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Uni problems...don't know what to do (burnout maybe?)

Boating_taxonomist

For context, I am currently on a waiting list for an assessment for ASD but I don't know how long its going to be.

So, I've made it through an undergrad and a masters degree (didn't start until 22 after pretty much dropping out of everything at 17 and doing very little for the best part of 5 years, so not quite as successful as it sounds). But I have this pattern, that has followed me since the first year of undergrad. I cope for half of the year-I'm motivated, I get what I need to do done, and do it well, I even manage to be somewhat social.

Then it gets to about March, and...crash. I just suddenly feel drained and lacking the mental energy to do anything and all my coping skills go out of the window (I definitely have executive functioning issues and all my overcompensating ways of coping falls apart, as does any of my will to do anything that involves having to 'people'). In my undergrad degree this usually meant I entirely avoided lectures (and when I did go, I didn't take a thing in), avoided people, and then had to cram in order to get through exams. It was the same every year, though maybe less pronounced for my masters. That was kind of manageable for me at that level-I did well despite probably underachieving for me. But I'm half way through the first year of a PhD (it it my most amazing achievement that I got onto it-I had another 2 years out and failed so many interviews so badly to get here) and again I find myself just unable to do anything. Even simple things like sending an email can take me an entire day.

In the last six weeks I think I've got about a week's worth of work done.  My supervisor (who is lovely and who I confided in a few weeks back that I am struggling a bit generally) keeps coming to see if I'm okay, and I keep telling him I am but I think he knows it's not true. But I don't really know how to explain how I'm struggling because I'm not sure I 100% understand myself, and I'm not sure it'd make sense to someone else. The thought that I should see someone in student support has been floating round my head for the last couple of weeks...but actually managing to go and do that seems beyond me (like all the steps of having to go over and make an appointment and explain what I need...part of my brain feels like it can't translate that into meaningful actions). I also feel like I have a total aversion to talking to anyone right now, which isn't helping. Taking time off hasn't helped. Using an app to organise what I've got to do has somewhat helped in that before I hadn't got anything done, but the moment I get stuck on something I'm completely paralysed trying to figure out my next actions.

I don't know what to do. Would be grateful if anyone had any advice or insight as to why my brain seems to suddenly stop working properly like this. :/

  • I think I kind of understand your situation. I'm a graduate student as well and struggled a lot, not exactly in the same way, but I definitely understand how some 'simple' things like contacting student support or asking your supervisor for help can be so difficult. It took me a long time to contact the disability centre in my university and afterwards I struggled to keep in contact with them. I'm finally in the process of getting an assessment now. Maybe you can write something like what you have written on this forum and bring it to student support (you can even print it out on a piece of paper if talking is difficult). You seemed to have explained well on here what is troubling you. You just need to do the same thing as you've done here when you contact them. Wish you the best of luck! And try to think positive, remind yourself of all the things you have already accomplished so far :)

  • in reply to Boating_taxonomist

    ...I just wondered if the spring might be harder for some reason, either physical (worse sleep? hayfever? endocrine system?) or psychosocial (timetable differences? anniversary?) but it could be mid-project fatigue (which I've just made up)

    No, I do understand executive function problems, in that I don't understand them but I have them. I was slyly trying to suggest your planning may be better than you think, and some people might not feel they need to plan thoroughly anyway and just start with:

    1. go over
    Boating_taxonomist said:
    The only way I'm getting anything done is by breaking it down into tiny, tiny steps to make it feel more manageable, but that is also woefully inefficient.

    See also

    https://nohalfmeasures.quora.com/A-recipe-for-success

  • in reply to Cassandro
    Cassandro said:
    Is it a seasonal thing?

    I think it's to do with that I put everything into staying on top of things in the first half, and then just kind of run out of juice.

    Cassandro said:

    Maybe it's:

    1. 'go over and make an appointment and'
    2. 'explain what I need'

    Yeah...I'm aware it sounds like a simple thing. I think my brain is having trouble breaking things down into the specific actionable things; it sees 'go and make an appointment' and there's a load of little things within that which has to happen in order for that to occur (like finding time to plan what I'm going to say-and I don't know what that is- actually going over to the building, finding the right person I need to speak to-and I don't know who that is-etc) and it all starts to feel like a muddle and I start to feel overwhelmed. Even though I know it's not that difficult a thing.

    The only way I'm getting anything done is by breaking it down into tiny, tiny steps to make it feel more manageable, but that is also woefully inefficient.

  • Is it a seasonal thing?

    The 'doing' part of my brain gives out a lot of the time, so I'd like to know the answer as well. Maybe it's some unmet need before you get back to work, or maybe you need help with planning, or maybe you're underestimating the amount of time things would take normally and you have hit a slow patch. Choose the easiest or most interesting bit that has a lasting effect?  Glad the reminders and things that go 'ping' help.

    Boating_taxonomist said:
    I don't really know how to explain how I'm struggling because I'm not sure I 100% understand myself, and I'm not sure it'd make sense to someone else.

    Familiar. One of my problems is not being able to describe my problems.

    Boating_taxonomist said:
    The thought that I should see someone in student support has been floating round my head for the last couple of weeks...but actually managing to go and do that seems beyond me (like all the steps of having to go over and make an appointment and explain what I need...part of my brain feels like it can't translate that into meaningful actions).

    Maybe it's:

    1. 'go over and make an appointment and'
    2. 'explain what I need'

    Hmm. I've been so unhelpful this post, I'm going to mark myself down.