"Putting on my best normal" - how to shed the mask and do it anyway...

|| ElephantInTheRoom quoted:

The Narrative Self. Accumulated evidence from neuroscience supports the idea that the self does not start as an integrated whole but rather is nonunitary in origin (LeDoux 2002).

The narrative Self is the subconscious or intellectually programmed Self, that becomes a unitary whole, once the linguistic fluid networkings of the mid-body relationship are verbally frame-worked as fixed states of linguistic identification ~ as essential being a word and world map and dictionary.

Of course, our linguistic 'map-come-dictionary' is primed (heard) and fixed (pronounced, affirmed and corrected) involving objects and words beginning with "Mum" and "Dad" and "You" and "Me" and so on and so fourth with all the other words in personal, familial, social and environmental settings.

|| ElephantInTheRoom quoted:

LeDoux (page 192) and Demasio (200, 2002) both argue that narrative provides the essential glue that binds various neural networks to create a unified sense of self.

Linguistic narration provides the fixed linguistic frame-working of the human organism as being a system of seven fluid psycho-physiological networkings, as which operate inter-phasically, or simultaneously (at the same time together) in a wholistically individual way.

Narration is not then the 'glue' that binds the various neuronal networkings to form a unified sense of Self ~ as a unified sense of self occurs from about four and a half months gestation time in the womb, otherwise miscarriages or still births are the result.

Narration is though the linguistic frame-working (or scaffolding) that structurally  integrates particular neuronal networking systems together ~ through the psycho-physiological anatomy.

This is so in order to piece or fit together a descriptive mapping for the primary sense of self involving the body and its internal operations ~ along with particular objects and states of affairs going on in the external environment.

Due though to gestation, birth and sociological or ecological traumas, the vast majority of people get disassociated from their primary sense of self.

As such most people do not have a direct relationship with their primary sense of self, as being the conscious sole, or individual personality ~ otherwise called the enlightening, intuitive or vitalising self.

Instead of the disassociated 'intuitive' self then, a 'narrative' self is instead socially programmed in the shared and enforced sense ~ with each word getting physically and mentally emplaced more or less strongly with each object and set of actions ~ on essentially the basis of walk this way and talk this way in order to do or get things, and all that.  

The 'intuitive' or 'conscious' self is then the true self as being an individually incorporating symbiotic Personality, which is in principle more collaborative, or equalitarian.

Whereas the 'narrative' or 'subconscious' self ~ is the false self or collectively incorporating accumulation of parasitic and symbiotic Personae, which are in principle more competitive or elitist.

. said:

Now, the idea of the “narrative self” and trying to correlate our relationship and understanding of the states of child, parent and adult..

as the screen grab denotes, good memory helps (i’m thinking of your brain wiring here...and your occasional blue screens and reboots) as well as the ND capacity to make sense of NT to ND and vice versa interactions ...

In relation to my long term memory, I do not have a short term memory to obstruct it, i.e. my Personae frameworks could not remain emplaced. They were in structural terms rather weak, whilst my Personality integration was by contrast quite strong ~ so unlike the vast majority of people my character has remained pretty much the same, and I have not been able to characteristically reinvent myself ~ so my long term memory is intact since at least my first bowel movement, and from seeing misty shades to clearly seen objects and states of affairs going on around me.

When it comes to what you describe as 'blue screens and reboots' during seizures ~ no such luck. I get concurrently functional multi-spectral inter-phasing and multi system updating of my sensibilities ~ which is pretty much like when the NAS forum was updated from the old one to this one, but seven times over with each seizure and generally no offline time.

Obviously with mild seizures there is less of a change to operational procedures, and big ones more of change. Big ones have taken up to three weeks to get used to, and little ones up to a few days on average.

One thing that always happens, is that my psychological dictionary gets its word listings rearranged and resequenced ~ making it difficult or impossible to find the appropriate words for the appropriate things for however long. Fortunately I have a friend who is also a polymath that helps me systematically redo the crossword puzzle of my mind's word-mapping, on a weekly basis when possible.

Reading helps sometimes, watching DVD box sets with subtitles other times, but listening and talking with ND types always works. NT types generally not ~ bless them.

. said:

ive been off work and my clambering brain is trying to make the most of the rest it has had....

? Sorry

May I suggest never apologising for needing time out and taking it easy, most especially when it comes to being on holiday from teaching work ;-)

DT

Deepthought said:

There is book by Joseph Campbell, titled, THE HERO OF A THOUSAND FACES, which is really well worth a read and the illustrations really worth a look.

Many thanks for your time in contemplating the intricacies of an Elephant and also for the book recommendation. I am familiar of the 12 steps of the hero's journey having taught it to students of  computer game narrative.  Like all books it gives me scope to read digest and to make my own connections and interpretations.  I have successfully sourced and downloaded my copy for reading..

Many thanks for allowing me to tap into your academic expertise.  It is typical of me to try to find meaning in aligning my experience to academic theory as a way to effectively "give a name" and a pillar to start a journey from... and a point of reference. A compass of sorts....

Deepthought said:

Most people can only achieve the psychological proficiency of an Adult from their forty-forth year of age, at which time the mid-life crisis occurs and can be put to good use.

Reassuring, as this Elephant is currently 43 and a quarter.. and interesting to have the oxymoronic terms of crisis and proficiency in the same sentence. unless the irony is that without crisis we cannot become proficient! 

Many thanks also for letting me tap into your cerebral cortex with other psychological models worth examining. next steps indeed.

next steps... there are many...but at this juncture you have steered me to some useful anchor points.  @BlueRay it is your turn next - re: Eastern philosophy, mindfulness and yoga when wearing wellies!

thank you and I owe you one! I have not much to offer in return but my Elephant skills and the ability to camouflage myself in a room..

Ellie

. said:

Yes, undoubtedly this needs more work as at present there is a mix of awareness and of "feeling lost" - overwhelmed with the body of work needed to be done and that lack of "self time" to consider as deeply as i would like and importantly what this little elephant can do about it.

Well, when 'feeling lost' ~ you are starting to become familiar with the indefatigable mystery of your true self, i.e. that aspect of each of us that is only ever in degrees known through feelings, thoughts and actions, and are as which like the grains of sand that are part of an infinite beach which serves as the shores of an infinite desert.

The one you have now crossed. Learn to enjoy as much being lost and enjoy as such being found.

"Self time" is all times in all events so watch the projections of your ego-states as second hand social behaviourisms, and do other than to go deeply into their make-up ~ keep on watching and feeling the surface stuff you engage your thoughts and invest your actions in, and shed the scales of which as slowly as you can.

More is achieved in this way, and less work is involved. Little by little bit by bit.

And as far as being only a little elephant goes, not so methinks, for was it not a year ago that you were protecting Misfit61 and others from the first wave of a heavy barrage of insults, and have you not supported many many others before and since with also your kindness and your humour?

If am mistaken about you not being a little elephant though ~ best things in small packages perhaps rings certainly true in your case then?

. said:

For an elephant to be its own instrument of change will take strength and "balls*" - (* at present no other word suffices)... do let me know if psychology has its own term .. maybe the yiddish term - "chutzpah"

The psychological equivalent of "Chutzpah" is basically 'resilience'. In terms though of an  elephant being its own instrument of change, it certainly can involve tools to make easier work of things.

Consider for instance the study or use of archetypes ~ as being genetic, pictographic and linguistic structures that all people use, as inherited from the ancestral line or family tree as being the collective unconscious for most, but consciously accessible by some ~ normally via transcendental meditation or such like, or for a few when and where needed.

There is book by Joseph Campbell, titled, THE HERO OF A THOUSAND FACES, which is really well worth a read and the illustrations really worth a look.

Perhaps more simply most are given to study the HERO/INE and MARTYR dichotomy ~ involving service to others by way of sacrificing the self, with the question of course being which self gets sacrificed, i.e. the conscious self of universal harmony, the subconscious self of social accordance and the unconscious self of anti-social discordance.

. said:

correct, my ego is in a state! and like the multi-faceted masks each habitual behaviourism originates someone whether learnt or a clutched strategy..

Believe it or not your ego is just fine, being that it is your focus of attention in respect of gauging the pitch, tone and volume of your voice when either speaking to or with others who are near to you, or else calling out to or shouting at those who are further from you, or in danger.

As such we only need then the ego when communicating with others, otherwise it really is not required, and its most effective point of rest is in the centre-point of the chest. We do not need to project the ego back into the past or forward into the future, for the relevance of the past and the relevance of the future are already with us in the present.

Projecting the ego back and fourth between the past and the future disrupts the natural flow of the continuum in the present, and gets increasingly unsettling ~ obviously. Try perhaps recognising when we need to do stuff, there are times we can just do them without projecting and burning up resources, and there are times we can plan to do things in order to conserve resources.

. said:

I assume from this that you are referring to the Parent/Child model,

In part yes, and in part no. For the C.P.A.E. (Child, Parent, Adult and Elder) model uses a different system of maturational development in terms of the whole person (or groups of people with Type ones as Followers, twos as Supporters, threes as Leaders and fours as Facilitators) over time, as compared with the P.A.C. (Parent, Adult and Child) model as deals with the developmentally inhibited aspects or parts of a person, normally referred to as adaptations or complexes ~ involving guilt and inferiority issues etc.

The CPAE model involves the personality or conscious self ~ as facilitates love and wisdom, and the PAC model deals with the Personae (or Ego-states) of the unconscious and subconscious selves ~ as facilitate lust and ignorance.

By observantly engaging and developing then more the Adult of the Transactional Analysis PAC model, the more engaged we become with the Adult of the CPAE model, as has been and still is being used (indirectly and directly) by every culture of humanity regarding developmental potential ~ in terms of becoming a loving and wise Elder.

Most people can only achieve the psychological proficiency of an Adult from their forty-forth year of age, at which time the mid-life crisis occurs and can be put to good use.

. said:

I will continue to observe and record and there may be many tears (child self) involved.

Be particularly watchful over Childhood tears, for some of which will have been cried and relived many times over before, and those you have not cried before need just as much attention. The most important consideration is to recycle the inhibited energy of your emotional feelings, and not to project any of those energies at or towards other people in the past, present or future. Observantly breath them in to the centre of your chest and down into the centre of your pelvis, with deep, gentle and even pelvic breathing down to the centre of the earth.

Another energetic recycling method for general all round purposes, involving the pelvic breathing, is when walking to feel that you are with each step making the world go round, like on a tread mill.

. said:

Maybe I should lash my many masks (tragic or comedic side up?) and make a raft...and make sure that the adult, child and parent all have life jackets.

Well you already did, given that as such you have come ashore upon the grains of sand that are part of an infinite beach which serves as the shores of an infinite desert, and all that ~ as not excluding then a particular metaphorical oasis with a certain proverbial well of truth, and of course the X marks the spot treasure in the chest, sort of thing.

. said:

and observe...and wait...and be mindful...

I suggest not waiting as that disturbs and disrupts the continuum, whereas most certainly and definitely be observant and mindful ~ as that refines and defines the flows of the continuum instead, which is infinitely much more of a bonus in the here and now :-)

Now, the idea of the “narrative self” and trying to correlate our relationship and understanding of the states of child, parent and adult..

as the screen grab denotes, good memory helps (i’m thinking of your brain wiring here...and your occasional blue screens and reboots) as well as the ND capacity to make sense of NT to ND and vice versa interactions ...

ive been off work and my clambering brain is trying to make the most of the rest it has had....

? Sorry

I'm reminded of Dorothy from Wizard of Oz.

"Dorothy asks Glinda, the Good Witch, "Oh, will you help me? Can you help me?"

"You don't need to be helped any longer," A smiling Glinda answers. "You've always had the power to go back to Kansas."

"I have?"

"Then why didn't you tell her before?" Scarecrow demands.

"Because she wouldn't have believed me. She had to learn it for herself."

The Tin Man leans forward and asks, "What have you learned, Dorothy?"

"Well, I . . . I think that is . . . that it wasn't enough just to want to see Uncle Henry and Auntie Em . . . and that if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own backyard; because if it isn't here, I never really lost it to begin with."

This is what Dorothy learned:

1. We have the power. We have Ruby Red slippers to transport us to Kansas, to bring about the Edenic state, or to create our heart's desire.
2. Witches and cyclones, while bad, can be a means for spiritual growth.
3. We must learn for ourselves. Truth is not given so much as it is realized. Look within. You do not have to go off in search of a mystic or seek truth from a variety of exotic religions. Truth is found in your own back yard.
4. Reality is very simple. We create our own reality. We tend to make it more complicated than it need be. The simple universal fact is that, if we believe it to be so, it is.
5. There's no place like home. The kingdom of heaven is not a place; but a condition."

But, I jump the gun.. I need to find a tornado first (ooooh.... tick!)... and spend my time with my inner scarecrow (brain), a lion (heart) and a tin man (heart)...dodge the witch (so many Freudian possibilities!) and find my own yellow road!

btw - thank you for putting up with my wittering....

You've got "spam"

Deepthought said:

The first objective is to watch yourself using the masks or Personae until you recognise the behavioural sequences involved with them from start to finish, several times over, without attempting to hinder or stop these habitual behaviours ~ just watch and learn from them.

Yes, undoubtedly this needs more work as at present there is a mix of awareness and of "feeling lost" - overwhelmed with the body of work needed to be done and that lack of "self time" to consider as deeply as i would like and importantly what this little elephant can do about it.

For an elephant to be its own instrument of change will take strength and "balls*" - (* at present no other word suffices)... do let me know if psychology has its own term .. maybe the yiddish term - "chutzpah"

Deepthought said:

Observation disempowers the possessively habituating behaviourisms of the Personae or Ego-states, as allows more resonant behaviours to emerge, over the course of time, developmentally.

correct, my ego is in a state! and like the multi-faceted masks each habitual behaviourism originates someone whether learnt or a clutched strategy..

Deepthought said:

Observation engages the Adult and therefore mature and present sensibilities, rather than the immature Child reliving the past that no longer is, and premature Parent reliving the future that cannot be as both are based on past experience of being individually otherwise and elsewhere than was actually the case. 

I assume from this that you are referring to the Parent/Child model, in that:

"Parent

The Parent ego state is comprised of the behaviours, thoughts and feelings copied from our parents, or other parental figures. Our Parent is made up of hidden and overt messages such as ‘you / I should’, 'under no circumstances', 'always' and 'never forget', 'don't lie, cheat, steal'. Our parent is formed by external events and influences upon us as we grow through early childhood. As functioning adults we have the ability to change the messages, but it does require awareness and effort.

Adult.

'Adult' describes our ability to think and determine action for ourselves based upon the 'here and now'. It draws on our understanding and analysis of our external and internal environment. In addition, the Adult in us is the means by which we keep our Parent and Child in check.

Child

This is the ego state in which individuals behave, feel and think similarly to how they did as a child. For example, a person who receives a poor evaluation at work may respond by looking at the floor, or crying, or getting angry. The Child is the expression of feelings, thoughts and emotional that are being replayed from childhood."

https://www.hopestreetcentre.org.uk/therapy-sandbach-cheshire/understanding-parent-adult-child-model

I will continue to observe and record and there may be many tears (child self) involved. Maybe I should lash my many masks (tragic or comedic side up?) and make a raft...and make sure that the adult, child and parent all have life jackets.

and observe...and wait...and be mindful....

) ( said:

Thank you Deepthought.

Glad to have been of some service :-)

Thank you Deepthought.

. said:

Do you even remember or know who your true self is or has ever been?

Up until three I was wholly me, then after getting really sick, being given medication in hospital, and nearly dying as a result, I became partly me but not knowing what I used to when I used to be the other me, who continued thereafter to ask me questions and explain things, as depending upon what was going on.

I got seriously demoralised by getting bullied at secondary school, so told my other me to go away ~ which it did until I got on the go doing away with the social masking, and became eventually wholly me again.

From the age of twelve to forty odd I masked, but the behavioural patterns kept crashing in the sense of mental-emotional breakdowns, on two year cycles to a minor extent, and four year cycles to major extents. 

. said:

And there, lies the rub, did you mask due to self preservation or just due to a fear of rejection and being outcast from society?

Definitely self preservation. I much preferred to be the odd one out rather than one of the odder ones in respect of neurologically typical people. Whereas in respect of neurologically divergent people, being nomadic and discussing the theatrical delusions of NT people, when we met at various times, along the way, was self preservation for us all, even if only for some of us short lived. 

. said:

So question: Is it possible to drop the mask?

Yes, as long as you remember that 'the' mask is a collage of masks, as being each half tragedy (or sorrow) and the other half comedy (or joy), in the plural sense of being Personae. 

The first objective is to watch yourself using the masks or Personae until you recognise the behavioural sequences involved with them from start to finish, several times over, without attempting to hinder or stop these habitual behaviours ~ just watch and learn from them.

Observation disempowers the possessively habituating behaviourisms of the Personae or Ego-states, as allows more resonant behaviours to emerge, over the course of time, developmentally.

Observation engages the Adult and therefore mature and present sensibilities, rather than the immature Child reliving the past that no longer is, and premature Parent reliving the future that cannot be as both are based on past experience of being individually otherwise and elsewhere than was actually the case. 

. said:

But think of the risks? Feeling more exposed, vulnerable, being feeling duped - "so you just "played a role" all of these years. What if they don't like the true you? The saying goes "you can bend a twig but not a branch...after so many years is it feasible to re-set self and start again?

The self of which you refer to in terms re-setting and starting again is the self of many selves that needs the watching, and the disempowering ~ i.e. they that were exposed, that are now vulnerable, and feeling duped.

The real or present self has always been with you and will be more so as you watch, in the present time and the present space ~ just keep observing every inclination to dwell in the past or in the future and recognise the characteristic sequences as they play out step by step, person by person, object by object, scenario by scenario, day by day.

Learn to be where you are and what you are more and more each day, little by little, bit by bit.

Change out of the old behavioural clothing one item at a time, gradually and slowly, and you will not have to shock yourself or anyone else in the process too much either. 

. said:

And there, lies the rub, did you mask due to self preservation or just due to a fear of rejection and being outcast from society?

Self preservation first always, and once as such habituated with societal dominance, fear of rejection increases, as people become addicted to 'living' due to 'existing' or 'surviving' instead.

. said:

So question: Is it possible to drop the mask? Is that too extreme, or is it just better to find small pockets in life to "be" (you know, when everyone has gone to bed and no one is watching)? Why did we learn to mask in the first place?

Doing away with the mask of the deceiver is a long known process.

Recall for instance what I stated above about changing out of the old behavioural clothing slowly, consider also psychological and physiological fields of experience, and the following statement dated about 140 to 180 AD from the Gnostic Nag Hammadi Gospel of Thomas:

21 (1) Mary said to Jesus, "What are your disciples like?"

(2) He said, "They are like children living in a field that is not theirs. (3) When the owners of the field come, they will say, 'Give our field back to us.' (4) They take off their clothes in front of them in order to give it back to them, and they return their field back to them.

(5) "For this reason I say, if the owner of a house knows that a thief is coming, he will be on guard before the thief arrives and not let the thief break into the house of his estate and steal his possessions. (6) As for you, then, be on guard against the world. Arm yourselves with great strength, or the robbers might find a way to get to you, (8) for the trouble you expect will come. (9) Let their be among you a person who understands.

(10) "When the crop ripened, the person came quickly with sickle in hand and harvested it. (11) Whoever has ears to hear should here"

Let that one be the watchful one ready in the present time and the present place, otherwise the house of the flesh and the treasure of the chest will be ransacked whilst you are distracted by your habitual past and others habitual futures. 

If that makes any sense? 

I think denial played a part in why I would wear a mask. Denial that I was different from those around me and to prove that I could be "normal" if i tried hard enough. Ultimately, it never worked or if it did I would only be able to maintain the mask for a short while before the cracks started to show.

It has only been this last year I have started to accept who I am and realised I never will fit in or be the same as everyone else, and that it isn't necessarily a bad thing.

I do still put on a mask when I am out and about or at work but I put much less effort into it and don't try to convince myself it is anything more than a tool to get through the situations I don't enjoy.

PS  Maybe it's a good deal why I'm drawn to writing.  I can express myself - 'perform', if you like - but retain my anonymity at the same time.  I also enjoy doing memes and other digital artwork (usually subversive!)  But I'd never want my face splashed across a book jacket.  I have writer friends whose profile pics on social media are invariably of themselves in 'self-important author' mode, or of themselves giving readings in front of an audience.  Ugh!  The very thought!  If they want to see anything of me on a book jacket, it would more likely be the back of my head! Or my derriere! I admire figures like Banksy - a guerilla artist, universally famous... and who knows what he looks like?

No... it's more like it's because it doesn't present the real me.  I don't think photographs ever can.  I've never liked having my photo taken, anyway, and really don't get 'selfie' culture.  I suppose I have an odd take on it all.  I'm happy to get up in front of lots of people and perform - do poetry readings, etc (I once did a short stint of stand-up, but I can't handle hecklers!) - and I don't mind being the centre of attention in that way.  But off-stage, I go and hide.  It's like I want to retain something.  I've always kind of stuck out, anyway, being very tall.  But I'm very self-conscious, and don't have a good 'image' of myself.  I feel awkward and gawky.  I think I'd be horrified to see myself on a video, for instance.  I always thought I should act, because I'm happy to dress up and step into someone else's shoes.  Be someone I can't be.  But I'd never want to see myself perform.  I couldn't handle that.  And as soon as the performance is over, I would want my anonymity back.  I'm not sure how I'd handle something like fame, and being spotted everywhere I go.  At the same time, I can see the draw of it.  I'm not really sure what I'm saying - it all sounds a little contradictory!

My job, working with special needs (autistic) adults brings out the 'performer' in me - which is, in fact, the real me.  At work, as soon as they arrive, I get into their world and can actually be completely myself, and totally comfortable, for the rest of the day.  Before my diagnosis, I used to switch back to then putting on my mask - I suppose, my 'real' performance - for everyone else.  I no longer do that.  I think this is where the diagnosis has given me the confidence to stay being myself. So people see the me that's really in there for most of the time.  I can think of no other day job where this is possible.  Whenever I've worked in other roles, such as offices, I've had to keep buttoned-up. 

I'm fascinated by individuals such as Spike Milligan and Peter Sellers.  Sellers apparently was chronically insecure, and only ever felt comfortable 'in role'.  Milligan just seemed to be himself in any situation.  I'm very much like him inside: surreal sense of humour and of the absurd - and knowing no bounds to it.  Mischievous and childish.  A fondness for jokes and messing around.  It's the me that's always been bursting at the seams to come through.  But you can't really do that in the 'sane' world - whatever that is.  I can't help but find myself trying to inject something funny or daft into any situation.  I supposed it's why I often used to get dismissed at school as a clown - and later, as someone who couldn't take life seriously.  And perhaps I don't really take life that seriously.  I mean... how does anyone take it seriously all the time and not go nuts?

I don't know whether any of this makes sense.  I'm not properly awake yet... 

That is what I feel like a bit.  I've not removed my profile pics though.  I wonder what the meaning is to your doing that? Do you know? Is it like, I am not what you see at first glance?  Very interesting.

I no longer mask at all.  I'm my true self now out there.  People take me as they find me - and if they don't like it, that's fair enough.  Most seem very curious.  A few who should be more accepting - family, for instance - have turned further away.  At least I know now who the 'right' people are.  Some people might think it's a brave move - like coming out of the closet - but I no longer am prepared to live a lie.  That's not meant as a judgmental comment on people who still choose to stay in camouflage.  It was what I personally felt that I was doing: through not being my true self to others, I was lying to myself. My diagnosis, I found, gave me the validation I needed to drop the mask... or, rather, gradually peel it away!  It was like my face was pixelated, and over a course of time it gradually resolved and sharpened to reveal the features properly.  Interestingly - perhaps coincidentally, but I don't think so - it was around that time that I took all photographs of myself (not many) off my social media profiles, and I no longer show any personal photos at all.

Absolutely. I have no issues with people knowing I'm autistic and many in my life do. I wear tinted glasses, use a fidget spinner when I'm struggling and talk openly about my autism when it's relevant. But yes, still hide those meltdowns unless I'm alone or with my husband or daughter. 

Yes, Endy, I think it just all becomes too much like hard work.  It's like a bowl of corks bobbing in a bowl of water and trying to hold them all down with your hands!  They keep popping up!  No, best to limit it to masking on a "need to mask" basis.  Also I've given myself permission to be a bit odd and raise an eyebrow or two.  Once you get going and nothing bad happens, you are like "ok then, the moon didn't drop out of the sky" - Let me try this now . . . I'm finding bits of it quite fun! 

Gaining confidence in my oddness 

Yes Blade there are still limits!! But I'm not hiding anything quite like I was before and that does reduce an awful lot of stress . . . 

I love the honesty from others on here and my feeling safe to be so honest.  Saying things here first has actually given me some confidence to say them elsewhere.  Like somehow now you guys have "rubber stamped" what I've said as being perfectly normal  for an autistic person, now I can go off with some confidence that I'm not just totally nuts and say it to other people!  How wonderful it's been!  

I do like the visual of the swan ElephantIn The Room.  That's just it isn't it?

I think it is survival... it sounds such an extreme term... and yes, always at the edge, the periphery, looking in, but never part of...