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ASD and connecting with people

NAS37269

I am a 24 year old female who was diagnosed with mild ASD 12 years ago. 

I have a fiancé who I’ve been with for 4 years and are getting married next year! We have an amazing relationship and I feel very close to him. I am also very close with my mum, dad and sister but that’s where it stops! I am currently working 2 days a week but have already backed away from my colleges there and am feeling very awkward around them! I also struggle to keep on top of my work! (I fiand having to organise things very stressful and confusing) I have been in and out of different jobs since I was 16 as I can’t hold down a job for long at all! I also can’t seem to maintain friends, I begin to make friends but then something happens and I can’t carry on building the friendship! This has been the same my whole life apart from one girl who I managed to be friends with for about 10 years. 

I seem to have a block when it comes to building friendships! I just don’t ever feel connected to anyone really, does anyone else experience this? Do you have any tips to help me? Also does anyone experience the same as me with work? It’s really starting to bug me!

thanks!

  • in reply to NAS37269

    Is there a lot of paperwork? Do they know about your ASC? Have you been shown how to do the paperwork enough for your needs?

    Sorry for the questions

  • in reply to DongFeng5

    Ok, wow, looks like quite a few people experience this - thanks for commenting. It makes me feel a bit less alone in going through that.

  • in reply to NAS37269

    Ah I'm kind of glad it"s not just me, although it is a bit of a pain we have to go through it at all! Maybe it's a kind of defence mechanism to protect us from getting hurt?  I have to say, one of my good friends is mildly autistic and the other is very aspie-friendly (i.e. she doesn't care if I make social mistakes or say the wrong thing) so I think this does help us get along, like you say with your friend.

    I love dogs too! I have a 12 year old Labrador that I love to bits. You do really well to talk to people at the puppy class even though you find it a bit difficult. I think an autistic support group sounds like a great idea, if there is one near to you :-) I've been lucky, again, in just randomly meeting other women with ASD at craft groups and volunteering.

  • in reply to California

    Ditto. I don't think it's a confidence issue - but how should I know? After all, I spent 40+ years unaware of my autism.

  • in reply to PoGoAddict
    PoGoAddict said:
    Sometimes I find that after starting to make friends, I kind of withdraw and cant continue the friendship - it's like I get scared that I won't know how to act with a close friend rather than a casual one. Don't know if that's ASD or a confidence issue though!

    I have exactly the same problem.

  • in reply to PoGoAddict

    That’s the same with me! I withdraw from the friendship! I don’t quite know how to keep one going, apart from with that one girl! But she was also mildly autistic so perhaps we understood each other. 

    I’m very interested in dogs! I have two of my own and I do take my pup to puppy classes where I speak to people but that block is still there and my fiancé comes with me to that aswell. I did dance for 10 years when I was younger and had people there that I spoke to but never made proper stable friendships. Maybe if I was to go to a autistic support group I might be able to find people more like me!

  • in reply to Song

    I work in a pre school, some staff do full time and some only do a day or two! Everyone seems to be friends and I just feel like I’m on the outside looking in! I don’t quite know how to be involved, I just feel different to everyone. I say to myself just get on with work and don’t worry about trying to fit in but I’m even struggling with the organisation and paper work that’s involved.... I just feel I’ve completely switched off again. 

  • Sometimes I find that after starting to make friends, I kind of withdraw and cant continue the friendship - it's like I get scared that I won't know how to act with a close friend rather than a casual one. Don't know if that's ASD or a confidence issue though!

    I've been really lucky in that I made a couple of brilliant friends at uni and they've stuck by me. I think the shared experience of uni, similar interests and living in the same building helped us become friends.

    I struggle a lot with employment and staying in a job so really sympathise with you on that! I find it difficult being around anyone for long periods of time and especially work colleagues that I don't know all that well. I find it easier to just be casually polite with people at work and have my real friendships outside the workplace; it is just what works for me.

    Do you have any hobbies or interests that have social groups or activities attached to them? Maybe that could be a way of building up friendships? Having ASC and making/keeping friends is hard work though so don't be too hard on yourself

  • I'm sorry you are having problems with this, what type of work so you do? Is every one else also part time or are they all full time? The reason I ask is that if they are all full time even NT's have a problem fitting in when they are the only one that part time or agency.

    I did manage to hold down the same job for 2 Decades. The way I managed was i became the best at my job and I didn't care what anyone thought of me. I have never been able to make friends so I stopped trying. 

  • Whenever I find or meet someone who shares an interest with me, I'll latch on and latch hard. I'll rattle on about that one shared interest and push for shared exploration of that interest, or push my knowledge onto them. It scares a lot of people off, and I've only ever met a small handful who were willing to let me and form a friendship.

    I have no tips really, as I tend to form a strong one sided connection until it becomes obvious they've avoiding it, then I break off too.

  • I wish I could give tips on how to form and maintain friendships. Either I find someone else annoying, or they find me annoying. I have had very few lasting friendships in my life.