Do I tell people

so today I was diagnosed with mild autism and mild aspergers, I wanted to ask should I tell everyone?

  • I greatly admire Martian Tom's approach to being autistic. I tend not to tell anyone, although I feel like it must be obvious to people who know me that l'm DIFFERENT. It's a good question which I need to think about some more.   Slight smile

  • If you do don’t use the word mild people mite brush it of as nothing. I look like a normal but I have autism and a learning disability I don’t like telling people unless I need to.

  • You should also take into account other people's tendency to gossip.

    Yes.  Welcome to the small world of neurotypicals.

  • My policy on this is very flexible. It's not a secret, but nor is it something that I would tell everyone, and it's not something I reveal in its entirety.

    The people who I'm closest to all know now that I'm autistic. I had some strange reactions at first, but no-one so dismissive that, over time, I haven't been able to explain in more detail so that they've slowly come to understand better. However, it should be said that most of them were well aware of my long history of mental health problems, and always tried to support me with those, so I think that my diagnosis has been seen by them as explanatory, just as it has been for me.

    With other people, I have never just "come out" with a big announcement; people's reactions can be very negative and insulting sometimes, so I always give myself a little time to get to know them first, so that I have some idea how they might react. In particular, I look for how they react to my autistic traits when they have been noticeable. In many cases, just explaining a particular trait that is causing difficulty is sufficient; "I'm just one of those people who....". Even with people who are sympathetic, it's worth weighing up whether being bombarded with "so what's it like?" questions and having to counter misinformation is worth the bother for relatively casual or fleeting interactions, or with people who's opinions you aren't going to be able to change.

    So there's no black-and-white decision between tell everyone or tell no-one; I take it case by case, weight up the pro's and con's, and decide accordingly whether I'll say nothing, admit to a particular trait, or reveal my diagnosis.

    You should also take into account other people's tendency to gossip. What you tell to one person can easily be spread around very quickly. They may well have no bad intent in mind, but it means that people could potentially find out who you would rather didn't know. At the very least, you should be very explicit with people about how public or secret what you're telling them is

  • I've had similar in my current job, where they know I'm autistic (in fact, as it's working with an autism trust, they saw it as a positive attribute).  At my recent supervision, I was asked openly if everything was to my satisfaction and if there were any issues that I wanted to discuss, as they were anxious to ensure that my needs were accommodated.  I mentioned several things. 

    * Staff using smartphones at work when they are supposed to be giving attention to the service users.

    * People ignoring basic health and safety, food safety and infection control procedures - mandatory procedures (I'm the only staff member there who has refused to sign the general 'Infection Control Risk Assessment', and they know why).

    * People being lazy and neglecting general cleaning duties - leaving toilets blocked and smelly, floors wet, crockery and utensils unwashed.

    I was told that all of this would be addressed.  It hasn't been.  So... I intend to take it further.  It'll be very interesting to see if, because of this, they make things difficult for me.  I'm sure it'll look very good if an autism trust fails to take proper consideration of the needs of an autistic employee!

    Another real world factor to consider is this.  On most application forms and employment contracts, it states that if a staff member fails to disclose any relevant information which is subsequently found out, it can result in instant dismissal.  I know of someone who got sacked for failing to disclose a long period of sick leave from a previous job.

    I've also been on the receiving end of discrimination (prior to diagnosis) where I was getting such bad bullying from a colleague that it resulted in a serious mental breakdown and three months off work.  When I returned, I was reassigned to a different department - which was the condition of my return.  But a little way down the line, they asked me to cover for sickness in the previous department, which would have brought me back into contact with the bully.  Basically, they closed ranks against me because the bully had seniority in terms of years of service (not of actual employment status).  So... I left.  This woman was the most horrendous bully.  Other staff members afterwards told me that she'd caused problems.  But there you go.  Such is life.

    I agree with the points you make.  But I still think that you have to be very aware about the possible risks of non-disclosure.

  • When I got my diagnosis, I was working in another care role to the one I have now (where I disclosed it at the interview).  I'd only been in this other job for a few weeks.  I went and told my manager and her first question was 'Why didn't you say at your interview that you had gone for a diagnosis?'  I said because I didn't really expect to get diagnosed, and I apologised for the omission.  They said it was fine and just asked that I brought in a letter of proof so that it could go on my record

  • I totally agree with everything you say - but in the real world there are subtle ways of making your life difficult - I was on the receiving end of it for many years - nothing you can create a scene over - nothing  you could make an issue of without being labelled as petty - but just lots of omissions and minor mistakes that make life very difficult.

    My union rep was useless - didn't seem to understand their responsibilities and the HR dept was 110% behind whatever management wanted to do.

    Utter incompetence all round.

    I'll give you a slightly edited, simplified example - let's say if I found spilt drinks all around the tea machine, I would wipe it up because it is a safety hazard. (aspie following rules)

    If it kept happening, I would report it to the manager as a lack of staff following procedures.

    The manager would agree and say he would do something about it.

    The problem continued.

    I would bring it to the attention of the manager again.

    He would say oh, sorry, didn't get around to telling the staff due to "xx" (insert plausible reason)

    Problem continues.

    If I ignore the problem and don't mop it up, I am guilty of wilfully leaving an unsafe situation.

    Also, as management know that I was aware of the problem, I am double guilty of leaving an unsafe situation.

    End result = I am the highest paid cleaner in the world mopping up after incompetent people.

    What would you do.....

    Luckily, through good people supporting me externally, when it came to the crunch I walked away with a good payout.

  • I’ve already told management that I may have it before my assessment as I was being perceived in a negative way and I had to give a reason to my behaviour. But I do see both ur points regarding how i’ll be treated. My main concern is not telling management but instead telling my colleagues of which already disclued me and give me grief, I’m not sure if I should tell them in hope that my work life would be more pleasant as at the moment it’s really not with misunderstanding and bullying 

  • I would be careful about telling your employer - depending on your management and HR department's attitude to disabilities. It can be used against you if they choose not to support you - you might become 'too much bother'

    Sorry, Plastic, but I must take issue with you there.  It's not about management or HR's attitudes to disabilities.  It's simply illegal for them to discriminate on the grounds of a disability (and that's if you think of autism as a disability).  The same as it's illegal to discriminate against someone who became pregnant, or developed a heart condition (depending on the context of the job being done).  And if they use it against a person and choose not to support them, that can be regarded - depending on circumstances - as bullying or constructive dismissal.  I'd certainly think it would be a wise option to have a union on board, mind.  There are still avenues of recourse, though.  If you're doing your job well, and there's no reason to fault you in any way, why should an employer try to make life difficult?  Another point is, if you don't say anything, you could put yourself at risk later on - if it's found out - for being deceitful.  It could happen if, for instance, there was an incident at work that resulted in an anxiety attack or meltdown, or if you were moved to an environment which was detrimental to any hyper- or hypo-sensitivity.  More noise, brighter lights, etc.

    Having said that, I do realise that some employers are more 'enlightened' than others.  Again, I think Jason should take his time - and he will know best what the situation is, and what the reaction is likely to be.  Just as long as he is aware that there could also be attendant risks of non-disclosure.

  • Yes, don't rush into anything.  It takes confidence to come 'out'.  Don't fret over it too much.  Take your time.

  • I would be careful about telling your employer - depending on your management and HR department's attitude to disabilities. It can be used against you if they choose not to support you - you might become 'too much bother' - so even though nothing has changed about you or your worrk, they might start to look at you very differently.

    They might start treating you like a hand grenade with the pin pulled out - just waiting for you to do something that they can make a mountain out of.

    If your employer is positive and caring about their staff - go for it.

  • Thanks for all these reply’s they are very helpful and I appreciate all of them. I just need to decide which one to follow Thinking

  • Hi Jason,

    My own position is this - and it is my own position, not necessarily anyone else's.

    I tell everyone.  Everyone.  People can take it as they choose.

    And those who choose to take it as a reason to distance themselves from me... well, the further away they are, the better!

    I'm proud of my autism.  The same as I'd be proud to be gay if I was gay.  I'm going to tell the world about it. 

    And the world can do what it likes with that information.

  • It is definitely your decicion but you should.weigh everything up.carefully.

    I do not think terms.such as 'mild' or 'slight'' autism are particularly helpful (nor for that matter 'severe') since they gloss over the needs and abilities of the person. You are autistic and in one way or another this manifests itself in many ways, and it is more than likely there is an autistic time bomb within ready to detonate in all its glory, in a spectacular display of what NTs would call 'unaccepable behaviour' or cause severe depression and anxiety.

    I was having great problems at work and had to declare my autism, without so doing I would have been dismissed.  My assessor helpfully produced a detailed statement as to how I was affected and what adjustments should be made, and it opened the way for funding via Access to Work for a couple of sessions a month with a support worker.

    You must have felt you were 'different' to seek a diagnosis, and however well you try to hide it, in all probability others will have noticed some quirks you may have that appear 'strange' to them. They may  not recognise this as autism, but they may make crass comments or remarks at times. My experience of 'coming out' was very positive and it does not affect who I am, it just explains things. I am not embarrassed or ashamed of my autism, but I don't shout about it to my neighbours or people I meet, but when I think it might be helpful I will say so.  It has never been a hindrance to me in that sense.

  • Not all families will accept it, many many reasons, only you can judge wether they will accept it or be dismissive.

     I am happy you got your disgnosis.. please search on here, we are all individuals and each have many variables to add to our life experiences.

    As for work, you don’t need to unless you feel you need support in some form or another.

     Basically you don’t need to tell anyone, it’s purely a personal choice.

     Some will accept you for who you are, sadly some won’t understand and possibly say i

    unkind things without even realising they cause upset.

    Others namely work colleagues may just use it to form an ill judged idea of who you are, 

    I wish you well and hope whatever you do it works out ok for you.

    I am not formerly diagnosed but still I tell “some” people I meet I am autistic,,,those I feel may be non judgemental and allow me to be myself.

     Yes I have judged that wrongly but the majority have been ok. I have had to explain what it means to me, sadly one or two who think they know what autism is assume I am either non verbal and sit around flapping my hands or brain of Britain.

    I do try to educate them. Anf

    d often succeed, 

    take care and be kind to yourself.

  • Family, yes. Work, probably best to. But no, you don't need to tell everyone.

  • I would personally think carefully before I do so, as after you've told someone, you can't "untell".