Finding it difficult to express myself.....

Observe,adjust,,,,,,keep quite as you walk away defeated?

i do know what you mean though, some people just don’t want to cooperate, and no matter what I say they twist and turn it around, basically not worth me trying, I then assume a character that can deal or cope with the negative responses received, just another character but a defensive or extremely rarely attacking character, attacking mode only as a last resort in self protection mode.

I do enjoy being well,devils advocate or stretching the thoughts or beliefs of others, I find it stimulating to see anything from a new perspective, oh and belief was a wrong word before, I do not try to alter or change anyone’s religious belief just others idea of what is correct.

x

so, you have observed, tried a script, it works, so you log it.....the problem which we all know us what happens when the other party doesn’t stick to the “script”.... x 

Now that mask is ok as a coping strategy....it makes you more palatable and can make life a bit easier...

it gets easier with time....BUT....the longer you wear it...the more you can lose touch with your real self

i think most NTs prefer the mask.

sometimes when being an actor....you forget your true self...so can be double-edged x

and...like a limb....if the true self is not exercised....it can wither a bit x 

Well my mask is my ability to put the real me to one side,

I could say it is a bit like hooking them, well if I want to talk to a shop assistant it usually starts with “ some customers really are rude,I don’t know how you cope with them”? Hooked, a topic most likely to exhist which they have to deal with. I can empathise the feelings they deal with on a regular basis, 

i know four shop workers all female and all do different roles within  the supermarket, I am a people watcher, not in a freaky way I just see things.

if I see and hear a customer treating them or any worker like a servant or as if they are just slaves to meet thier needs I react by iether saying” excuse me this person is not here to be spoken to like that,” or I wait until they have gone and talk to them about how rude the customer was, this isn’t a game but my way of finding a common subject matter and attempting to make them feel better.

All my life I shape shift in mind and often with how I dress, I do a mucky old job outside in construction, always covered in dirt or concrete etc, I am at my most comfortable like this,I get stuck in, if I am expected to meet a client then dressed like this I will find it almost impossible to drop the role of just worker, I am that character in mind and appearance. So I plan by dressing neater,more formal,it works as my whole persona changes as does there’s, I feel equal to them.

I can adapt to cope with any type,I often get chosen to do work for tricky or demanding customers as I am called the diplomat at work, not the worst thing to be called.

I very quickly find out what makes them tick,I change to suit thier needs,it works,

I am an actor.

it does get easier with time, but sadly it becomes extremely hard to stop doing it all the time, so I forget who I am inside,my thoughts, my opinions, my likes and dislikes,

So letting my mask slip is me the real me being honest and not trying to be what people want, it frightens me at times, sudden realisations that “I” do exhist and thanks to the folks on here I am not judged for being different.

i cannot speak for Ellie, although my ability to read characters tells me she may be similar.

oh and boy do I skate around rambling to just say not a lot,

part of my wanting to share. Here I am want me, please talk to me, understand me, outside in real land so few want to understand.

She sounds like a really nice person. This mask that you and Ellie have...is it that you are noticing what people do, remembering it later and then being able to 'mimic' them? And this is something you've always had the ability to do...have you got better at it over time?

Yeah, concentrating on that is the only way to manage x

Yes it is Ellie x

The now is quite enough, isn’t it x

It's not a great feeling. My siblings and childhood friend have moved quite a distance away. I'm caring for an ill relative currently and i don't want to think about the future.

I think maybe i should write 'fine thank you' on my hand as a reminder because it always goes straight out of my head when i get asked

Yes I have tried both of those too when I remember that is. Yes makes me feel like I'm difficult too because I don't want to lie about it either. very well described. 

I’ve tried the throw back before ....quite entertaining how it throws people.

hey DC...bloomin hell....check out that unicorn.

cue running! 

(Oh, No... it is ME, "DC" the Capital Letters User (!!))

...That aside... *ahem*... this about being asked the "How are you?" greeting, and I shall share here how I, as "DC" often deal with it...

I know that one is "supposed" to reply "fine (how are you?)" in return. Thank you, "Elephant-Noone-Elephant", for bringing up that particular topic (social pleasantry).

At school, when asked that, when I or anyone else in my class, replied something *other* than the exact word "Fine" or something else cheery... we were told off about it. All of us, one and all, were still under 10 years old - so how could we know?

Maybe a bit more helpful. Now (after forty-odd years of experience)... I know how to deal with - how to offset - this, now. What I do is, whenever anyone asks how I am (without really meaning it) --- I change the subject. UTTERLY.

For instance, at a cashier or over the telephone:
"Hello! How are you today?"
"I am here to ask about... (go onto your main reasons for contacting this person, or for them contacting yourself)..."

Or: If really flustered that day, just throw back what they say right back at them:
"Hello! How are you today?"
"How are YOU today?" (emphasis upon throwing it back, there.)

That is what I do, nowadays. It serves two purposes:
1- forces a confusion during "social etiquette" which allows time to consider what is *truly* being said (words, meanings thereof).
And 2- If you are difficult like I am, and do not want to LIE about "feeling fine" when in truth you want to, say, run away... then just keep changing the subject until the asker is UTTERLY confused:
Last example:
"How are you today?"
"Look!! - there is a rainbow/a Pony/a Mercedes/a War occurring in the Middle East/another Debate concerning Brexit...!"

(The point is to buy yourself time to calm down and just get on with whatever you yourself seek at the time. It works most of the time and only rarely does it depend upon the person/situation. (This last means that you very rarely might get them actually ANGRY.) Practise, practise, experience, practise.)

Um... hope you or anyone understand all of that. Bye for now.

'Not bad' is a good answer . "Could be better" is one I sometimes say. Hello is much better. 

I too have had that experience where I asked someone if they genuinely wanted to know how I am.  If you are not interested then don't ask in the first place!  All very confusing.  I end up sounding like a stuck record now as my default response is 'not bad'.  It's short and snappy and usually by time I have finished saying it, the person asking has walked by or moved on to talk to someone else.  It comes back to do they really care?  Surely just hello would be more appropriate?  

I have that fear too especially when thinking about the future. I do have some friends but they mostly live away and not necessarily ones I could just call in an emergency. I have my dad at the moment. My family live away too. I was very aware of this when I was really ill the other week and it is scary. so I try not to think about it and hope something good happens soon.. I didn't have a shop in the village I grew up in. and now I just go to the smallest one in town or try to go like you said when it is quiet. I don't know what the answer is. 

I have no friends, and apart from my dad have lost my family....even my OH diesn’t Talk. Trips to the village shop are planned to pick the quiet times,

my panic has always been that if anything happened who would you call? 

This social network has got benefits and am sure others do too. its hard to fight fear and find a voice but maybe with the back up and support of people on here we will gain that confidence. 

Im not sociable really. I find all groups difficult family included, I avoid walking on the street so don't get confronted with people I know, I don't manage to keep up with friends and missed out on all their children growing up, I hardly have anyone coming into my house or visit others...Im not out at work mixing all sorts of ways Im not sociable.. But I do like chatting with you folk so ....? all relative I suppose. 

But you are also sociable and you have been able managevthat sociability which is good