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Help for adults in their 40s.

Henry
over 5 years ago

I need a little advice on two related questions.

1) I'm 43 and was diagnosed with ASD and ADHD last November. I'm working, but I'm a college drop-out and have no academic qualifications. The company I've been with for the past 18 years is closing soon, and I don't know what to do next. I would have liked to study for a degree when I was younger, but without a diagnosis or any help and support for my two conditions it just never happened. I'm intelligent but always had trouble focusing and getting organised in a classroom setting. Is there any help for people like me to become a student again or is it too late for me?

2) My brother is 40. He lives with our parents and has literally no social friends. He rarely leaves the house and spends most of his time in his bedroom. He doesn't work or claim benefits. I think he claimed benefits for a little while in his early 20s but stopped when they were hassling him about getting a job. He hasn't been diagnosed, and my parents do not seem interested in finding out if he's also on the spectrum - even though they know I have a diagnosis. I'm reluctant even to have had the conversation with them because I've got enough on my plate as it is. Plus, I'm not close to my parents. What help, if any, is available for him?

  • over 5 years ago

    Welcome, Henry.

    For your second question, there's an important factor to be considered, and which might help you to engage your parents more. Without meaning to be too morbid, your brother is very likely to outlive your parents, and long before that, the effects of ageing will likely make them less able to care for him as they currently do. Who do they think is going to take over this care once they can no longer do it? With your own autism to deal with, you may face challenges that make it impossible for you to take over these responsibilities.

    Without knowing your brother, it's hard to say how much this could affect him, but after such a long time of being used to parental care, he may well have many kinds of "learned helplessness" and a lack of self-esteem and self-care skills, whether his isolation is caused by autism or anything else. It is true that support for autistic adults is not easy to come by, but unless your brother is "on the radar" of medical and social services, he is sure to get no formal support at all, nor will those services recognise any difficulties that his care causes your parents as their capacity for it wanes.

  • over 5 years ago in reply to Andy

    Andy, thanks for that link...sounds s good course

  • over 5 years ago

    There isn't really a lot for adults in their 40s. A psychologist told me that ASD in older (above 30?) people isn't well understood and is further complicated by diversity in many variables whereas for school aged children there is more similarity surrounding what they are doing and how they are supposed to relate with their peer group etc. Adults are further complicated by the fact that they could have had difficult childhoods due to lack of recognition of their condition or support.

    Adults who are more successful in their career or in family life, or both, generally seek less help and support than those who aren't so are rarely available as subjects for research. As a general rule of thumb, you are expected to be employed, married, and a homeowner (or mortgage payer) at the age of 40 and also a member of the gym.

  • over 5 years ago in reply to Atypical

    This link from the National Autistic Society might help with your second question:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/about/what-is/broaching.aspx 

  • over 5 years ago

    It’s never too late, no matter how old or what your diagnosis is. If you do choose to retrain, by declaring your diagnosis to a University, you may be entitled to Disabilty support (such as disabilty support allowance). Please see the following link: 

    https://www.ucas.com/undergraduate/applying-university/individual-needs/disabled-students 

    If you looking at a College course or studying with an independent provider, I’d approach the institution directly to see what they can do to help. The Equality Act 2010 may be a real help to reference if needed.

  • over 5 years ago

    Hi Henry

    im the same age as you... do check out http://pearl.open.ac.uk

    keep looking after your brother..  and you are the great help he needs. Do you think he would also benefit from this community? 

  • over 5 years ago

    1) How about the Open University?  I've just taken their free course "Understanding Autism" and found the following quote interesting/relevant: -

    "I can study at home, I can set up my study area, I can organise my studies, all the materials are posted out to me, I’ve got time to process the whole event of distance education in a much better way than I can if I had to go to a typical university." (Wenn Lawson)

    I also know somebody who left school with no qualifications and subsequently got a degree at about your age - so it certainly could be something worth investigating.