Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello all,
I am interested to know whether any of you have had problems with clutter, and/or dealing with it. Although I do conform in some ways to the Aspie stereotype of everything ordered, organised into its collections and categorised, I came to realise that there is just too much of it.
Many mornings, I have looked at the clutter and unfinished tasks from my bed and felt so overwhelmed that I haven't even wanted to get up. I just want to stick my head under the covers and pretend it's not there. I have accumulated too much stuff over the years, much of it connected with unfinished projects or uncompleted tasks. I have reached the point where I feel oppressed by all this STUFF and it is causing me real stress and anxiety.
I can't keep the house clean or tidy, because there's too much stuff in the way. I took 2 days off work and started a major declutter (managed to do clothes, kitchen and bathroom) but now I feel like I have stalled and that the declutter itself is going to end up on the unfinished projects list.
I look at the state of the place and it makes me feel like a useless human being. I mean, not living in a tip is pretty basic self care, right? And it seems that I can't manage it. Not finishing things is a problem too - I get overwhelmed and give up, then that makes me feel useless too. Does anyone else feel like this?
It's not helped by my OH, who is lovely and very compatible on most levels, but grew up in a really messy house so claims he simply doesn't notice. I tried to explain that either he needs to help me to get some of the junk out of here, or he needs to do his share of the cleaning (he doesn't lift a finger normally). I don't think he took any notice. This seems to be par for the course. I feel like no-one every acknowledges anything is wrong until I break. I feel like they must know (I even tell them pretty directly on occasion), but if they acknowledge it, they might have to do something to help, and so they just stick their fingers in their ears and pretend to be oblivious. I am trying hard not to be hurt/upset by this because in most respects, my OH is great, but what I really feel is: you know this causes me stress and anxiety, and that I can't cope with doing it all, but to help with that you would have to make an effort, and you don't want to do that. In other words, "I don't give a stuff if it makes you miserable, as long as I don't have to lift a finger to do anything about it". He doesn't care enough to help, which upsets me.
I do a full time job with a long commute, so most days I am out at 7am and not home until 7.30pm, so time is a factor as well.
So after that ramble, I would love to know whether anyone else has managed to find a way to organise themselves, to follow through on things and generally to keep their house in order. Or are you all as overwhelmed as I am?
I really can't handle clutter. It does my head in. My last partner was terrible with it. Mess everywhere. I'm glad she's gone now.
Yeah that's exactly it, does the head in. Clutter externally transfers to mental clutter and makes it very hard to focus on anything, and very easy to get overwhelmed!
I agree with this completely. I find clutter tiring and overwhelming to deal with. I have noticed that most other people can briefly scan a number of items or area in front of them without having to focus on each item individually, so they don't necessarily 'see' the clutter, but I have to look at every individual item, so I 'see' all the clutter for what it is and it is only then that you notice just how much stuff there is to 'see'.
Supermarkets are my biggest irritation for this. The reason I memorise the layout of the store is so I can find things easily and not have to look at every single item to find what I want. When they move things, I then have to look at EVERYTHING to try and find what I want, which sends my anxiety skyrocketing and often means I am in the store much longer than I anticipated. How people just quickly scan to find what they want is beyond me. This is why I prefer online shopping as it is so much more logical.
I am a mad dog lady too - I like both! Only have cats at the moment, but we're planning on getting a dog next year.
If your Buddha watches over you like my frog does, perhaps it would be kind to give him more of a view ;-)
Your little bronze frog sounds delightful. How lovely to have a beautiful tactile object with presence by your bed. I must declutter my bedside table there's a little marble Buddha overshadowed by a massive pile of books. Mad cat ladies are right up there with us mad dog ladies (which I am very proud to be!).
Soaps were fabulous in the 1960s and 1970s. As well as different coloured bars you could get sea shell soaps and lots of other shapes. Do you remember the red foul smelling soap some schools used to have? It was truly disgusting! A million miles from Camay or Imperial Leather with their wonderful creamy lather!
I am not really fond of frogs, and think they not the prettiest of creatures (I am another cat person, of which there seem to be plenty on here). Most of the frog things have been quietly disposed of - luckily my aunt lives far away and doesn't visit my house, so she will never know!
There is one exception. I have a little bronze frog, which I think I remember from the packaging was based on a statue from ancient Egypt, and that is beautiful, and wonderfully tactile. I often pick it up just to feel it in my hands. It has a real presence about it as well, if that's not a strange thing to say. even though it is small, I notice it every time I walk into the room. I have him watching over me in bed!
Luckily I do not get bought loads of things with cats on .... I am enough of a mad cat lady already, without having to advertise it
Oh no! Did you grow to like your frog collection in the end? Something similar happened to my adult daughter... no one quite knows why but we all started buying her things with owls on. I found out last year (10 years on), that she has never had a thing about owls. My husband is keeping up the tradition regardless and sent her a birthday card with an owl on this year!
The mention of soap conjured up a memory for me, not so much the different colours but more the soap on a rope shapes, characters and animals. My elder sister had loads of them.
she also collected novelty shampoo bottles that came in strange figure shapes, In fact most of my family were collectors, from key rings to match boxes they were a favourite of mine, my dad collected them as he went about his business, my elder sister collected them, the variety was enormous, big long strips of tear off ones, pictures of the queens guards, police men, tiny little wax paper matches that were rolled tight into thin stalks, wind proof that had a really long burn tip. There were bags of them,
also stamp collecting,
myself well yes I collect certain things but not for long! Yes I get to many but I soon tire of them and move into something else,
I also research my collections thoroughly, wether it be musical instruments or old tools or even a particular marque of car, I had seven of the same make maker, different models within a model range,
I don’t consider my interest as an issue but,,,,Well,,,,,
I also struggle to part with things which may one day be of use or be part of a new project.
I am about to have a major clear out, I have lost all interest in them.
They have become a major major issue.
We have toilet paper memories in common.
In my childhood we also used cut up newspapers. Living in old houses the plumbing was resistant to blockages.
I remember my father spending a considerable amount of time trying to find the hard Izal paper in the shops. He said it was proper, professional toilet paper because that's what they used at his factory toilets.
It was disgusting, even worse than newspapers. I immediately concluded that it was awful to avoid theft.
I remember that in the 70s & 80s the choice of colours was enormous. And I think that's when my mother started her collection. When I used her mushy green pea roll in the 90s . This large choice was no longer available. Thus her getting upset.
She also had a large collection of bars of soap. Again all different colours.
I had no idea that was where bumf comes from! I love the origins of words - that is my no1 special interest. Fascinating that there is also a word for the study of toilet paper :-)
Apparently if I really did love frogs (see above), I would be a batrachophile
Wow, I guess there is a collection for everyone out there.
I do have a non-deliberate collection too: "things with frogs on". One year my sister found some novelty frog based items (sponge, inflatable soap holder) and bought them for me as a christmas stocking filler because she thought they were funny.
My aunt saw this, and, without ever asking me, concluded that I was crazy about frogs. I received frog-themed xmas gifts for about 10 years after that! That turned into a pretty strange collection too ....
There seems to be a word for an interest in toilet paper: cloacopapyrology
There is an excellent article on toilet paper from the Ephemera society:
http://www.ephemera-society.org.uk/articles/cloacopapyrology.html
I can remember in my younger days using newspaper, it was torn up into neat rectangles in the bathroom (really just a toilet, no washing facilities there at all). It may have been ok in an earth closet but I am sure it didn't flush too well and could cause blockages. The dye probably wasn't too good from a health viewpoint as it must have come off on the bottom when used for such a purpose, and what the long term affects of newsprint absorption are I don't know but wouldn't imagine it was without risk.
The word 'bumf' meaning useless, wordy documentation from official bodies comes from 'bum fodder', no doubt as it was thought its best use was for toilet paper.
I also remember the hard shiny on one side, rough on the other toilet paper made by Bronco (other types were made by Izal (Izal medicated) and Jeyes). It seemed merely to spread the foul matter about the bottom rather than remove it, but it was beloved of councils and other bodies for public lavatories long after its use in the home had been consigned to history (probably because it helped prevent excessive use or theft).
Coloured toilet paper does not seem so popular now, (it tends to be just patterns on the paper in most homes when toilet paper does have colour on it). But it was enormously popular in the 70s and 80s when the awful coloured bathroom suites were popular and the shades matched the bathroom suite.
I must say I bought some 'Snowman' toilet paper as I thought it was tasteless with pictures of 'The Snowman' on it, I bought it as an example of something not to use, but I thought it would be a collectors item. It did eventually get used when I had run out.
moggsy said:Oh dear, I shouldn't laugh, but a toilet roll collection seems like a strange one!! Well, I guess you thought so too .....
Well apparently she was not the only one - Toilet roll collection
I love how they have they have to mention the fact that the collections are unused!
Oh dear, I shouldn't laugh, but a toilet roll collection seems like a strange one!! Well, I guess you thought so too ..... I think I was much more prone to this kind of collection as a child. I had collections of single sheets of stationery, pencil erasers, that sort of thing, and I mostly just arranged them and looked at them (and smelt them, in the case of the pencil erasers). I would have hit the roof if someone had taken one and used it for its intended purpose!
Most of my collections now are more functional: books, matching underwear, guitars .....
I think it is tiring and overwhelming due to the apparent lack of a "gate system" in the autistic brain, resulting in said poor old brain not being able to filter what it should attend to from what it should ignore, resulting in it trying to attend to everything, simultaneously.
I most definitely have problems with this, and it is exhausting. The brain going at 100 miles an hour, trying to take in every single thing I can see or hear, all at once. Maybe that is why the idea of less visual clutter at home is so appealing. I really cannot imagine/understand my better half's assertion that he "doesn't see it" ..... I see absolutely everything, and when there's a lot of it, it feels like it's all competing for my attention, and that wears me out! It's almost like the stuff in front of you is shouting at you.
Same with supermarkets. I do all of my shopping on line, for this very reason. I find physical supermarkets very stressful places!
Clutter, choice and toilet rolls !
Among my mother's many collections, were toilet rolls.
I knew there was a large number of toilet rolls stored in her bedroom. So when I 'ran out' of paper I took one from there.
What a row followed. It turned out that the roll I took was a particular shade of mushy green peas that was unavailable in the shops at that time. It had been in her collection for years.
When my mother passed away. I gradually used her collection for purpose it was originally intended.
I cant be doing with the excessive choice. Who needs toilet roll enriched with aloe vera?!
I prefer Aldi for the same reasons as you. One type and size of tomato sauce!
I went to the garden centre earlier this year with my mum. I didnt know which tomato.plant to choose after id picked a few up. She said "always go with your first choice". Ive carried this forward everytime i go shopping now. Eg when buying fresh food.
Choicr creates anxiety cos we think in choosing A we are missing out on B. Whereas in reality once we have purchased A, then we forget about B.