Isolated and suicidal

Firstly, here is a link with contact numbers for those with suicidal thoughts. Please ask for help rather than act on those thoughts. You can find the number for your local mental health crisis team on google 

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/suicide/

I’m really sorry that you have no friends anymore, there’s been times in my life where I’ve felt like that too and it’s a pretty miserable feeling! I’m so sorry also that your daughter died, I can only imagine the pain and torment that you must be going through! Do you mind me asking what happened? How long ago did it happen? 

Im.not interested in helplines or nhs support. They all spout the same hot air and its of no use to me.

My daughter died two years ago.  They say traumatic events can make autism worse and thats a belief i now share.  (She just didnt wake up for any obvious reason one morning at 19 years old).

I had my diagnosis after my daughters death.  The reaction in my social circles was poor as was the reaction in my work environment.

I feel like my personality has fundamentally changed.  Every social interaction is a struggle.and this is really bad as i need to build new social structures to replace the ones i have lost.

I have no idea what i want for the future of the direction  i want it to go in. Or more accurately i dont want anything that i can have or achieve.

I also dont want to live a substandard lonely life. I dont want to be the subject of pity. I just want my story to end. My life has failed and i can accept that. I just dont see the point  in dragging it out as my life won't benefit anyone else and it certainly doesn't benefit me

What happened with your daughter sounds absolutely awful and so unexpected too! What a horrible shock! I’m not surprised you’re feeling so bad! Does the grief still feel very raw? 

It wouldn’t surprise me if traumatic events do make autism worse, or at least more obvious as unfortunately we lack the coping skills that many people without autism have. It’s bad that your social circle and work didn’t react well to it, especially given the circumstances! People can be cruel sometimes. Are there any social groups for people with ASD near where you live?

It does sound as if you are still in the acute stage of grief and also suffering from depression (an illness). I do feel though that you can get through this taking one step at a time

I think unfortunately that social failure is quite a common cause of depression in people with ASD, it certainly was for me on a number of occasions. Though I also found that making some life changes has helped keep depression at bay for me, cutting a certain toxic person out of my life certainly helped. I’ve also been on a mission to learn social skills the past year which has led to success in making more friends and helped me to feel better about myself. I think there are still opportunities out there for us regardless of age. With age also comes wisdom and knowing ourselves better which can be a positive thing.

I think it’s quite common for Aspergers/ASD to run in families and for it to be missed. It’s only once you can recognise it in yourself that you can see it in others. Once I realised that I had Aspergers I started realising that most of my mums side of the family also probably have Aspergers, I also think my eldest daughter does too (she’s 21 now). Sometimes I feel guilt that I didn’t realise it about my daughter when she was younger, sometimes I get angry that my own mother (highly likely AS) didn’t recognise it in me when I was younger. But I can also see how I needed to go on my own developmental  journey in my own head to see things in myself and realise that I have Aspergers before I could see it in my daughter and others in my family. You weren’t diagnosed til after your daughter died, you could not reasonably be expected to have realised that she had Aspergers when she was younger.

We all have time to interact with you on here so why not chat with people on here and enjoy the social interaction?

I think unfortunately that social failure is quite a common cause of depression in people with ASD, it certainly was for me on a number of occasions. Though I also found that making some life changes has helped keep depression at bay for me, cutting a certain toxic person out of my life certainly helped. I’ve also been on a mission to learn social skills the past year which has led to success in making more friends and helped me to feel better about myself. I think there are still opportunities out there for us regardless of age. With age also comes wisdom and knowing ourselves better which can be a positive thing.

I think it’s quite common for Aspergers/ASD to run in families and for it to be missed. It’s only once you can recognise it in yourself that you can see it in others. Once I realised that I had Aspergers I started realising that most of my mums side of the family also probably have Aspergers, I also think my eldest daughter does too (she’s 21 now). Sometimes I feel guilt that I didn’t realise it about my daughter when she was younger, sometimes I get angry that my own mother (highly likely AS) didn’t recognise it in me when I was younger. But I can also see how I needed to go on my own developmental  journey in my own head to see things in myself and realise that I have Aspergers before I could see it in my daughter and others in my family. You weren’t diagnosed til after your daughter died, you could not reasonably be expected to have realised that she had Aspergers when she was younger.

We all have time to interact with you on here so why not chat with people on here and enjoy the social interaction?