Going through the process of getting diagnosed - worried

My 28 year old son has just been diagnosed and I was over the moon as he finally now knows what it is after many years of trying to find out what is wrong with him. I say wrong with him because that is how it was looked at by the medical profession and himself. He has gone through so many different diagnosis's such as, depression, PTSD, Anger issues etc. When he was finally diagnosed and came out of the appointment he said he didn't feel any different other than he was angry that it hadn't been picked up on when he was a child as school was so horrible and difficult for him. As time has gone on he is now very glad of the diagnosis as he now knows what he is and can explain to people why he doesn't want to socialise with them sometimes, and why he seems strange to them. It is making his life easier and much more controllable. The best thing he has found is that he can now say, 'NO' to people and situations and not feel forced into being in a situation that he finds intolerable. All in all it was one of the best things to happen to him. He is a lot calmer and a lot more in control of his life now. As with you my son also prior to the diagnosis went through his life coming crashing down around him where he had to give up work also. Everything had to stop to figure out what was wrong with him. He actually figured out he was autistic himself hence going to the doctors to arrange testing. Now he is starting to build his life up again. 

Only you can answer if you should continue or stop, I guess you have to figure out what would be the benefits for you to obtain the diagnosis and is it worth it? Speaking for my son it was definitely the best thing for him to do. 

Thank you for your reply, hearing about others does help.

I feel I agree with lots you have said, I struggle saying no and spend time with friends feeling so uncomfortable just wanting to be at home. I am also angry nobody has helped me before as school was a nightmare for me.

I feel my life is one big act, everybody thinks I am quiet and very laid back which is an image I have worked hard to portray but little spo they no how stressed and anxious I really am. I found a job with a really good manager who seemed to understand me and I was very successful, unfortunately she left and my new boss just didn’t understand me and I just fell apart and ended up been too ill to work. I am so frustrated I am not able to express myself.

This is really daft but I have said more to you about how I feel on here than I have ever said to anybody else, I guess it’s because you get it.

thank you again x 

Thank you for your reply, hearing about others does help.

I feel I agree with lots you have said, I struggle saying no and spend time with friends feeling so uncomfortable just wanting to be at home. I am also angry nobody has helped me before as school was a nightmare for me.

I feel my life is one big act, everybody thinks I am quiet and very laid back which is an image I have worked hard to portray but little spo they no how stressed and anxious I really am. I found a job with a really good manager who seemed to understand me and I was very successful, unfortunately she left and my new boss just didn’t understand me and I just fell apart and ended up been too ill to work. I am so frustrated I am not able to express myself.

This is really daft but I have said more to you about how I feel on here than I have ever said to anybody else, I guess it’s because you get it.

thank you again x 

Thank you for your advice - I’m so glad your son is happy and the diagnosis has helped. I am sure that it will help me too and some days I feel like that and other days I decide that it will make things worse. I’m sure the nurse is sick of me as I call and leave a message for her to call me back so I can pull out but when she calls me back I start to panic and don’t answer.

i was at my last job for 10 years before everything went wrong and after a year off I found another job against my drs advice, I’ve proved him wrong and coped well for about 7 weeks but I feel I stand out here as the company is smaller. My manager is a nice person but I would never tell him about this. Today before we left he threw his phone and started swearing which everybody else ignored but it really shook me up as it scared me a bit. I feel so stupid as he is just stressed and wasn’t aiming it at me but I’m worrying about going back 2moro - silly really

The help your son got sounds good but this hasn’t been mentioned to me or if it has I have not taken it on.

thanks again the advice u have given has really helped, I hope u son & u stay well x 

I'm so glad we are able to help you and that you have us to talk to. My son too felt like life was one big act and that no one got him and to some extent it still is as so many people don't understand what autism is. They say to him, 'you don't look autistic', which makes him a little angry as no one does as its not a physical look or what they expect and because like you he put on an act. He's happy he's autistic and doesn't want to be ordinary but he does want more understanding from the ordinary people. Luckily it is getting more publicity now but it still has a long way to go. 

I'm so sorry to hear about your job and the manager not being able to support you or understand you. One of the best things about obtaining a diagnosis is that you should be able to get specialised therapy which really helps. After my son's diagnosis he was offered therapy at the same location to which he agreed to because he has always wanted it but for the right reasons (i.e. not for depression or PTSD etc. but for autism). It is helping my son a lot and this is where he has learnt to say no to people and situations. That is it right to say 'No' if you do not want to do something that you don't have to fit in and act ordinary. It's showing him that it is right to be him just as he is. I hope if you go for it you get this help too and it really benefits you.