Christmas

Hi Bluesky555

Christmas is an awful time of year for me too. My extended family have never understood me nor my conditions, but they always insist on both my mother and I going there for Christmas. It’s painful and agonising because they are so patronising and false, and I always feel like I don’t belong there, like I’m being made to look a fool, because I’m autistic and they’re not, and they don’t understand it’s impact. Not only am I affected by autism, but PTSD as well, and combining the two, as well Christmas and it’s ‘togetherness’ of families that never see eye-to-eye, is just an occasion for increased tension, anxiety, stress, and what’s more, a PTSD ‘trigger’ nightmare of comparison between how your life affects you and how their lives affect them. You are constantly reminded of that difference, and it practically kills me to be shown that right in front of my eyes. When I used to go around to my aunt’s house, I would always shut off by playing music and watching my laptop to cut out my surroundings. My cousin always hated that and constantly demanded that I stop, but I wouldn’t listen to her, because she couldn’t have cared less how horrible I felt about the whole situation. Her voice always carried with it arrogance, and she loved to watch me suffer, to remind me of the difference between us both. Since she is neurotypical, life is more like a ‘bed of roses’ for her, but for myself, all that she has feels more like she takes it all for granted. I do not wish to attain her personality, but some of what she is able to do and gain is something I know is more like attempting to get to the moon by jumping with my feet alone!

I can’t stand Christmas, but then I can’t stand the New Year either. It’s constant reminder that my goals in life are so far away, and I’m still nowhere near fulfilling my wishes and dreams.

I can certainly understand how you feel, because I feel the same in many ways.

Hi Bushido

What you have said really resonates with me and your experiences with extended family feel very familiar, especially comparisons with other people.

I do not have PTSD so I cannot imagine what that must be like to have that as well as autism. I understand what you mean about being nowhere near fulfilling your dreams and wishes. I feel like I have tried really hard to do life the way neurotypicals expect it to be done, and I don't have anything to show for it yet.

Thanks for sharing. It helped me because I can easily forget I'm not alone when I'm collapsing inside. I hope you will get through it all ok.

Hi Bushido

What you have said really resonates with me and your experiences with extended family feel very familiar, especially comparisons with other people.

I do not have PTSD so I cannot imagine what that must be like to have that as well as autism. I understand what you mean about being nowhere near fulfilling your dreams and wishes. I feel like I have tried really hard to do life the way neurotypicals expect it to be done, and I don't have anything to show for it yet.

Thanks for sharing. It helped me because I can easily forget I'm not alone when I'm collapsing inside. I hope you will get through it all ok.

Hi Bluesky555

Thank you for responding, :). I’m glad I’ve been able to help you, by being able to relate to my experiences. I wish life could be better for both/all of us struggling this time of year. Christmas can be traumatic for many people and for many reasons. All we see on TV and adverts is the constant rhetoric of people enjoying themselves and having fun as a complete family, this is what the media churns out. They never show those that are struggling, the nearest you might get is an advert for The Salvation Army, showing people living on the streets, that type of thing. Living on the spectrum can be just as bad in it’s own way. While we may have a roof over our heads, the difficulties we face causes such occasions to be fraught with so much trauma, affecting us in our own individual ways, whether it be by family relatives that never understand you, feeling alienated from your peer group, feeling like life is just not going your way. The constant rhetoric can end up getting to you, and you just end up in an even more depressed state than you were to begin with. I can certainly understand your need for coming onto forums like this, you need some reassurance at this time of year that you’re not alone, and you’re not, we’re all experiencing our own levels of difficulties, each in our own way, :). It’s finding the right answer that’s the tricky part.

Yes, PTSD is hell on earth when you combine it with autism. Autism carries with it social difficulties, well, PTSD carries with it traumatic memories, and combine the two, and the social world feels more like a minefield, :(.

Peace and quiet is the best way I find to get through Christmas, spending time with people you feel comfortable with, at home, with your close family members who understand you better because they live with you. My mother is all I have left in my close family, so we end up watching TV series on DVDs to get through the day, to avoid the annoying adverts. I hope you’re able to get through the Christmas period as well with the least amount pain as possible, :). Hard as I can imagine that might be, considering my own difficulties as well.

Thank you for wishing me well, :). Yes, getting through the year is going to be difficult, I have a hard time deciding whether to just go to bed early on New Years Eve, or shutting myself out with loud music, :(.

I wish both of us success in our futures, let’s hope we’re both able to succeed in fulfilling our goals, :). Though, personally, I feel like it’s more as if I were attempting to solve the mysteries of life. Sometimes I’d feel I’d have a better chance.