Aspergers in the Workplace

I think another big topic is that I feel an immense sense of shame in my position, I won't name the place but it's a typical discount good store and I just feel very low about my credibility working there. The worse problem is what I call 'Encounters' - Where someone from the past who might acknowledges me sees me and I just freak out, I have to stop what I am doing, avoid them by hiding in the warehouse and still maintain that I am looking active. Just the eye contact is enough to really wreck my day, I feel so lousy in myself and really curse myself and get in a massive panic.

The worst is when I am called to tills, which is announced over the big tannoy across the store - Had someone seen me the name might jog their memory to confirm it. But when i am on tills I cannot escape, I feel I am there on a pedestal and vulnerable to an 'Encounter' attack.. I have had it before when I have had to serve people who recognised me and It was immensely distressing - It was one of the worse people I could have hoped for too.

This structure has also effected me outside work, just yesterday I met eye contact with someone who I knew at school and my anxiety spiked up - It was a person I had no bare no bad feeling too either, but the acknowledgement that they we're aware of me in that brief moment was enough to unsettle me.

Thanks for responding (Sorry for my late reply, being being and anxiety struck sometime causes a delay),

i did try go out after a work event once, I just held a drink and hung around people who I could tolerate the most but I didn't say much either - A majority of them were around a table which was crammed anyway. I didn't feel comfortable and just wanted to leave, so I did soon enough.

As for my disclosure, nope, I haven't mentioned it. I have been close as there have been times where I've felt so overwhelmed that I was considering using it to stop them from abusing my personal values. I am often put on tills when it gets very busy and I cannot stand it, I can do the task fine but I have been fired before in a retail job when I was being nagged at by colleagues and couldn't focus, that And I don't like being in the same place for a long period of time without breathing room.

But I haven't confirmed it because simply put tI don't want the stigma to linger, with the high turn over rate here all the people that have 'higher-up' positions have a very low opinion of me as the ones who did have any respect for me have left. So I simply do not trust or respect the people who I would have to inform about that.

I have just read a really interesting article. The author explains how a focus on autistic strengths, not deficits, enabled him to stay in employment for an extended period. 

There are also useful observations about avoiding  triggers. Reading this article has encouraged me to address negative aspects of my current employment.

it may be of interest to you too:

https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/autistic-people-valued-strengths-workplace/

Hello NAS23927. I have no formal diagnosis but suspect i am on the spectrum.

I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. In my old retail job there were ususlly 10 or fewer staff. The first branch i really enjoyed. I had a lot in common with most colleagues but i still felt a bit awkward.  The second branch was a bit different because of the manager who created cliques. I didnt feel he was genuine and often his interests went along with the latest fads. I struggle with this in most people because i dont feel its genuine. (How can you say you like ska music then when i ask you who you like, you say Reel Big Fish? I mean proper ska!) I was well respected in both places. I like to think i put a lot into my work efforts and i think hindsight tells me this was to make up for social difficulties.

A colleague commented once "time always goes slowly when im on with you". This was over ten years ago. I still remember it. I was getting on with a task. I think most people like to balance tasks with socialising at work. But in my mind as long as i can get on with you as a colleague i am here to work. I too would get frustrated with people slacking off. Ive always hated staff do's and am now in my 30s perfecting the art of giving excuses. I work in a different sector now. But working in a small shop i had to attend. Ive had comments more than once the day after a staff meal "ooo you were quiet last night". 

The second branch i worked at i struggled socially. Its ok being a sales assistant you can bypass extra curricular events but as deputy manager its harder. From the off i just didnt go out after work altho i know thr manager did this with his previous deputies. This made me feel off. We had fun on the shop floor at first. Usually initiated by him. It was often just the two of us. By the end of the two years we had just run out of things to say to each other and he would go next door if it was quiet. I felt awkward. It made me sad that i couldnt maintain things.

A new girl started. She wasnt as respected and was labelled "boring" and, i thought, quiet. Upon observing her though, she could hold a better conversation with colleagues. She could do more than me.

I struggle with the question "so what have you been up to?" and would joke about this "let me think then come back to me!"

I get the "narrow conversation field". Unless the other person is forthcoming i often resort to "how was yr weekend / what did you do at the weekend?" I think after the repetition over the weeks this came across as being very nosey with one colleague and theres only so long you can use this for.

I love my current job as colleagues and environment is more suitable for me.

Out of interest, do you have to declare a diagnosis to your employers?

Thanks for responding

When it comes to working with colleagues I also too get very impatient when I see them slacking off and chatting. Part of it is just because I am there working and I see others not bothering and getting away with it. The other side to it is because I am a little resentful due to how they can all get along and I seem to just not be capable of it.

We've had a lot of change-over with staff over the years, so I have built up decent bonds with 'higher-up' only to have them reset. With the current line-up I really do not get on with them at all - I think they just know of my social debilitations too and just don't think highly of me.

I have never stated out right that I believe I am on the spectrum, while it may even be obvious to anyone with insight. But I also don't want it to be used against me and abused. The problem it these traits seem to always overlap my working experience wherever I go - I can manage the job but not the colleagues, I've considered job hunting again but I don't have much faith in that after being un-employed for 3 years and I feel the same issues will just arise again anyway.

What you describe is quite similar in many ways to what I am experiencing in one of my part-time jobs. I am half-way through the assessment and diagnosis process at the moment. Like you I can cope with the interaction with customers. It is brief and focused on specific tasks. I actually enjoy that part of my job. 

I do not want to connect with colleagues via social media. I am aware that some of them text and phone and email each other during the day for no specific work-related reason, just to be social. Again, this does not appeal to me.

In many ways I am happy just getting on with my work. But I find it difficult when colleagues are not as conscientious as me - this means I have more work to do myself. If they are messing around not doing any work and I point out a task that needs doing this is received very badly. 

How is your relationship with your line manager? If that is positive and supportive it can help a great deal. Unfortunately my autistic traits aggravate my manager which has resulted in either hostile communication or being ignored. Luckily I am a member of two Trade Unions. Once I get my diagnosis I can get them to help explain my differences.

My biggest fear is that if I am diagnosed as autistic this will be used against me in some way. For example even more micro management than is currently the case, and having my competence and reliability put in doubt. 

This is not the first time I have found myself in a difficult situation at work. Autistic traits do not fit easily into many types of employment. Thinking back the good work experiences have been those where I had my own office or work space, some autonomy, limited contact with colleagues, and no line management responsibility. 

I really feel for you. I just wish there were more autism friendly work places where we could be productive and feel relaxed and satisifed. It is stress awareness day today, and work-related stress is a massive issue for autistic people. Some of the documents designed to promote best practice give advice that does not apply to me. Email communication is often seen as bad, and face to face communication as good, but it is exactly the opposite for me!