Finding it difficult to express myself.....

Thank you for your reply. I either find that I get completely ignored or if someone does say “are you ok” I freeze as there is so much that I want to say that it all gets stuck in my throat can I can’t express it. Part of me worries that I do unload that they will run away or that I will break down.

i feel like a piece of flotsam that just been carried along by what other people want or need from me. This is not their fault...as what do they know, if they aren’t told x

Yep, that last line, that sounds incredibly familiar. I'm not good at chit chat but don't think that makes a big difference there. And I may actually say something (rather than . . .) but it doesn't seem to be what people expect and is therefore as useful as . . . .

The other problem is that I'm way too honest about how much it helped what someone else did to help me. If it didn't help and I say so then that's seen as being negative, rejecting everything... Strange enough this is the case even if I say quite clearly what would help (with this being something perfectly possible). But actually I think quite often others (NT people, I mean) feel the same, that despite good intention the way someone tried to help did not actually help or was perhaps mainly to make them feel good about themselves in first place, but they would never admit this, they pretend to be really grateful even if they tell someone else five minutes later how totally inappropriate they found someone's "help".

NTs get upset about this honesty, if they genuinely wanted to help then they do perhaps see it as unfair criticism, no matter how constructive it was (maybe that's because what would help them is different from what would help us, so they feel we are taking the piss, even if this totally clashes with the way we appear), when they just wanted to make themselves feel better (possibly without being aware of it) then they get angry, maybe about wasting their energy without receiving the deserved reward.  

Hi Ellie,just wanted to say you are not alone in this, maybe a bit of a difficult subject to talk about honestly.

I can make conversation to just about anyone, I find myself checking out the other persons tones and responses so I can adapt to what they prefer,

In effect just being compliant for an easy life,or just feeling “hey I can communicate with a being equally” I do this at work,easy to get the person on side,first line is usually” they don’t appreciate how much you do around here” this is usually the case with workers feeling put upon by the management.

I do it for an easy life and to not have enemies.

Regarding relationships? I don’t feel confident to tell all here.

I get by.I get “upset” if I can’t find something I need at home, so I walk about looking,my wife says” what are you looking for?” I just keep pacing about and then just slump back down in my chair and not respond, not exactly a mature response. Last night I asked for my nail scissors as they weren’t where I keep them,she jumped up leaving her dinner,hey I can look just tell me I say.

“no I know you it’s not worth your moods,” she said.

says a lot about me.

I don’t do emotion face to face, on here it may seem I am perfectly able to spill emotions all over the place! I have time to think,time to edit,time to try and think it through before”saying” typing it.

I get by but don’t do face to face emotion. If I like something or some one, I like them a lot.

I don’t have any answers,if you find any let me know please.

Thank you x