self employed autistic and looking for nice girlfriend

Hi Nick-I can give you some tips!:-)

I agree that the cold approach may not work on a lot of women. Personally i find it very intimidating if a stranger walks up to me and asks me for my number. I would never want to give it them because i don't know them. I have been approached in that manner a few times over the years and every time i felt confused. It wouldn't matter if i thought they were nice looking or even friendly, it would still throw me.

Hi

ive had the same problems all my life. Single again now in my fifties.it doesn’t get easier

Ha! That made me spit out my tea, Cassandro. 

I think getting involved in social groups/clubs focused around things you're interested in (or think you might enjoy) is a good idea, that's how I met my (also autistic) other half when I was your age. We've been a couple for about 5 years now. 
Doing so will also generally help you with communication as you are interacting a lot socially but the focus is on the activity, so there's considerably less pressure and more room to observe and learn the social code.

As a woman, cold approach would totally freak me out; I think you're only likely to get the numbers of extremely self confident and socially outgoing women with that method. If that's what you're looking for that's fine, but it might not be a great fit if the situation is then that they are always wanting to take you to big group events that you fundamentally struggle with and therefore don't enjoy.
Meeting someone through an activity you already enjoy does mean you are more likely to get a good personality match and have at least one shared interest to build from. 

I am also bad at telling when people are interested in me. It took literal months of being apparently very obviously interested in eachother to those around us before me and my equally oblivious boyfriend finally admitted we were interested TO eachother (with the help of alcohol)! XD
 
I believe that some good signs are is if she is behaving in a very playful/childish manner with you different to the way she behaves with other people, focusing on you disproportionately in group situations, or generally being very keen on physical contact (not necessarily of an intimate nature, just contact in general). That's how I apparently come across, anyway! 

California said:

I have noticed that a lot of people do not take dating seriously.

Do you mean they make light of it in initial conversation? That's pretty typical. Being too intense with a stranger isn't likely to go anywhere. Stuff that isn't serious in the short-term can become serious long-term.

There's going to be a big difference between the type of site in what people want. Tinder and 'Plenty of Fish' are for short-term hookups, and very different from Guardian Soulmates. (Not that I've tried any of those myself. Yet.)

California said:

In the end, I am looking for someone who will help me and who I can help to to improve the quality of life. A mutual help. To help each other.

Hmm. That sounds more like a friendship. I don't think typical people plunge into either friendships or relationships head-first like that. There's got to be a period of getting to know each other, surely? How would it work otherwise?

Maybe our problems are two, then: (a) difficulty getting to know people, not knowing how, (b) seeing the big picture, and not seeing the experience now as being a small part of it.

I have been on several most popular websites. I am not there anymore as I do not think that the subscription fees are worth to pay.

I have noticed that a lot of people do not take dating seriously.

Also, I am a serious person. I do not find chatting enjoying.

For me, this is a serious business.

In the end, I am looking for someone who will help me and who I can help to to improve the quality of life. A mutual help. To help each other.

California said:

I have tried online dating. That was a huge waste of time. I noticed that most of the people were just looking for sex. I cannot have sex with strangers.

What site was that? I can. Pass them on to me.

Nick said:

if anyone has some tips they would be greatly appreciated

I wish I had. I'd be interested in what other people, men and women, have to say about your question. I'm more than twice your age, have had nice girlfriends in the past, but still find meeting someone really difficult. Once I get to know someone it's a lot easier.

You will probably need to keep trying to develop your social skills in any way possible, and be prepared for many setbacks. Ask your friends and family for suggestions, or if appropriate to try setting you up with someone.

Nick said:

an impossible feat

If you're a straight autistic man, it can be very difficult, but not impossible. I know a surprising number of autistic people with autistic partners, presumably partly because it's difficult to get a non-autistic person to understand. Some people do find social awkwardness off-putting, but others seem to find it endearing. Overcoming shyness is a big problem.

Nick said:

I am alright looking

Good, but I don't think it's about that, at least not for long-term relationships. However, there are probably things you can do to improve your chances on the appearance front. Firstly, work out. That doesn't require gym membership, and fitness is good anyway. Secondly, be clean and smart. I get different reactions from women depending on whether I'm wearing a baggy T-shirt or a casual suit.

Being fun, kind and confident are more important... getting more experience, including of just trying, helps.

Nick said:

I have been watching a lot of cold approach videos they get their number, I am thinking of trying to do that

I've never tried that. I wouldn't want to put you off though, as you might learn something that way. A friend met his wife from just asking lots of women.

Try not to mull over things. Just move on. I'd been told by an older woman not to be 'too fussy', or to get obsessed with one person: the more people you ask, the better chance you have. There may well be things you can learn to try from such videos, but they're only a little part of the story.

Nick said:

I tried online dating that was a huge waste of time got into a few conversations but they never wanted to actually meet

I wouldn't give up on that. I met someone that way. Maybe it wasn't a waste of time even if you didn't, as it's a safe way of experimenting. Do you have any idea why they didn't want to meet? Sense of humour may be important here.

Do try to do more social stuff you're interested in, as you might meet someone that way who has an interest in common. Have you tried any meetup.com groups in your area?

Nick said:

when are you meant to kiss her ?

I don't think that's been a problem for me, but then I don't think I have a problem non-verbal signals. If you've been getting on well and are alone and looking at each other and conversation falls silent and there's a moment of connection.... You can ask, I suppose. Move slowly. If you're aiming for the lips, and she turns her head away, that's a 'no', for now at least.

Nick said:

I also have no idea how to tell if  a girl is into me or just wants to be friends

Those aren't alternatives, despite what you may hear. 'Just' 'friends' is great. For me, love is about seeing the good in someone, maybe in their heart or soul. You don't know when that will happen.

You are not alone with this, if that helps. I also find it difficult to communicate with people.

I am also looking for a nice partner but I do not know how to find either.

I have tried online dating. That was a huge waste of time. I noticed that most of the people were just looking for sex. I cannot have sex with strangers. I would like someone to help each other and to share our lives with. I also really do not know how to tell if someone is into me or just wants to be friends. I also find it difficult to know when it would be appropriate to touch.

I am also trying desperately to become self-employed.

As I am becoming older day by day, I am starting to believe that I am meant to be single and alone.

I think it is so difficult for an autistic person to find a nice partner.

So, if it helps to know, you are not alone. I am in a very similar situation.

en.wikipedia.org/.../Men_Going_Their_Own_Way