Stepping out on my own! - breaking ties rather than keep trying to conform and failing

I am pretty much on my own, and the grass is always greener on the other side. As Martian Tom said, before his current disappearance, it's a dilemma between being cut off from people, and not being able to get on with them. When I was much younger, I did move to another city and intend to cut off all ties. It didn't last long.

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NT life

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their hoops

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making a mess of it

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such ties as family and relationships

These are generalisations. It may help to be more specific. Sorry, if that sounds rude.

I don't think cutting ties or burning bridges is a good idea. A holiday on your own might be a chance to experiment. There's that silly idea from Men are from Mars that men need a shed at the bottom of the garden more than women do. We all need autonomy and peace and creative time to ourselves, maybe just autistic people a bit more. I do need people, but they are unpredictable, so I'll accept whatever happens.

Maybe more going on here than I realised. Could be worth contacting Women's Aid?

I'll delete my posts if asked.

Thank you for your care and diligence and I’m sorry if my response shocked you. The cohersive and controlling situation I am in at the moment is manageable but not healthy and denies me the opportunity to be my true self or be understood.

It lends itself to that slow clipping away of self worth and agency. Yes, at times and at extremes it can be violent and horrid and I am mindful that others know my partners tempernent and blind site it all. 

At the moment my OH is in hospital but I am still micromanaged which seems like a blurred mix of care but also a need to control.... I edited quite a lot of my posts yesterday out of panic in terms of who might read all this. That made me sad as we all need small places where we can be ourselves.

i am not an outrageous elephant by temperament... I am not about to run wild, start sordid affairs, stay out late or paint the town red.. lLike most aspies I seek peace and an environment in which I can feel centred, where I can read books, go for walks in the countryside, meet with friends, maybe even start my PhD.

i want a quiet life, I am content sitting on the periphery of things and my self diagnosis last year was in itself an epiphany in that there is me, this elephant in the room, which has been disregarded and discarded because I am different and require a little more work than some to understand.

I am a capable provider... i scuttle around each day doing others bidding and that seems to be my role. I seem to have been forgotten or discarded as an individual. Maybe it is because I have discarded myself or do so just in order to keep my head above the water line.

thank you everyone for their posts. This is not the cheeriest of reads but as always everyone’s honesty and care shines through 

x

Yes... it’s been a while since I’ve read Plato’s cave... you are as bright and perceptive as always DT.... I will try and slowly accustom myself to the sunlight...

I hope you are well

Yes... it’s been a while since I’ve read Plato’s cave... you are as bright and perceptive as always DT.... I will try and slowly accustom myself to the sunlight...

I hope you are well