Published on 12, July, 2020
I have ADHD and Asperger's. I love people and miss them when I'm away, but I can only really do groups where I can phase out while others are talking and join in when I feel up to it. (Although I hate large crowds as I can't hear what people are saying).
I find one-to-ones rather difficult as I try too hard and burn myself out. But I so want to see my favourite people.
I can't be in a close environment with people where I can't escape if stress happens (risk of meltdowns) so I had to say no to an astronomy weekend at a cottage with my astrobuddies as I wasn't sure if I could cope. It broke my heart.
I also have some difficulty with women due to having been severely bullied by them. I'm always worried about how they (and anyone) feel aboout me. It can start well and then they just seem to get irritable with me. I guess it's my intensity.
So, here's the raft of upset I need to sort out:
I'm having to find another job due to restructuring at work and have settled with everyone in my current job. Lovely bunch. I have no idea how I'm going to cope with new people, having to explain my SpLD and ask them to stop playing the radio, keep the noise down and stop slamming drawers. All that distresses me so much however hard I try. Even management can be difficult.
I have a friend at work who's so like me he's like a brother. I love him to pieces and wish I could see him outside work on a more social basis, but the 1-2-1 situation makes it difficult. I've also never met his fiancee and I don't know how she'll be with me (women problems again). I'm so awkward at first. I don't know what his friends will be like etc. It breaks my heart being like me because I don't want to lose him but, when I leave, that might happen.
There are other things going on too and I can't stop crying.
How do I deal with the new job?
How do I keep my friend?
I don't know what to do. I hate being so awkward as I feel love so deeply and need people.
Alexxx
I don’t have any advice I’m afraid but I wish you the best. Good luck.
I’m similar. I’m rubbish at one to one conversation.
Silence is awkward and there’s shared responsibility for maintaining the conversation.
I like small groups (3 to 4 people) when I can occasionally say something but if I’m silent it’s no big deal because there are others who talk. Bigger groups are too big - there’s more than one person talking at the same time, conversation splits, I don’t know in which one I’m in, I’m trying to listen to everybody at once and it all becomes one chaos and I can’t understand words at all.
I’ve met some good people at work but I find it hard to maintain friendships outside work. I’ve lost some nice people that way.
I had a good friend at work once. We talk about random stuff and took all our breaks together (even through we just sat next to each other in silence reading books) But she found another job and left. We texted each other for some time and decided to go for a coffee. And it was super awkward, we didn’t know what to talk about. I hardly said anything. She talked a bit and then we said goodbye. We never met again. It was heartbreaking.
But I think that we need to keep trying to meet new people anyway. And to maintain friendships. Even if we fail. It’s better to fail trying than to fail not trying.
So, no advice from me unfortunately.
I wish you good luck with the new people.
And with your friend.
Thanks sweetie. I'm fortunate an that, at 56 years of age, I've overcome a bit of socialising stuff. I'm gobby and in-your-face, so that helps. Maybe being a mum helps as I feel I'm everyone's mum, and if I stick to that, it works. Sort of. I have to try to see the reality in things and take it from there. My friend is my other person so keeping him is of paramount importance. Maybe a brother in a previous life, if you believe in that sort of thing.