Do autistic women wear makeup?

This used to be a big issue for me. From mid-teens I wouldn't be seen without full (caked on) make-up and would go to extraordinary lengths to avoid people seeing me without it - ignoring the door, even if it was a parcel delivery I had been waiting on, poor timekeeping at work (it takes a long time to do the full works) which led to me losing jobs in my teens and early twenties, RIDICULOUS lengths to avoid being seen. It was a very stressful and emotional thing at the time but I find it difficult to remember exactly why now. I would have palpitations and panic attacks at the very possibility of being seen without make-up! Autism wasn't even on my radar back then.  

The make-up became less caked-on and more 'natural' looking through my late twenties and throughout my thirties but the stress over being seen without it didn't lessen until my late thirties.

Very gradually, I stopped wearing it at home. Then stopped on the days I was spending out locally with the kids. Then VERY gradually, by the time I hit 40, I was only wearing it for nights out or things like interviews or important appointments. I stopped wearing it completely by the time I was about 43. It wasn't exactly a decision, I just somehow stopped bothering with it without particularly noticing. It's been two years since then and I can't say I'd never wear it again (maybe for a wedding or publicity photo?) but I don't like the claustrophobic feeling it gave me wearing it the last few times and the hassle of removing it all just doesn't seem worth the effort anymore, 

Knowing about my autism now, I wonder if wearing make-up was a sort of protection, or mask, which I needed to be able to function socially but that's with hindsight. I'm just relieved not to feel i 'have to' wear it at all anymore. Now I just have to work out how to function without the rest of my 'masks'. (Is that actually possible? I really would like to know!)    

I know what you mean about functioning without a "mask". Between the age of 12 to about 24 I didn't wear a mask much. I was far less stressed in myself but it lead to a lot of other stress due to stuff that didn't fit with the expectations of society. I hit an age where I had to conform more. I was admittedly out of control, comfortable in my skin but out of control. I could do my job, have relationships e.t.c. but I was always considered "crazy" and "a wildcard". This always ended up in incidents or burnout. I don't want to get into it too much but what was normal for me wasn't normal for most of the people I had to interact with. I tried to "act normal" after a particularly bad run.

When I did start to act more "regular" my stress levels hit the ceiling. My habits became massive concerning drugs and alcohol. I could function with massive amounts of drugs and alcohol. I'd seem sober as a judge, go to work, hit all my targets, go on a date, but it was killing me. I was telling lies to everyone around me to avoid certain situations. I became the "mask" people expected. Things would boil over eventually from time to time. The rage and confusion would boil over. I had violent incidents (never with my girlfriend or family though), breakdowns, then I'd be the model worker, friend, son and boyfriend. The pattern continued until I hit 35. I totally lost my mind.

After 3 years I got my diagnosis. Things started to make sense. All this stuff that I'd feared became no longer a mystery. I've lived with "masks" and without them. Both were equally uncomfortable at times. I think it's getting a balance between the two and admitting the things you can face as and when. I've heard that a lot of ASD stress and mental illness is caused by hypersensibilities, like finding strategies to cope, adjusting our behaviours, being more anxious of others reactions and things of that ilk.

In short I've lived a little but I'm damned if I know when and where to function without my "masks", but at least we know where to start with our diagnosis! The mystery of not knowing why we feel the way we do is gone!

Thank you for your reply! After hitting reply on my last post I didn't feel too good about it - I don't know why because I've talked about more conventionally 'personal' things on here I think, including masking in general, but talking about 'my' masking feels ... a little close to the bone for some reason.

I think I'm used to being accused of oversharing by other people's standards about things they consider to be personal but, clearly, I don't particularly. This however, masking, feels VERY personal. I guess because it's an admission of one of my secret 'weirdness-es' (as opposed to all of my well known ones!!!). 

I agree that having the diagnosis has helped enormously! I'ts previously been likened to finally being given an instruction manual and SO much is making sense now. I think I'm still at the stage of working out the balance you mention but I've also found myself telling myself off, as in "You KNOW this is Asperger's so just STOP IT!" which makes no sense at all. It's early days though, just three months since receiving my instruction manual, so I think I just need to assimilate everything and take it slowly.

I can't envisage a mask-free life. I feel I'd somehow lose, or give away, too much of 'me' if it weren't for this safety mechanism. I don't want to change who I am, just work out which parts are authentic I think. As you allude to, it's also taken me many vastly different lives to reach this one and I feel it's the most authentic 'me' so far. Or, Hell! Maybe I'm just too damned tired of it all to go through another overhaul to fit in with 'society'. Who knows!                     

 Well said   

Do you ever get home after a social interaction (anything from an appointment to a party or even just a chance encounter / conversation) and beat yourself up when, on reflection (or over-analysis!) you realise you had on the 'wrong' mask or wish you'd used a different one? 

I do that. Not ALL of the time but certainly more often than I'd like. 

The second half of that last paragraph you mention pretty much sums that up. I guess that's what I mean about searching for an authentic self - there's SO MANY of them!!! 

The only situation I have no mask for is the one you mention, grief is such an intense thing that I have no idea how to 'be' around it. It's an uncomfortably intense experience, being unmasked in public.   

P.s I do wear a bit of makeup!

I can identify with so much of this. Especially your last paragraph - I can't imagine not putting up a 'front' - dropping the masking. In some sense it seems logical to me to behave as I do with other people. I try to be placid and goodnatured and cheerful. For instance, we've had some bereavements in the family recently and I carry on with the same mask. Not only am I unable to drop it but I wonder who would benefit from my being miserable and self-indulgent about it all? So why not carry on as I always do? (I do try to respect other people's grief and make an effort to be appropriate of course).  Hope this makes sense. And you're right, this does feel very personal.

I can identify with so much of this. Especially your last paragraph - I can't imagine not putting up a 'front' - dropping the masking. In some sense it seems logical to me to behave as I do with other people. I try to be placid and goodnatured and cheerful. For instance, we've had some bereavements in the family recently and I carry on with the same mask. Not only am I unable to drop it but I wonder who would benefit from my being miserable and self-indulgent about it all? So why not carry on as I always do? (I do try to respect other people's grief and make an effort to be appropriate of course).  Hope this makes sense. And you're right, this does feel very personal.

Do you ever get home after a social interaction (anything from an appointment to a party or even just a chance encounter / conversation) and beat yourself up when, on reflection (or over-analysis!) you realise you had on the 'wrong' mask or wish you'd used a different one? 

I do that. Not ALL of the time but certainly more often than I'd like. 

The second half of that last paragraph you mention pretty much sums that up. I guess that's what I mean about searching for an authentic self - there's SO MANY of them!!! 

The only situation I have no mask for is the one you mention, grief is such an intense thing that I have no idea how to 'be' around it. It's an uncomfortably intense experience, being unmasked in public.   

P.s I do wear a bit of makeup!