Are there any women here? #2

Greetings all. I Post here to move this "chat" Thread up a bit, and see what comes of it. Threads upon this theme are often popular. And "Men" post here as well...! 

As an aside, I myself see no reason why this here Thread should discontinue, just because it was cloned by another Thread which turned out to be SPAM!?

This here Thread is a genuine Thread. Anyone who wants to see the SPAM Thread should have two slices of Bread ready before clicking this link to the Moderator-removed SPAM:

http://community.autism.org.uk/f/adults-on-the-autistic-spectrum/12220/are-there-any-women-here/

Hi, I'm a woman but still undiagnosed at the moment due to the long waiting time for an assessment. I'm middle aged and have only fairly recently started to realise that there's a strong chance that I'm autistic. For ages I thought that I just had social anxiety. It's been great to feel part of a community even though I mainly lurk. 

I didn't get additional services in 1997 because I was fortunate to be diagnosed so early but there wasn't any aftercare 

Yes, I am and am so fed up of society.The UK is the problem.The family and faith thing.Everyone is expected in roles so a woman as a mother, a man a father, to have more than one child,to work and stuff.When people are gay,***, transgender etc, when atypical of others they get classed under a label.I wish that wouldn't happen.  People are different. I don't understand the term "Spectrum" either.

well, my better half says that I "think like a man", so there may be something in that!!

Female body.... male brain?

https://spectrumnews.org/news/brains-women-autism-may-sport-male-features/

I think we are luckier to be living here in this time and space than elsewhere.

A hundred years ago I would have been forced into marriage and 'moulded' by an abusumive husband/father into however he saw fit and forced to breed, even if childbirth eventually killed me. And 500 years ago we all know what happened to eccentric spinsters with minds of their own.

Even now....I am glad not to be living in Saudi Arabia, or a country where honour killings may be the norm. Or I could have been born where genital mutilation us the norm.

I can votr, work and own my own property. But there is still nothing to be complacent about. We could go back, The Handmaid's Tale fashion.

I do not really do girly either. I loathe sexism but then women can be misogynists too! I prefer the straightforwardness of men too. I just think most people, neorotypical or not, are just not that much. That is, the species of ape we all belong to that pollutes, abuses, exploits, pushes other animals to extinction and could be happy to bush the button.. Probably my own good self  included. I like to fondly think I would not have kept pressing the torture button in the Milgram experiment, but cannot be sure about that, if I hadn't been wise to it. 

Most definitely. I do not feel like a man, although I have from an early age felt like I didn't know how to be a proper girl/woman. I don't know where to start with most of the things that seem to be considered girly and necessary to fit in with the female of the species (doing hair, gossiping, forming cliques, holding grudges, interest in celebrities and/or children). I also get on far better with men, mainly because they tend to take you at face value. Women always seem to know I am faking it (masking has only limited success), I can never quite carry it off, but men are mostly oblivious to the fact that I am different to anyone else.

I wonder how many of us share Shania Twain's (?) sentiment of "Man, I feel like a woman!"???

I am female and have never had a gender identity crisis sort of feelings, but I don't particularly feel any more of a woman than I do simply a person. In fact, I can usually more easily relate to men in 'real life' conversations and social situations. Other than the obvious physical differences I can't really see a good reason why I "feel like a woman". Does anyone else feel like this?

Yes, I belong to the female gender. 

No relationships here; and I have loads of "superficial friends". But I always end up with people being angry with me (even though I so do my best). And when people are angry I almost feel as if someone is holding me hostage - and I can't function until that person has "forgiven" me. Even though I know I am not at fault. I end up sending lots of messages trying to justify why I can't meet up, and I feel they don't get it and I feel their annoyance. 

I also feel sad because often people come with their issues to me. But when I feel bad, often people don't like ask extra questions and just say okay, and then I feel I have to stop. And the conversation just turns back to them - and I go back into the mode of asking people the right questions. Often I feel that ASD friends are more sensitive and empathetic. 

I would be interested to know how the other person experiences it. They seem to like this kind of interaction. They keep going for more than an hour sometimes. I kind of like it, because it is interesting. But it is very tiring.

I often feel I need to justify my existence (why I am not at work, why I have no energy, etc) - even when people don't say it bluntly - and many people do, because they don't understand why I'm not back at work. I don't tell everyone about ASD, I sometimes say burn-out (but that has been like 4 years now) and I do have a Lyme infection and CFS/etc kind of symptoms (I think many people with ASD seem prone to this).

I often wish I had known what I know about myself now, 30 years ago.... I might have had a hope and a chance at fun relationships and my own family. O gosh I hope I don't sound too mopey and depressed, but then again, maybe that is how I'm feeling now.

Hello Spotty Tortoise, nice to see you here. Since I realised about the asd I have felt huge relief at not 'needing' to beat myself up about who I am. Not lazy, thick, rude etc after all! I have almost completely stopped doing the things that I struggled to cope with - coffee mornings, evening classes, craft groups etc. (I am in the fortunate position of not being at work). I do miss doing creative work with other people but on balance I am so much happier just drifting through, just me and my other half. I haven't spoken to anyone other than him about being autistic. I think quite a few people had worked it out before I did! I do see family and love seeing the children (lots of them in the extended family) but it's never for long and I can back out if I need to. I really hope this doesn't all sound complacent or smug, because I'm not. But like you I don't behave any differently when I am with other people - the habits of a lifetime, I suppose.

I hope you're feeling less down today()

Grsnd fortune to you too DC, no idea about Pokemon but  have fun. ()

Um... given what was just written... out of courtesy I should say that I was leaving off as well... life is not predictable in all directions... and also that I am grateful for offered companionship. This is weird and unusual for myself. I still do not like the Internet, however. And I do not go straight to bed, and instead try to play Pokemon, late at nights...

Thank You SpottyTortoise and LoneWarrior in any case, just now, and Grand Fortune to yourselves.

()X

Sleep well Lone. ()x

To Disallowed Cynosure and Spotty Tortoise.

Thank you for your company tonight and as you two just happen  be here right now please accept my final offer of a hug as I really ought to get a bit of sleep ready for a long day tomorrow back at work.

take care night owls,

x()x()x

Mw too. ()!

) ( said:

I often feel like commenting I settle for tapping the up arrow. It shows I am here in spirit, 

I do this as well. At times I would truly like to add more... yet I am (currently) in no position of Authority. That is my own excuse apart from Fear and Illness anyway... (!)

Hi spotty thank you for your kind words, and also the kind words echoed  by Talentedmute.

Sadly I crashed out early this evening and only just woke up.

been a bit busy in various ways lately.mostly mentally.

Sorry you are still waiting for that validation of a formal diagnosis.

Also sad that you feel you are barely surviving, ready to break. You are not alone in that thought.

Not willing to share ,sorry. 

Like you I am behaving in the most part as I always have, but I am also trying to be me, it isn’t being met with much acceptance from all directions!

I tried being me as an autistic at work but for the most part was rejected in many ways, I decided to ease off and just dig deep and carry on with the mask as best I could. Near impossible with my new found knowledge.

Work is very exhausting and full of frustration.

I work in an environment that is very manly, big strong men, They know I cannot associate with there way of thinking but make no attempt to be flexible, if anything they seem to relish being more manly. Watching videos that seek to belittle females.

or videos that think fighting or bullying can be Fun?

It can become overwhelming and starts to seep into my head like a viral infection spreading and causing me to feel ill.

I cannot blame anyone as they have only ever known the masked version of me, The me that always fits the needs of those around me, The me that comes across as being capable and exceptionally good at my job.

I can see how they feel, I try to reach out and help by giving an understanding but they aren’t really bothered so long as I am not a danger to them they cannot be bothered. I am to much like hard work.

I had a bad experience that gave me my first strong shutdown in that straight after It I froze, my mind stopped, I couldn’t see enough to write, the words I had to write didn’t come, I got in my van to come home and screamed and cried, I best myself up mentally, I felt anger and sadness, I could only feel sad that such ignorance was used against me. I spent a great deal of time thinking it over and I can see where the comments came from and Why, I have since worked with the same man  and I forgive him.

He needs to understand the various types of autism and hopefully will one day, he only knows autism as a bad thing as he has a nephew with it who struggles with most  everything. I on the other hand appear to be doing rather well so should not dare even think let alone say I am autistic.

I have reached if not passed the point where I feel I need support, and although my manager did say they would support me they ended that talk with “ once you have seen your GP and got your diagnosis you can get back to being normal”  ouch ouch ouch, they had no idea just how painful those  last few words were. 

I really do share an awful lot with many of the things talked about in here.

I visit very often, and although I often feel like commenting I settle for tapping the up arrow. It shows I am here in spirit, 

I like the fact that all women can come here and feel totally free to talk about just what life is like being a female with autism.

It is more than just autism that effects females there are many things that come with autism and being female. More so than for many males. I am not saying that men in any way are effected less by autism, but that females are loaded with many more expectations as Society dictates.

Anyway I have rambled on enough, and written enough to last a very long time, whoops I do chatter when I get going, sorry!

thank you for allowing me to exhist and I look forward to hearing from you more. That goes for all of you regardless of the wiring.

Take care and never feel you are on your own,

x()x()x()x

r=26.

v=211.

s=26.