A little help please

Hi all,

I'm in my early 40s and recently had a Autism Assessment which was based around ADOS.

I did everything I could to be 'myself', the self I've been brought up to be embarrassed about, ashamed of, and hide my entire life. i know I did ok, but I was still my social bit. There were 3 people in the room who I didn't know and who were being nice to me. I think I must have just went into autopilot. I also wasn't as prepared as I should have been, I should have had correct checklists, because I know I can't talk about it or explain it unaided.

As you might have guessed, they gave me a negative diagnosis. I scored 3. They didn't observe enough relevant behaviours in the testing.

I've a second follow-up in 7 weeks time to discuss what I will have read int he more detailed report. I now also have checklists ready per  Samantha Craft at everydayaspie.wordpress.com and help4aspergers.com

This is after 2 days of feeling completely lost at sea and having a major meltdown this morning.

I don't want to argue with the experts, I always doubt myself. But the bigger part of me knows I'm an Aspie. It's all me, and it all makes sense of me past and present. The me I never seem to be able to fully show anyone that is. 

I feel a break in the clouds having had the epiphany of the checklists and finding this forum here. But I really do need help. I need to find a way to have them see who and how I am under all these systems I have in place to get on in, and with, life and the people in it. I'm so exhausted by it all, the weirdo inside that has no explanation. I need her to be validated. I need to be free. I thought I'd finally be able to breathe out and relax once and for all once this assessment was done.

Please can anyone help me figure out what to do?

Any help very, very gratefully received.

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