Therapy for Autistic Behaviour?

Apparently I'm to have a 'course' of six - eight group sessions to "help me come to terms with" my diagnosis and to "teach" me about autism. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this and don't really know what to expect from it but I'm willing to give it a shot. Mainly because I've complained long and loud about the lack of services re. autism in my area and feel that when they finally get around to providing this service, the least I can do is give it a chance. 

I'm dubious that this proposed course will be able to provide me with anywhere near as much (or as useful) information as I've found on this forum. The professionals who will be giving this course are currently in training for it (as I sort of have been too with all of the research I've done since diagnosis) and I suspect they'll probably know just about the same as me when the time comes but I'm willing to give it a try, give it the benefit of the doubt. The worst that can happen is that I won't find it useful, although I am a little concerned at the idea of group sessions. (Okay, more than "a little" concerned!)    

lol

Yuck! "groups"!  Worse! "groups of NEW people" . . . 

You shall have to get on and bare it now you've complained LOL ;)  That will teach you . . . he he ;)

No, all jokes aside, I went on one about ADHD and it was deplorable. The title of if was ADHD and ADD something or other.  I pointed out that ADHD has not been called ADD since 1987.  I don't like disorder, classifying or grouping things incorrectly.  It's very difficult for me and that set me off straight away! Ha!

It also made wonder what they actually knew if the title of the group was so terribly flawed and hadn't been called ADD for 20 years.  Experts talking in a group would surely know this?  They lost me with the title.  I was long gone! lol

But if you go with the attitude of perhaps co-educating rather than expecting a revelation on Autism imparted by a neurotypical person then it might be useful if not for you then for them!  Though that kind of defeats the object I accept.

I agree this forum is by far the most useful place for me to get the 'real deal'.

I love this forum.  I'm so scared I'm going to go for my Autism assessment and be told that I'm not autistic now.  I shall be devastated if that happens now.  The waiting is unbearable.

xx

Hopefully you wont have to wait too long to find out, it seems to vary a lot across the country. If the result isn't ASD, but you feel you definitely identify with ASD and with people here, there's no reason why you shouldn't still use this forum. There are a lot of self-diagnosed people here too!  

Too Late! They're both enormous and stick out like Dumbo's. 

Oh my life, I've just googled it - it is a massive thing with Autistic people :O 

:O Please don't tell me picking spots and scabs is part of this?  I do that so much!  I love picking.  Peeling sunburn as well.  I get a real thrill out of it - Oh Yikes, is that part of this as well lol 

I'll start a thread then! "stim-lite" is what I call it. "Extra proof stim with a cappuchino froth" is far more satisfying though! I have a cauliflour ear from a scar I had on my ear that turned into a "stim-lite" spot! Stay away from the ears, lol! If you can!

I'm actually already trying to imagine it in my head, me in the room with the assessor!  Without a role?  Who will I be?  I will be VERY self conscious is what I will be . . .

There is no "role" to whip out in this circumstance?  It will be very very weird!

This is what it feels like Endymion, a bit surreal?  We've so busily buried our 'odd little friend inside' that bringing her into the room to be talked about - is a bit of a shock for her!

I've so desperately tried to be 'normal' and that has been for sooooooooo long.  Talking about it face to face with someone is very odd.

I've not really done it yet.  Only with my husband.  Easy to do it on here anonymously and amongst 'like minded people' but I'd imagine it leaves you feeling a bit exposed and like all the roles you've created for yourself are suddenly "shattered" - so then you are just left with who you are?  Except you are not quite sure who that is in the public domain because she's never really been allowed out.

It is a bit like a "shattering" a kind of re-birth.

I hope I'm not explaining it very badly.  My roles hold a lot of safety.  They are familiar.  Not using them I imagine will feel quite surreal and weird.

I haven't been that odd little person in public since I was a child and I soon learned that she was not very welcome and I so worked hard from about age 10 to cover her up and bury her from the outside world.  Now I've got to undo that?

No wonder you were so tired!

I think you could easily break a record for number of replies if you were to post a new thread about "stim-lite"!! I didn't think I had any either until I read more about it   : )   

I think I do all of mine on my own, at least I can't think of any that I do in public. When I've been caught fiddling with my ear or pressing my skin or whatever (by family members mostly, at home) I just feel embarrassed. Not sure why exactly except, I suppose, I was always told as a child that these things were weird / stupid / moronic etc. I don't particularly think they are but when you're told something often enough as a child it sticks with you somewhere in the back of your mind.    

As @Cloudy Mountains referred to earlier, a decent assessor should be able to spot our well hidden, well practiced, cover-ups and will / should ask you about them. As you said though, it definitely pays to be as open as you're able to be about everything anyway. 

It's VERY exhausting being assessed though! I came out at the end feeling ... stripped. Sort of exposed to my very core, feeling simultaneously "Oh my god, I did NOT just tell them all that!?!?" and "Some of that CAN'T be true, I AM 'normal!!! Just act 'normal' GODDAMMIT!!"  I don't know, it was weird. I was 100% honest with them but that in itself was the problem because it was all such private stuff.

I felt quite shaken after it because, like you, most of that stuff I'd never spoken about with anyone before. The hardest part was walking out of the building, into the street, and through town feeling ... opaque (?) I think that's what I mean    : /    I don't regret it (now) but it was a difficult day.  I think I went to bed as soon as I got home (before 7pm) and slept in the next morning. Even my lovely brain was in shock   : )    Being open and honest with NT's like that is like an evening with Dracula.  

Yeah I do the "middle of the nose trick" but with the shoulder area. My dad barely looked up from the Racing Post enough to notice if I was looking at him. My mom and I have our suspicions about my dad having ASD. He has a memory for stats that is savant-like. He will only wear one type of shirt and freaks when his routine is broken. He acts more on the spectrum than me!

It sounds as if you are stimming to me! "Stimming" is a repetitve behaviour like rubbing, rocking, tapping, e.t.c. Spinning and pivoting like your son does is another stim, and yes I've seen it done like Baryishnikov! There's a girl in my group who jumps up and down. Some are subtle others are less so.

When I'm alone I squeeze my scalp as hard as I can. It feels good. When I'm in public I rub the top of my head as much as I can. I would like to crush it but I have to go for "stim-lite"!

I look at people when they are talking to me.  Mainly because my dad 'chastised' me for not doing so as a child.  He said "not looking in someone's eye made me look dishonest" - only dishonest people don't look you in the eye!  Terrified of appearing dishonest, which goes against every grain of my very being, I discovered that if you look at the middle of their nose, they cannot tell where you are looking and so I have done this.

However, when I am talking I look away and that I cannot stop or use a 'trick' for.  I simply can't do it.  My memory is visual and so actually I'm usually not looking at anything at all.  I am looking inside my own memory.

I don't really understand 'stimming' and if I do it?  Perhaps it may be more subtle in me?  My 8 year old clearly 'stims'.  He flaps his hands and spins round and round.  He has non verbal ASD (with very high support needs), he's severe sight impaired and has Cerebral Palsy and so has motor co-ordination problems.  However when stimming he spins with the precision of a ballerina and would give the late Michael Jackson a run for his money with his never ending 'pivoting'.  He rarely loses his footing.

Can anyone explain 'stimming' and if it can be more subtle than my son's?  I scratch my head a lot.  Not because it's itchy but because it seems to make me feel better but I don't know if this can be called 'stimming'.  I also touch myself a lot.  So I rub or stroke areas "say my legs" when anxious or in deep thought.  But I don't fully understand it and if any of that qualifies?

I'd be interested for peoples feed back?

Thanks in advance.

I don't look people in the eye. I do not look at people when talking to them. I look somewhere else.

I love stimming.

I also go into full stim mode when I'm alone.

I restrict and control myself when I am not alone. But still often slightly stim to relieve anxiety and stimming also gives me pleasure. I so enjoy it.

The lady that diagnosed me noticed one of my masks. I don't look people in the eye, I look at their shoulder. She noticed that and asked me about it, that lead into her asking me about strategies for masking I'd developed. She was very perceptive. I hope mummytosix gets someone who is so perceptive. She also noticed my sly stimming, then asked me if I stim differently on my own. I go into full stim mode when I'm alone.

I got into a conversation with my ex partner today about fabric designs. She makes her own clothes. I'd remembered 10 years worth of fabrics she bought. I ended up babbling on about different chiffons, velveteens, prints e.t.c. She said "God you remembered it all, I can't get a word in edgeways". I then said "Funny that really, because I couldn't give two shits about fabric". We both stopped and started laughing. I like my long brain farts sometimes.

I cannot agree more.  This is what I'm going to do.  It's a little bit hard though because until now, until meeting you all.  I'd hidden all these things inside.  I didn't speak of these things to anyone in case they thought I was a bit crazy.  I knew I wasn't crazy but if you didn't ever hear anyone speak of or describe doing this before then you would probably keep it quiet!  So It's strange for me to open up what I have been doing for so long!  Yet I agree, it is essential for someone assessing me to understand.  This is the one time that you MUST NOT play a role.  It will be strange because I am so used to doing it . . . What it feels like to be around people but always feel 'outside'.  I think this is why I always want to leave quickly, to get back to being on my own because that feeling is not pleasant really.  It can be very lonely.  At least it was when I was young.  Now I have my family who I am myself with and who I feel mostly part of x

Ha! That is mischievous, except I will probably do that anyway lol

I start a conversation and before I know it, I am telling a story, within a story, within a story and by the end I cannot remember what the point of the original story is :O 

Strangely though.  Once someone has 'lost' me and I am no longer enthusiastic about them.  Then I won't talk at all and I will sit there and say nothing.  Absolutely nothing. I am like this at my mother in laws house.  I don't speak.  I've learnt not to really speak because I am soon cut down so I don't really say a thing.

All or nothing, All or nothing.  This is me. x 

We are a strange lot.  I love it!  I love that we are all a little bit strange.  I love strange and I love different.  I am fascinated by everyone and their own little bit of different.  There are millions of us!  It is fantastic!  Like snowflakes.  All of us the same 'type' but each uniquely different.

Xanadu said:

it is non stop talking,

...I was uncertain of posting in this Thread again, yet I am going to Post something a trifle mischievous which may suit you...

If your Autistic Strength is non-stop talking... then do that at your assessment! Talk about what they ask, then talk about digressions from that, then look at their clothes or at the sky or at the furniture, or whatever you fancy, and then talk about that! Ramble on and on and on and on, completely disregarding whatever or whenever, until they actually express a little bit feeling miffed and/or definitely ask you to stop!

An assessment for myself, at least, involved not saying anything much at all... Yet for yourself it may seem to be the opposite? Whatever validates your own Autism for yourself - tell them ALL of that, and do not hold anything back.

That is all from myself for now, and Fair Play to You... (!)

At my assessment I talked about how I'd taught myself over the years to 'be normal'. How I learned all about body language, for instance, and used it to try to understand others and to project the 'mask' I needed for any / every occasion. I talked about my past daily practice with vocal tones and inflection, learning certain conversation 'scripts', and eye contact too, and how i'd set myself goals with these things until now, in my 40's, I hardly ever have to remind myself about these things (unless I'm tired or in a completely unfamiliar situation - or just can't be assed with the pretence anymore). 

Any assessor worth the name should know about female presentation of ASD and also that everyone diagnosed later in life has had to pick up a few tricks over the years to 'pass'. If you just explain your tricks to them, they should see them for what they are. Mine seemed quite interested in how and why I'd learned and practiced these things and said that 'normally' people aren't aware of actually learning them!   

Thank you x I shall appeal LOL I will def go for a second opinion if that does happen.  I just worry because I talk sooo much that it 'looks' social.  It isn't social, it is non stop talking, talking over people, talking until people look at their watches or are itching to get away.  The phone is a nightmare for me.  I have no 'timing' with conversations.  I butt in, speak at the wrong time.  I've also got a special knack of making a whole group of people go silent . . . awkward!  I have also mastered 'looking neurotypical' . . . I don't know we will see.  I want this diagnosis very much, for myself.  I know that might sound strange.  Why would you 'want' a diagnosis.  I guess because if it's not Autism, then what is it? :O It isn't neurotypical that is for sure!  x

Thank you x I shall appeal LOL I will def go for a second opinion if that does happen.  I just worry because I talk sooo much that it 'looks' social.  It isn't social, it is non stop talking, talking over people, talking until people look at their watches or are itching to get away.  The phone is a nightmare for me.  I have no 'timing' with conversations.  I butt in, speak at the wrong time.  I've also got a special knack of making a whole group of people go silent . . . awkward!  I have also mastered 'looking neurotypical' . . . I don't know we will see.  I want this diagnosis very much, for myself.  I know that might sound strange.  Why would you 'want' a diagnosis.  I guess because if it's not Autism, then what is it? :O It isn't neurotypical that is for sure!  x

I had EEG scans as a kid for petit mal, I was found not to have petit mal. I'd just sit there "zoned out" a lot in class and my educatonal psychologist suggested it. At the time I was only about 13 and it was normal to me so I didn't worry. When it was pointed out to me I became concious of it. Around the age of 11 to 14 I realised things weren't quite "right". I was good at hiding it though.

It generally isn't epilepsy in ASD people. It can be a thing Donna Williams called "total sensory shutdown" some SPD experts call it a form of agnosia, in my experience I'd disagree with calling it agnosia. Now on the subject of agnosia........

I have gone blind temporarily for a few minutes (visual agnosia). Under flourescent lights, in rooms with a lot of a single solid colour (usually green or red). My other senses work but everything I hear is louder, which in turn makes "colours in my mind" brighter from the synesthesia! The total sensory shutdown thing is a total loss of awareness, agnosia still lets you think! Basically my senses are fucked!

Don't worry that you will have seizures. You really do need to read that book by Bogdashina, it explains so many things you are familiar with and it helps you rationalise a lot of things! The things I was scared of sensually were so much less scary after reading some of the experiences shared in the book! I wasn't alone in what was happening. I've said it before here that I think the sensory side of ASD is really pushed aside by the social aspects of ASD, sometimes the sensory aspect is what causes the social aspects. Especially isolation. I will do anything to avoid light somedays so I will behave far more different on bright days.

There are so many things you will learn that will make ASD less scary!

I've spent the last few nights looking these things up: since you both mentioned similar things I started thinking that maybe they weren't so unheard of after all. I'm sort of wishing now that I hadn't bothered.

Apparently 'Absence seizures' (previously called Petit Mal Seizures - which I had heard of but thought only applied to people with Epilepsy) are a well known phenomenon and have pretty much all of the hallmarks we've been talking about. It doesn't make good reading, I'm beginning to feel that ignorance WAS bliss. Surely a person can't have a form of epilepsy and not know about it? 

Myoclonic seizures were also mentioned and sounded horribly familiar despite being something I thought wasn't particularly unusual and has certainly never bothered me before. (random muscle twitching)

Anyway, I'm still getting used to having ASD and don't need to be thinking about any other possibilities right now. Everything I've discovered about ASD so far has been a welcome discovery, for one reason or another, but nothing mentioning seizures sounds like a positive. I don't think I'm okay with this.  

Yeah but if you are ASD and on acid it has to be different to an NT on acid. In my experience it was a double whammy of everything I put up with daily. I hated it. Mescaline was a psychadelic I took that made me feel more in tune with things. I only took it twice but it did make me feel more focused. After a while I decided psychadelics weren't my thing. It just felt worse.

I've taken lots of different drugs and the drugs that made you feel "up" were the worst though. I'd get nervous and I don't sleep much anyway. I liked anything that slowed me down. Heroin made me itch though so I didn't like it. Lucky thing really.

My thing was alcohol and benzodiazepines. I smoked a lot of weed before it changed to the stuff that's popular now. That stuff is trippy and made me feel terrible, not relaxed at all. I spent pretty much 15 years as an addict. They dulled my senses and I could work well under the influence. I don't get staggering drunk either. I just looked normal that was the problem. I had a massive habit. I'm lucky I'm not dead or have done lasting damage to my body.

I basically tried anything I could to escape my own reality. I'd even go as far as to say I was trying to break my own brain and even further to say I hoped that I wouldn't wake up after some binges. When I got sober I started to get to the place I'm at now. All those years helped me avoid facing up to what was really the cause of my problems. 2 years after getting sober I got diagnosed ASD.

In short I wouldn't advise doing any of it. I was just poking around trying to alleviate everything but it made things worse in the long run. I was running from the truth.

Sorry I didn't reply earlier I had to go out last night. I'll get the brain-fuzz type of thing but that's more of a thing when something is really taking up my concentration. The one thing I'm concentrating on becomes dominant in my conciousness and the rest of the world becomes more like a dream. I sort of disconnect from the rest of reality.

I'd generally say that I haven't experienced more than a minutes lost time. It's definitely anxiety related. Most certainly. If I have a thought that makes me anxious or sensation I'll start to overload then my brain just "turns off". When you come out of it, you can find yourself on stairs, holding a hot drink, and in other dangerous situations. THAT is scary. I had it happen in the bath once and that was probably the worse time it made me panic.

The anxiety-overload-switch off cycle can be a thing that goes on for hours. It never takes over because I'm on a sort of auto-pilot. I've carried on in a conversation and other people have been there when I've been doing things. I've never done or said anything out of place. I've even asked someone what I'd just said and it was verbatim what I'd intended to say. The fear of doing something is a big thing though. A few years ago it was taking me to some dark places. I'm starting to accept it though.

No, I'm rubbish on alcohol. I just fall asleep!  I tried cannabis as a teen but never really got anything from it, I never understood what all the fuss was about, and was never interested in trying anything else despite being around a LOT of it at one point 'many moons ago'. 

It's unbelievable to me to hear others describe these weird states! I find them really frightening as it feels like a complete loss of control, once they escalate. I have no control over what's happening and can't really remember much after it. My sight perception is affected differently in that the room zooms in and out at different speeds and it's difficult to walk without clutching onto things. Sounds sort of fade in and out too. 

I suppose at least that I get some warning of mine, I can sort of feel them coming at least a day in advance. I think it would be more frightening if they happened out of the blue as you are both describing! How do you stop yours, or come out of that state? I end up, eventually, falling asleep and they're over when I wake up with just the after effects left.     

Oh my goodness.  I have this!! I have these fleeting kind of surreal states.  They used to frighten me but now I just let them come and pass and carry on with what I'm doing.  They affect my vision and my light perception.  Sometimes everything feels like it goes very dark.  Or the light feels unbearable.  I've also had 'things' move in my peripheral vision.  Things are not really moving.  It's my eyes or my brain.  So for example, say there is stripy wallpaper well it kind of moves, but you know it's not really moving, it's your eyes or brain.

This happens much more in crowds, which causes me panic and anxiety.  I won't go into crowds by myself.  I have been diagnosed agoraphobic but I am not agoraphobic, I know it's sensory.  I am one of the least "afraid" people that you will ever meet.  However, it's true that I avoid going out alone.  I simply could not go the high street alone.  I could do the school run "tops".

I have had this all my life.  I do go out but not without someone.

I, I am sorry to say have taken ACID as a teenager, twice.  I can tell you now that this Autistic experience is nothing like acid.  Though acid is vile.  I can't understand why people enjoy drugs.  I have tried them, just to "fit in" but hated every minute!

Alcohol on the other hand made me feel more "connected and what I felt you should feel like if you were normal".  I stopped drinking 8 years ago, because I liked it "too much'.  I wasn't an alcoholic or anything but what I was doing was not 'sensible drinking' either :O 

Anyone else like alcohol a bit more than they probably should?

Mine is more like ... when the "brain fuzz" lasts too long I feel a low-level electric buzzing in my head and sort of fade in and out of a weird state where everything around me feels ... unreal and mushy? Sort of, marshmallow-like? It's horrible, terrifying, horrifically as if I'm dissolving or something. Ugh!!! It's really hard to explain without it sounding like a really bad trip but I swear I do not do drugs!! (If they feel anything like this, who'd want to?!?!) 

Just before the buzzing starts I can taste that coppery taste and sometimes, at that point, I can head it off by biting down on something hard and solid- like a button. If that doesn't work it's truly terrifying and time just disappears! I disappear, it feels like! I tried explaining this to someone only once before and they said it sounded like the experiences of some people before they have an epileptic episode but I don't have epilepsy and have never had a fit in my life. 

I find the "brain fuzz" states scary only because I'm terrified of them escalating like that but I get them fairly regularly and, as I said, they only escalate badly about once every year or two. I can usually sleep them off so I head to bed if the fuzziness lasts too long (more than a few days) and either wake up having slept a ridiculous amount of time (17-hours once) or the full-on escalation happens before I can get to sleep. I can remember some things after that but not everything, like shivering mostly and even getting up and doing things like drinking water, but at some point I must fall asleep because the next thing I know I'm waking up in the morning feeling sort of shivery-shocked but otherwise back to normal.   

Do yours ever last longer than a minute or so? Is that all the time you lose? Do you think it is just caused by overload? I've never heard of this kind of thing being associated with autism or anxiety, do you think it is? How can you carry on as normal through it, doesn't it ever sort of 'take over' or escalate? I've never heard of anyone else experiencing this before!!  

Yeah it happens to me too. It happens to me probably 6 days a week! It's like a dull thud but has a slightly electric jolt with it, coming both in and out of it. It can last a few seconds or about a minute. I'll carry on talking or doing something fine. The jolt back into thinking straight is scary though. It can make my anxiety levels higher and the overload worse. Overload and anxiety feed off each other in my experience. A vicious cycle!

That's what the "brain fuzz" thing does when it escalates!! Do you get that too? It sort of tips over the edge of the 'normal' fuzziness and things begin to feel seriously unreal? I get a sort of metallic, like  copper coins, taste in my mouth and after that ... I'm not precisely sure, but it's like nothing is solid around me and it's bloody terrifying!! It's probably 'only' happened about once every year or so but that's once every year or so too many for me! It used to happen VERY regularly as a child though. 

Lol, "Austin Powers"! Crowds **** me up but it's worse if I'm in somewhere where there are lots of people talking at once like a pub with no music. It's like a nightmare. Having 5 sets of ears and 1 brain. I can't filter it. If I'm in somewhere with very loud music the crowd is uncomfortable but the sound thing gets drowned out. There's just one thing to listen to.

One thing we haven't spoke about is lost time. If I'm overloading I'll find myself in different rooms and not know how I got there. It's terrifying! I never do anything bad but the thought of losing control completely is scary.

I was always in the bottom set for Maths at school, I just didn't get any of it. I do remember being intrigued by Algebra through, the idea of letters making their way into Maths was something that caught my attention but not enough to stick at it. I only managed to 'get' Maths LONG after leaving school and for some reason by then a lot of it just, sort of, clicked. Maybe needing Maths to pass the course I was doing at the time gave me the incentive that school just never did. 

That might explain why I can't take anything stronger than a paracetamol without a strong overreaction! Things do feel a little 'trippy' occasionally though, I was feeling a bit like that the other night actually! A brain fuzz. Still haven't worked those out but they happen once in a while. More so in crowded situations so I usually just put them down to tiredness or overload. Only once in a blue moon do they get bad enough for things to start feeling a little 'Austin Powers' - thankfully, because it's a bit weird and unsettling.     

You got expelled too! Good to hear that I'm not the only one!

Maths was boring for me because the answers will always be the same! English, History, Geography and things like that were far more stimulating to the imagination.

I wanted to be Indiana Jones growing up but I don't think I'll ever get there, lol. Only thing close to it is a scar on the chin!

It can be quite nice at times. Invasive at others! I think that the whole sensory thing is a pretty ignored aspect though. Lots of ASD people experience some strange things that don't fit into the classic synesthesia bracket but aren't "normal" forms of perception. There is strong evidence that our brains make larger levels of tryptamines, DMT has even been implicated due to more bufenotin being in found in urine samples taken in the morning. So basically we are living in a more psychadelic state of conciousness! Groovy!

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20150873

I was pretty surprised to find it out! Maybe with the popularity of DMT we may be hunted by NT's for our brains! I only looked into it because it crossed my mind one night and I was having a pretty strong colourful experience listening to some music. So we have designer drugs in our brains and don't pay a penny!

When I grew up I wanted to be a "Walton", you know like The Waltons.  Well I wanted to be in the Waltons World 

I suspect this is why I had 6 children!  Except mine are all neurodiverse.  So I've got a little neurodiverse version of the The Waltons going on 

Anyway I also don't know much about Synesthesia but I do find it wholly intriguing.  The closest I get to it is sensing people's emotions.  I get feelings from people and some are very uncomfortable and they don't need to say anything to me either.

The "Nailed it" thing is me.  Once I have nailed it I am then bored.  I put this down to my ADHD but maybe it's not.  I'm starting to think I don't even have ADHD to be honest the more I'm on here!

At secondary school I would perform for teachers (like a Seal) and they would put me in the top sets.  Once they'd done that and I'd showed them what I was capable of if I so wanted to, I was then totally bored.  I had no desire to keep learning what they wanted to 'download' into me.  So I would simply not bother and then get put back down, until ultimately I was invited to leave, since I was hardly ever there anyway!

This is going to sound soooooo arrogant, please forgive me  but I could never see the merit in someone telling me stuff and the marker of my intelligence was if I showed up every day, for them to tell me stuff and then to see if I could remember it at an exam?

That to me didn't seem to be an indicator of intelligence  It seemed to me to prove that you showed up and could remember stuff at a later date.  

I mean this is what my 13 year old mind was running with 

I don't know? I just kind of wanted to learn what I wanted to learn.  Not 'other' things.

I don't like maths which I think is odd for someone with Autism?  Is that odd I wonder?  I might do a post about that? 

The formulas and the concepts, not a problem.

I remember they tried to teach me algebra and I said to the teacher aged about 12-13 "you are wasting your time, I'm just not ever going to need to know this".  He was like "don't be ridiculous" and I said "seriously, I'm going to make sure that I do nothing that involves this for my entire life".

I'm 43, and I haven't yet.  At least I don't think I have?  

I read a few things about Synesthesia last night and it does sound both fascinating and more invasive than my own experiences - that's sort of why I'm not sure if what I have / do is really the same thing. I'd definitely like to read her book to find out more about it! My own smell / taste of colours and, sometimes (sort of) words too, is more like something I DO than an involuntary thing. Well, most of the time it is. It's hard to explain. 

I think, when it comes to therapists (or any career) on the ground experience beats theory every time. I have a lot of qualifications on the theoretical side of things but I don't see them as being much practical use at all if I can't put them into practice, and I cant! I'm good at talking the talk, passing exams in whatever the subject of my latest fascination is, but utterly cr*p at putting any of it into practice. I enjoy the process of learning about new things, or learning more about my favourite subjects, and I REALLY enjoy setting myself challenges such as exams to see how much of it I really know but ... after the certificate arrives I just think "Nailed it!" then forget the lot and move on to the next thing. Not much practical application in that! 

Like you, everything I've learned has been to help me understand the world, how to navigate it, where I fit in it, all that sort of thing. Each one has been a success from that point of view but I'm still, technically, unemployed. I've tried working 'in the field' but I really don't enjoy it. I still, at 45, have no idea what I want to be when I grow up  : )   Wouldn't mind trying BEING a grown-up mind you, just to see what it feels like!!!    

I have a few Schizophrenics in my family. I know what you mean about the things that they go through. ASD can also make people have problems with patterns. I have it if I haven't had sleep. Red and green patterns can have a sort of motion in them. I have net curtains in my house and all I could think of was 14 when I looked at them. Hadn't got a clue why! After about a year or so I counted the dots in the patterns on them. 14 dots in each little diamond! It's a thing called gestalt that makes stuff like this happen in ASD people mostly. A lot of ASD people will not be fooled by optical illusions. I never saw a magic eye picture ever. People tell me to stare at them and that they could see a bird. I never ever did. I mentioned it in a session with other ASD people and everyone who tried to see them agreed. It was pretty funny.

The lady I see was never formally trained, she's been in it for 20 odd years and gathered all her experience on the job. She said that she learns new stuff every day. The people I have spoke to who are trained are in my opinion more rigid thinkers and actually quite frustratingly rigid! They seem to have a sort of stereotype in my opinion. I haven't met lots of different people in the line of work but that's the impression I've got so far. All theory and less practical experience.

You might find the groups helpful or they might not be for you. All you can do is see for yourself! You don't have to speak. Some people don't. I just sit and listen half of the time.

You are adding to the resource being here yourself!

If you don't have time to read the book put the authors name into YouTube. She does a brilliant lecture. It will be the first video that shows up.

I actually made a reply to this post but looking back it doesn't seem to be posted. This site can be a little sketchy some times!

It may be the things people over analyse. I've sort of got a way of thinking where I try to rationalise any thoughts I have in contrast with what the other person knows about me or my condition. Something that might be massive to me might not be a problem to other people. I don't feel cold and a lot of heat messes with my proprioception. So I tend not to turn the heating on when it's cold or I'll avoid going to hot places. I would literally sit in a fridge and be comfortable. Someone asked me "Why is your house always cold?". I was a bit pissed off to be honest but I was over analysing. They had rheumatoid arthiritis in their hands and they were in a bit of pain. I hadn't thought about it. I hadn't explained my problems with temperature. I stopped milling over it in my head and told them about it. I turned the heating up to a level we were both comfortable with.

I think that my problem with my behaviour is my tendency to over analyse can also be related to systems I have learned. Psychology, religion, sociology, geopolitics e.t.c. I read a lot before my diagnosis mainly trying to make sense of other people. So I learned the patterns which most people don't consider. It made my over thinking worse. Much worse. I could get to the heart of some situations instantly but lacked the nuances of NT's. Read Adler and then try sitting around a bunch of young guys trying to be macho for example. I got into arguments, fights and a lot of ***.

I've also been on health and safety courses, food hygiene, read books about the life cycles of insects and stuff like that. I can become obsessive over things when I understand the system. I'm OCD about all of those things now. It seems like the more I learn sometimes the more crazy I go. I read books about marketing and advertising. I won't buy certain products just because of the cynical advertising campaigns they use. I point out some of the things to NT's and they actually like learning more. Sometimes I could bang my head off a wall though. You can learn something and understand it and apply it. Other things can cause more problems than they solve. I wish I could unlearn a lot of things.

I think NT's tend to internalise their analysis though and not realise it. Our long drawn out "over analysis" can sometimes lead to an amazing amount of stress but othertimes it can lead to some insight. Sometimes both. Their less analytical approach can lead to impulsive actions, sometimes good and sometimes bad. Neither are superior to the other if you think about it.

It would be amazing to speak to someone who was actually properly trained in autism! Or even meet other people with Asperger's although if these group sessions go ahead I'm still going to be stressed about walking into a group of people, Asperger's or not!! Once I (hopefully) got over that though, it would be excellent to actually meet people who are like the ones on here I can relate to. This, all of you, is the only resource I have re. ASD and I dread to think what I would have been feeling about everything if I hadn't stumbled upon you all. 

At this precise moment though all I'm feeling is tired, tired, tired so Goodnight! (I'll add the book recommendation to my list, Thank You!)   

I used to work with a guy who had schizophrenia and he didn't ever mention sensory issues like either of us are describing. He was more patterns orientated, which was actually quite fascinating to chat to him about sometimes. I could sort of relate to his way of seeing some patterns in things and he was great at describing how he perceived things. It was just the paranoia side of things, on the couple of occasions I witnessed it get out of his control, that I found scary. Scary for him, I mean. I hated to watch him feel like that. It just looked terrifying.