Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi ro all. I am a 56 years old and I was diagnosed with Aspergers 8 years ago. I have a daughter and I have been with my husband for 30 years. My husband took the diagnosis very badly and decided that a reltionship between an aspie and an NT was bound to fail. I went to a therapist and I worked rally hard to adjust my behaviour to his needs and wants. To no avail. After all this time, he has decided to separate. I am devastated as I dont have many friends to support me and my family refuses my diagnosis and they never understood me. I also have been physically disabled for the last 3 years due to an accident and I have an auto immune disease. I have lways suffered from anxiety and depression but now they are out of control. My husband says he loves me but cannot live with me and wants to live his own life. He says he wants to remain my closest friend but I am devastated. I cannot understand what he wants. Has anyone gone through a separation or has lost a relationship because they were autustic?
So after 22 years together you get a diagnosis and he decides that he can't live with you because of the diagnosis? Is that right?
Yes pretty much. He says there was always something weird which made things difficult but he hoped it would be something “treatable” like manic depression or something. He did not want a life sentence if aspie.it is so unfair
I jokingly suggested that maybe I should go to my GP for some pills for the autism. He brightly answered “oooo can you do that”?
yes, it’s a sad situation but it really is his loss. You cant change who you are or adjust your behaviour just to suit others. In doing that you suppress your true self and that ain’t healthy
it is a tiring business being what others want you to be or “fitting in”. Do nuture yourself. I hope you have some support around you (quality not quantity is key). I also hope other areas in your life are fairly stable for you so you can sail in calm seas
You are totally right. I have exhausted myself trying to conform to NT expectations and have greatly suffered as a result