My son wont accept help

Sorry this sounds so hard. So would you say motivation is the problem? Is he working?

Would he be at all interested in a peer support group for depression, rather than for autism?

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/peer-support-directory/

I hope other parents can contribute here. If you add 'tags' to the post, it may be easier to find.

Hi Cassandro, David won't accept help for autism or depression. He does has a job,but the placement is breaking down as he won't get out of bed to attend. He won't see his GP and when his social worker visited yesterday, he ran off.

thanks for your reply, I really appreciate it 

I'm still wondering why he's resisting the diagnosis or help. Could it be that he is ashamed of it? Or does he not relate the help offered to the way he thinks of his life problems? Or does he just not get on with any of the professionals?

I don't know anything about you, your son, or your relationship, but I am autistic. Maybe he's afraid of the future, or can't visualise a good one for himself. As his mum you're probably already doing this, but can you help him visualise a realistic future that he would like?

Hi Louise, this is just a thought and you may of already tried this but, if he wants to go to uni, talk about which subject he would want to study, ask questions about it like, why he wants to study this subject, engage in a positive way about it and then suggest that he can get some help to attend uni. This may mean sitting GCSE or A-Levels but its a positive start to accepting help for something he wants to achieve.

Liz x

Thanks!  Xxx

That's great ^^ hope so too! He's welcome to ping me into any thread he may start if he likes (@Emma) 

I too have noticed that you have to fight a lot harder for support once you hit adulthood, unfortunately autism is still something very much associated with children in the general public consciousness. :/ People often don't seem to realise that autistic kids grow up into still-autistic adults.

Definitely ask about a DEA! Good luck to you both x 

Hi Emma, thanks very much for your reply. I've just asked David if he would like to talk to people on here and to my amazement he said yes! Whether he will actually do it or not is another matter but he didn't reject it outright which is promising.

i haven't heard of a DEA  and one was never suggested for David but I will definitely look into this. When David was at school he saw careers people but now he's over 18, no one seems to care whether he has a job or studying or anything.

It sounds like David would hugely benefit by talking to people such as yourself. I will try hard to encourage him to join here, hopefully this will be the start of happier times for him.  Thanks again! X

Sorry, late ping response Cassandro- been away a few days!

I agree it sounds like demand avoidance, my also-autistic other half is much the same sometimes. 

Geordielou How would your son feel about joining this forum and having a chat with a few of us adults on the spectrum? It might help him feel a bit more connected with the world and many of us have also struggled with the same issues, so he might be more willing to accept advice from those of us who have been there.

I do understand to some extent his reluctance to accept help from professionals- I found the job centre extremely frustrating as they would assume what I was and wasn't capable of "due to my autism" rather than listening to the person who knows my brain best (me). >> 
I got a proper DEA (disability employment advisor) who was really helpful and supportive for the short time I met with him (got a job almost immediately after I was transferred to him) eventually though- they are out there! There's often a very negative spin on autism, it's very hard to deal with people who seem to think you're defective- another reason I think he could do well connecting with other autistic people. 

Re. University, I agree with you that he would struggle to get onto most courses without higher level qualifications than he currently has, however if he has a look at the Open University they often do not ask for prerequisite qualifications (he'll still need the skills to finish the course, but fewer hoops to jump through just to get on the course) and also provide 'access modules' he could take as a 'taster' to see for himself where he might want to brush up on his skills before going for the full degree.
A lot of us aspies (me included) find it very hard to learn in any other way except "by experience". I still really struggle to accept advice over trying things out for myself, even though I know full well it makes life harder for me!

Re. socialising/dating, I would definitely second Cassandro and suggest he join local groups related to games/activities he enjoys (or thinks he may enjoy). I met my partner and most of my close friends through a board game group. It does really take the pressure off when the object is to do the activity you enjoy with socialising on the side, plus it increases the chance of meeting people with similar interests and general social chemistry.

Hope that helps! x 

Sorry, late ping response Cassandro- been away a few days!

I agree it sounds like demand avoidance, my also-autistic other half is much the same sometimes. 

Geordielou How would your son feel about joining this forum and having a chat with a few of us adults on the spectrum? It might help him feel a bit more connected with the world and many of us have also struggled with the same issues, so he might be more willing to accept advice from those of us who have been there.

I do understand to some extent his reluctance to accept help from professionals- I found the job centre extremely frustrating as they would assume what I was and wasn't capable of "due to my autism" rather than listening to the person who knows my brain best (me). >> 
I got a proper DEA (disability employment advisor) who was really helpful and supportive for the short time I met with him (got a job almost immediately after I was transferred to him) eventually though- they are out there! There's often a very negative spin on autism, it's very hard to deal with people who seem to think you're defective- another reason I think he could do well connecting with other autistic people. 

Re. University, I agree with you that he would struggle to get onto most courses without higher level qualifications than he currently has, however if he has a look at the Open University they often do not ask for prerequisite qualifications (he'll still need the skills to finish the course, but fewer hoops to jump through just to get on the course) and also provide 'access modules' he could take as a 'taster' to see for himself where he might want to brush up on his skills before going for the full degree.
A lot of us aspies (me included) find it very hard to learn in any other way except "by experience". I still really struggle to accept advice over trying things out for myself, even though I know full well it makes life harder for me!

Re. socialising/dating, I would definitely second Cassandro and suggest he join local groups related to games/activities he enjoys (or thinks he may enjoy). I met my partner and most of my close friends through a board game group. It does really take the pressure off when the object is to do the activity you enjoy with socialising on the side, plus it increases the chance of meeting people with similar interests and general social chemistry.

Hope that helps! x 

Thanks!  Xxx

That's great ^^ hope so too! He's welcome to ping me into any thread he may start if he likes (@Emma) 

I too have noticed that you have to fight a lot harder for support once you hit adulthood, unfortunately autism is still something very much associated with children in the general public consciousness. :/ People often don't seem to realise that autistic kids grow up into still-autistic adults.

Definitely ask about a DEA! Good luck to you both x 

Hi Emma, thanks very much for your reply. I've just asked David if he would like to talk to people on here and to my amazement he said yes! Whether he will actually do it or not is another matter but he didn't reject it outright which is promising.

i haven't heard of a DEA  and one was never suggested for David but I will definitely look into this. When David was at school he saw careers people but now he's over 18, no one seems to care whether he has a job or studying or anything.

It sounds like David would hugely benefit by talking to people such as yourself. I will try hard to encourage him to join here, hopefully this will be the start of happier times for him.  Thanks again! X