.  I can't say I really feel isolated or lonely, though - maybe because I've spent much of my life preferring my own company, and have never really been bothered about friendships.  The understimulation or boredom can be an issue, though.  I usually try to deal with that by immersing myself in my interests - pretty much all of which don't require anyone else's input, anyway.  So... writing, reading, watching movies, playing computer games occasionally (nothing big - just Solitaire or Crazy Golf or something; I'm not interested in stuff that has hundreds of levels, RPGs, etc).  I usually find enough to keep me going.  Writing, especially, is good because it means I can drop out of 'real life' and engage in a story.  I also enjoy making memes with Gimp, or using it to create pictures.  I could use my time much more productively than I do, I know.  I could try learning a language or trying to make head or tail of quantum physics... but my concentration level with those kinds of activities is very low.  I just get bored too easily.  Generally, anything even remotely creative is usually a good way of keeping boredom at bay.

On Number Two.  Well... I know there are people who like me.  One or two of them drop me a text every now and then.  I met up with a friend on Saturday for a coffee.  We keep in touch by text, too - but I hadn't actually seen her for over a year before that.  We spent about an hour together and caught up a bit.  I regard it as a friendship because we go back a long way and have kept in touch.  But it's not what most people, probably, would think of as a friendship.  We don't meet up regularly.  We don't go to each others houses.  We don't do activities together.  At the same time, like you, I do like being around people - at least, for short periods of time.  As long as I know them and can feel comfortable about them, and as long as they can accept me for who I am.  My niece and her family are like that.  We're easy together, but they understand when I say 'I think I should be heading off now' - generally between one and two hours.  At work, I have no choice but to be around people all day.  There are staff I feel comfortable with, and those I don't.  With the service users, on the other hand - even the most challenging - I'm always in my element.  I think maybe it's because we are often like grown-up kids together.  And there's unconditional loyalty.  No back-stabbing.  What you see is what you get!  Also, they're vulnerable, so I identify on that level.  They bring out the best in me.

Having said all that... I, too, have people who've said they count me as a 'friend'.  But they don't really feel like it.  It's more like an acquaintanceship.  And quite often, I won't hear anything for ages.  Same with family, too.  I usually make the first contact about something.  I think, maybe, it's because friendships require a level of maintenance that I'm simply not up to providing.  I can't be doing with regular meet-ups, parties, nights out, networking, etc.  I suppose being a loner by disposition, and enjoying nothing better than to be alone for hours or days, means I've perhaps lost (or mislaid) the skills needed - if I ever had them at all.  I look at my brother, who's my polar opposite.  Hates being alone.  Is always out meeting up with friends.  Still has friends stretching back to his schooldays almost 60 years ago.  If ever he needs advice on something, or a job doing, he has a friend to go to.  A friend built his conservatory.  He gets a lot of business work through friends.  He can do it.  I can't. 

Wouldn't it be great if a large group of us could crowdfund to buy ourselves an island - just for Aspies!  Then we could have all the friends, and all the isolation, we needed! 

Just me fantasising again!

Yes I can identify with most of what you say. I have a difficult (high? low?) boredom threshold & I used to love the original Sonic the Hedgehog game on Sega - no faffing about with defining characters, no strategy to plan, just press start and run, jump & kick stuff!

I would actually be up for the odd coffee & meet-up (me & them, me & wife & them, or me & wife & their partner). But I *very* rarely get someone asking me. I offer and offer and then give up - I take it that people aren't interested. And yet, when people comment on me as a person, all I ever hear is that I'm one of the nicest people they know!

Yeah, Isle of Aspie sounds fun :-)

Isle of Aspie ... Amberac. I'd be up for a tenth :) .... www.zoopla.co.uk/.../48766923

In the Strontium Dog story from 2000AD all the mutants lived in the Ghetto of Milton Keynes.

I think survivalism can be fun for a bit.  A challenge to see how resilient you really are.  I sometimes watch that 'Hunted' program to see if the conrestants have a clue about living lean and minimising their footprint - I'm always disappointed.

I think you have to be realistic about your needs and interactions or you become a crazy hermit that dies alone in a cave.

I've created a long list of 'must-haves' for the next place and opportunities for social interaction are high on the list - as long as they are on my terms.

I also want a local hub for shopping close by and I need access to healthcare.

The property itself needs to be designed for minimal mantenance and minimal running costs - no point wasting money for no reason by burning it. Ideally, I'd like to be off-grid. Fuel is only going to get more expensive as time passes.

I need space to do my hobbies - 1/2 acre minimum - enough to justify a ride-on mower.

Again... horses for courses.

I suppose it's what you get used to.  That woman's life in Canada would suit me.  Remote - but close enough  to civilisation and resources.  She doesn't have internet, which doesn't bother her as she doesn't really need it.  She has access to all she wants.

It all comes down to what you want out of life, I suppose.  Modern life, of course, cossets us.  Most of us have probably had our survivalist instincts conditioned out of us.

Civilisation.  Hm.  What's that old Gandhi quote. 

"What do you think of western civilisation?"

"I think it would be a good idea."

I know what you mean, though.  Yes, I'd want to be close enough to essential supplies.  As long as I didn't need to have too many people around.

It's probably not much fun during a winter storm when the waves are crashing over your roof.

I've looked seriously into downsizing and disappearing into the countryside.  I'm hoping to do it in around 2 years.  I'm lucky to live in a really expensive area so moving to the country will free up a large cash-cushion.

I'm an engineer so all the tech needed can be installed for miminal outlay - solar, water harvesting, hydroponics etc. I can build any out-buildings needed for plant equipment.

As you get older, priorities change and things like nearby hospitals become more important.

It has reasonable access to the mainland, though, which is important.  The weather and temperatures wouldn't seriously bother me.  I've lived in such conditions before.  I'd see £300k as just the basic 'price of entry'.  It would need a good deal more than that, of course.

I think I could make a go of it, if I could find a way to make an income to cover the essentials.

It's horses for courses with all these things.

How would they know you were there 365? Do you have to sign in?

Tried to buy a caravan on a secluded local site a few years back.  I thought that would do me.  Pay for something outright, then just have to cover site fees and fuel - no rent or mortgage.  Only trouble was, the council won't allow full-year occupancy.  So, for a month, I'd have had to find a cheap guest house.  Just wouldn't work out.

My brother lives in remote countryside - there's about 6 houses and that's it. Total PITA in winter when snowed in, no power and running out of basics. Broadband is via microwave link from some farm a mile away with trees in the way - 1Mb/s is flying. Everything is difficult and time-consuming.  I need a little more civilisation than that.

I think it's great that you know what you want like this. I wish I did. I know how to achieve these things, but I have no idea if it is what I want.

Here it is...

I kind of like the idea of a simple, rougher way of life.  I live simply enough now.  I wouldn't need a lot of possessions.

I keep in contact with a woman in Canada, whom mum and I visited when we went out there a few years ago.  She lives in a small settlement in Saskatchewan.  About 20 houses in a couple of blocks - way out on the prairies.  There aren't any shops.  Just a small community centre.  All the houses are detached with a fair sized spread.  The nearest town in 20 minutes drive one way, then nearest city (Regina) about half-hour's drive the other way.  She lives alone in a bungalow which is not much more than a glorified settler shack.  She also has an assortment of cats and dogs.  She's in her late 80s, but is really tough and hardy from the life.  She grows a lot of her own stuff on her plot, then preserves or freezes it.  She gets a lift into town once a week for shopping.  She has 6 months of snow to contend with - but just deals with it. They're geared up for it, anyway.  It's a hard life.  But it would suit me.

Island of Patroklos it is!

Island of Patroklos it is!