Published on 12, July, 2020
I need a little advice on two related questions.
1) I'm 43 and was diagnosed with ASD and ADHD last November. I'm working, but I'm a college drop-out and have no academic qualifications. The company I've been with for the past 18 years is closing soon, and I don't know what to do next. I would have liked to study for a degree when I was younger, but without a diagnosis or any help and support for my two conditions it just never happened. I'm intelligent but always had trouble focusing and getting organised in a classroom setting. Is there any help for people like me to become a student again or is it too late for me?
2) My brother is 40. He lives with our parents and has literally no social friends. He rarely leaves the house and spends most of his time in his bedroom. He doesn't work or claim benefits. I think he claimed benefits for a little while in his early 20s but stopped when they were hassling him about getting a job. He hasn't been diagnosed, and my parents do not seem interested in finding out if he's also on the spectrum - even though they know I have a diagnosis. I'm reluctant even to have had the conversation with them because I've got enough on my plate as it is. Plus, I'm not close to my parents. What help, if any, is available for him?
Welcome, Henry.
For your second question, there's an important factor to be considered, and which might help you to engage your parents more. Without meaning to be too morbid, your brother is very likely to outlive your parents, and long before that, the effects of ageing will likely make them less able to care for him as they currently do. Who do they think is going to take over this care once they can no longer do it? With your own autism to deal with, you may face challenges that make it impossible for you to take over these responsibilities.
Without knowing your brother, it's hard to say how much this could affect him, but after such a long time of being used to parental care, he may well have many kinds of "learned helplessness" and a lack of self-esteem and self-care skills, whether his isolation is caused by autism or anything else. It is true that support for autistic adults is not easy to come by, but unless your brother is "on the radar" of medical and social services, he is sure to get no formal support at all, nor will those services recognise any difficulties that his care causes your parents as their capacity for it wanes.