problems with asserting myself

solitarymonkey said:

Partly because of who she is, and partly because of what happens to me in a confrontational situation, I can't even have a conversation with her. I just don't trust her. 

The only way I can talk to people about certain things, is by joking about it. And hoping they see the serious side to it. Which all to often, doesn't happen

Regarding the situation at work, I am working on something with my parents. But just the thought of it all makes me all anxious and (low and behold), I put my side of the work off and "will do it another time".

thats understandable, if shes this new manager then you have every reaspon not to trust her yet, you dont know her

but at some point , if you want to change whats happening at work, you have to be 'serious' about it

practice with your mum, talk to her as if shes your manager she can help you get the right words and tone for it, but i think a good way is to start of joking, and then say "all joking aside can i ask your advice here ..."and go from there

as for the blackout it could just be the build up of stress or frustration at whats going on at work, and it can spill off into other things

I wish I could agree with you there scorpion, but I am actually very self aware, and it's not hyperventilation :(

Sometimes, it's just a brief one second "Woah.. went a bit hazy there", upto a full on tunnel vision like experience. I can actually get the sensation from a quick thought of horror, "What was that knock on the door?!" or "Oh no! This will happen tomorrow!", not just in a face to face serious debate over who is right.

It's getting so common at work now, I'm considering going doctors and getting signed off till I can get things sorted out.. If it was a full black out, as opposed to these "grey outs", it would be so much easier..

Regarding the blacking out: You're probably hyperventilating. It's a very common symptom of anxiety. You need to learn to be aware of when it's happening and how to control your breathing.

Partly because of who she is, and partly because of what happens to me in a confrontational situation, I can't even have a conversation with her. I just don't trust her. I struggle to trust a lot of people. But that's something different. It's a part of me I'm still working on understanding.

The only way I can talk to people about certain things, is by joking about it. And hoping they see the serious side to it. Which all to often, doesn't happen :(

Regarding the situation at work, I am working on something with my parents. But just the thought of it all makes me all anxious and (low and behold), I put my side of the work off and "will do it another time".

I was just kinda hoping that someone might be able to recognise the blacking out side of it as a medical problem that I can get checked out? Because it's not just in work it affects me. I can't make certain phone calls for a similar reason. I have to phone up a potential new employer to confirm my attendance to an interview next week, but when I pick up the phone, I feel my head begin to fall to the side etc. It's so not cool..

do you have someone you can talk with about your work situation and what you need ?

must be frustrating having to deal with a manager who from the sounds of it has the typical 'i have a bit of power and feel the need to use it' going on

she may not be the best to talk to, but if shes all you have, then you need to do it, but dont agress her, dont accuse her, just talk to her ask for her help say you feel a bit overloaded and are finding it difficult and that might be why she feels you arent performing very well, ask her what she thinks, what she would liek to see you do and how she can help you achieve this