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Am I really THAT different.

The Foyster

So, I'm twenty two years old and I was recently diagnosed a few months ago but then I've never really felt like I belong,
I've made friends in the past, but we all seem to grow apart. 

I'm not sure how to go about making more, I've tried going out on night's out and stuff, as I'm "Supposed to do." at my age, like Nightclubs, and bars, pubs. 
I don't drink, nor am I allowed, so people slowly get more and more drunk, and their inhibitions go. I find myself just feeling uncomfortable.

It's not that I DONT like talking to people, it's really that I don't know how to engage certain situations, since people aren't honest.

People can say "Oh, yeah I'm fine." and I'll think "Oh okay -carries on talking-" then they just like snap and get pissy, and im like "What?" 

Nightclubs are not really that fun, if you're not drinking. (maybe its not even if you are.) but yeah, people shove past you, you get crowded in. People look at you strangely cs' you're just in the corner looking at the lights reflect on the smoke, and listening to the overwhelming loud music.

I feel like I'm losing everyone I know, that I care about. Because I don't know how to keep them in my life. 

I can't find a partner, because I don't even know who i am, and the fake persona I've used for years is slowly fading, cs' I don't want to be that person anymore, I want to be myself. But the only people that accept me as that, are my immediate family (Which isn't a complaint) but it'd be nice to have some other people.

Does anyone else experience this sort of thing, or has in the past and found a solution, cs' I'm not sure how to deal with this, and a sure answer of what to do would be amazing.

Thanks, I'm new to this community by the way, I hope I havent dragged you all down with my trivial problems. 

  • Hi, I'm in the same boat. I just turned 24 and I have one friend who is in her 40s and that is it. 

    I've gone through life either with no friends or I make friends and we quickly drift apart. I find social interactions difficult, I learned to come across my confident but since getting to this age I'm now at a I can't be bothered and don't care stage with regards to interacting and making friends. I feel I do prefer a lot of my own company most of the time. 

    I find I'm lost and don't really know my real self and what's fake, however since the diagnosis I feel.more free and to not care what others think in the same way as I used to because now I know why I'm different, and I actually prefer it as everyone else is quite boring. 

    I feel it's okay to have friends wonder in and out of your life or just have people you no that like a certain interest and you only hangout when that interest comes about. 

    I do have a partner currently although very lucky he is neurotypixal but had autistic friends so he understands me  most of the time.

    • But if your look for a friend I'm happy to oblige (: 

  • I can relate - I'm pretty much the same. Just start a new chapter in your life living like 'normal' people that don't go clubbing ect I broke away from that scene and started living a fairly normal life like people in t.v programmes do like family people ect

  • in reply to capers123

    I live in powys, I already play Ukelele, and Guitar. I'm pretty good. I go to a small music group, hasn't really caught on yet though, theres 5 of us. But it is quite welcoming. 
    They're all a lot older than me, but they're surprised when i bust out an oldie, they haven't heard since childhood. hehe.

  • in reply to capers123

    PS - in Gloucestershire the local County Music service run adult 'learn as you play' groups, with instrument hire if you need it - they have both adult beginners Windbands and String groups, and you can progress up to (an award winning) Jazz / Big Band groups, Wind Orchestras and other things.  I've played in one of the senior groups and found the hardest thing was chatting to fellow musos at coffee break.

  • in reply to capers123

    Hi Capers123, I recently found a pub with a chess board which was pretty cool, beat the people I played. Was cool. 
    I liked the music on the jukebox too, it was pre-2000's! 
    But yeah, the people there were decent, if not a bit overly sarcastic.

  • Nightclubs? I could never understand the attraction of them.  Pubs likewise - we have an excellent one close to us that serves as a small music venue and social hub for the area, but on the few occassions we go in, we desparately try to get away from the crowd watching the music and hide in a quiet corner.  Much too stressful.  But that doesn't stop me recommending the pub to others.

    I have hobbies and interests where little talking is required, though some others go to the pub afterwards (they accept that it would be rare for me to follow them).  Music - learning an instrument or playing in a band / orchestra is a good one - kind of sociable.  Or some sports - Tai Chi is great - like meditation but forcing you to think about what you're doing rather than emptying your mind.