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Aspergers in the Workplace

NAS39237

Hello,

Firstly I should state I am awaiting results from my Diagnosis test but believe I may be on the spectrum. Within that said, I wanted to address something I have struggled with all my life - Aspergers within the workplace.

I currently work in retail - Which as you could imagine is a nightmare considering my possible condition. I feel i can function with the tasks of the job very well - Admittedly I struggle to focus on tasks when I see there are much bigger issues that need attending to. But I consider myself very good at customer service, something I have been complimented on within my reviews. So I can handle brief encounters with customers, what I struggle with is a working relationship with colleagues.

I can't do small talk, I will ask questions like "How you doing?" (Not in a Joey FRIENDS sort of way :P) "Been up to much lately?", " Have any plans for the evening?" Which can work but I find these days they get very minimal response because my colleagues have noted my social debilitations. I see them all sudden spring up topics of conversation and I have no idea how. Many other times I don't care or find the matter of conversation crude and want no involvement.

I don't have any intention to socialise with these people beyond work, but I guess they do with each other. Of course, today in the world we have social media with offers communication at a distance so after hours if they get along they will continue to talk and maintain a bond on their. Me I can't stand social media for many reasons but I have often felt discarded from people of this generation because of a lack of an online presence and persistence to maintain bonds with them through that. Even with my limited friends, I meet them individually and prefer 1to1 contact with that than having them associated and mixing - Another reason I don't apply myself to social media is I preffer 1to1 communication and not to talk in an open space, the little time I did have it I would only PM people.

pardon the tangent, but I hope it applies context to my situation. While I have no intention in socialising with these people outside hours, I wish within hours wasn't such a strain. I often get ignored by some staff when greeting with them and as I mentioned before as I cannot create conversation or maintain bonds well I get a very cold reception in general.

Notable traits:
- I cannot address people by name
- I struggle with eye Contact.
- I hate repeating myself if not heard.
- I feel very uncomfortable when there are more than 3-4 people in the cramped staff room.
- Narrow conversation field - If it isn't media (Movies, Video games etc.) I struggle - Unless it is work related but that's no fun!
- I struggle making mistakes in aim to keep a perfect image.

I just thought I would add a few traits that I certainly notice. I should add that I have previously been fired from a job due to having to colleagues nag at me while trying to focus on till work, I felt so much pressure build up that I was just trying to maintain myself and lost the company a notable fee within the transaction. But since then I have held my current job for 3+years.

I just wanted to lay my situation out there and get opinions on it? Has anyone else here been in a similar situation?

Parents

  • Hello NAS23927. I have no formal diagnosis but suspect i am on the spectrum.

    I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. In my old retail job there were ususlly 10 or fewer staff. The first branch i really enjoyed. I had a lot in common with most colleagues but i still felt a bit awkward.  The second branch was a bit different because of the manager who created cliques. I didnt feel he was genuine and often his interests went along with the latest fads. I struggle with this in most people because i dont feel its genuine. (How can you say you like ska music then when i ask you who you like, you say Reel Big Fish? I mean proper ska!) I was well respected in both places. I like to think i put a lot into my work efforts and i think hindsight tells me this was to make up for social difficulties.

    A colleague commented once "time always goes slowly when im on with you". This was over ten years ago. I still remember it. I was getting on with a task. I think most people like to balance tasks with socialising at work. But in my mind as long as i can get on with you as a colleague i am here to work. I too would get frustrated with people slacking off. Ive always hated staff do's and am now in my 30s perfecting the art of giving excuses. I work in a different sector now. But working in a small shop i had to attend. Ive had comments more than once the day after a staff meal "ooo you were quiet last night". 

    The second branch i worked at i struggled socially. Its ok being a sales assistant you can bypass extra curricular events but as deputy manager its harder. From the off i just didnt go out after work altho i know thr manager did this with his previous deputies. This made me feel off. We had fun on the shop floor at first. Usually initiated by him. It was often just the two of us. By the end of the two years we had just run out of things to say to each other and he would go next door if it was quiet. I felt awkward. It made me sad that i couldnt maintain things.

    A new girl started. She wasnt as respected and was labelled "boring" and, i thought, quiet. Upon observing her though, she could hold a better conversation with colleagues. She could do more than me.

    I struggle with the question "so what have you been up to?" and would joke about this "let me think then come back to me!"

    I get the "narrow conversation field". Unless the other person is forthcoming i often resort to "how was yr weekend / what did you do at the weekend?" I think after the repetition over the weeks this came across as being very nosey with one colleague and theres only so long you can use this for.

    I love my current job as colleagues and environment is more suitable for me.

    Out of interest, do you have to declare a diagnosis to your employers?

  • in reply to Deleted User

    Thanks for responding (Sorry for my late reply, being being and anxiety struck sometime causes a delay),

    i did try go out after a work event once, I just held a drink and hung around people who I could tolerate the most but I didn't say much either - A majority of them were around a table which was crammed anyway. I didn't feel comfortable and just wanted to leave, so I did soon enough.

    As for my disclosure, nope, I haven't mentioned it. I have been close as there have been times where I've felt so overwhelmed that I was considering using it to stop them from abusing my personal values. I am often put on tills when it gets very busy and I cannot stand it, I can do the task fine but I have been fired before in a retail job when I was being nagged at by colleagues and couldn't focus, that And I don't like being in the same place for a long period of time without breathing room.

    But I haven't confirmed it because simply put tI don't want the stigma to linger, with the high turn over rate here all the people that have 'higher-up' positions have a very low opinion of me as the ones who did have any respect for me have left. So I simply do not trust or respect the people who I would have to inform about that.

Reply
  • in reply to Deleted User

    Thanks for responding (Sorry for my late reply, being being and anxiety struck sometime causes a delay),

    i did try go out after a work event once, I just held a drink and hung around people who I could tolerate the most but I didn't say much either - A majority of them were around a table which was crammed anyway. I didn't feel comfortable and just wanted to leave, so I did soon enough.

    As for my disclosure, nope, I haven't mentioned it. I have been close as there have been times where I've felt so overwhelmed that I was considering using it to stop them from abusing my personal values. I am often put on tills when it gets very busy and I cannot stand it, I can do the task fine but I have been fired before in a retail job when I was being nagged at by colleagues and couldn't focus, that And I don't like being in the same place for a long period of time without breathing room.

    But I haven't confirmed it because simply put tI don't want the stigma to linger, with the high turn over rate here all the people that have 'higher-up' positions have a very low opinion of me as the ones who did have any respect for me have left. So I simply do not trust or respect the people who I would have to inform about that.

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