Help Needed - ASD Girl & Schooling

That's amazing news! Good for you! 

It worked!! I used your quote from the disability act and I received an apologetic email, saying they have moved her to be with her peers! Thank you! 

I do hate using the term disability with regard to AS, but when people are being pigheaded about procedures and ignoring common sense solutions to problems it does tend to get results. ;) 

Have you talked to the school about the arrangements and how much her friends support her when she struggles due to her autism? 
Sounds like someone high up the admin chain made a careless decision without really thinking about it or without being informed in the first place.

Teachers can make these things happen if you ask, especially if you explain that it is due to her condition.

If there is resistance I would argue that being put with these friends who provide your daughter with so much support is a 'reasonable adjustment' and therefore something the school is obliged to put in place (equality act assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/.../Equality_Act_Advice_Final.pdf) to help your daughter access her education as easily as a neurotypical pupil.

"Where something a school does places a disabled pupil at a disadvantage compared to other pupils then the school must take reasonable steps to try and avoid that disadvantage." - I would argue that removing your daughter's social support network by splitting her from these friends puts her at a disadvantage for the purposes of the act.

Thank you for replying, that was very helpful, as the head teacher really did scare me with her comment. I’ve since found out that when arranging the classes, the mainstream junior school has separated her from her friends!!! Despite acknowledging that her friendships are the thing that will make mainstream tolerable for her.  It now puts me in a very difficult position and makes me dubious that the mainstream school really have my daughters best interests at heart.  It was really nice to have a positive perspective on mainstream and alleviate some of my fears. Thanks again. 

So first, obvious logical point to put your mind at ease: the ones who don't have trouble wouldn't be coming back to the secondary specialist school- they would have happily integrated into the mainstream one, so it's logical that she only sees the ones who don't cope.

I admit I'm a bit angered (even a bit offended- I don't believe it to be a universally true statement and I certainly would not have described myself as "broken" by the end of primary school) by that turn of phrase the specialist used.

I don't think it was right of her to scare you like that, even if it was her genuine opinion (call me a massive cynic, I probably am, but it might be that the school wants as many as possible to apply because the higher the intake, the better the funding, which is true of all schools)- she must have known that the response to that would be one of fear for your child. Not an appropriate emotion to evoke when discussing something like school places. That has put me on edge about the person, though that said I don't feel it would be fair to write the place off over that one remark.

Now, I work at a mainstream secondary, we have our share of autistic kids. I usually know who they are and keep an eye out for how they seem to be doing when I happen to cross ways with them- they're my people after all. Most of them are really nice kids, and very well-adjusted. One of the lads in particular is THE most socially adept and at-ease aspie I have ever met, and I know a lot of autistic people!

We also have an autism specialist who comes to give talks in the summer and he is good at his job, and very insightful. He didn't say one thing about people on the spectrum that I felt was inaccurate or unhelpful, unlike some of the attitudes I encountered in education growing up. I actually went up to him (despite being super nervous about "outing myself" out of the blue to a stranger) and told him what an excellent presentation it was IMO as someone on the spectrum.

I do not get the impression that what we do in having these talks is too out of the common way for schools these days- autism awareness is high and the support is out there in mainstream. I would in no way agree that mainstream schooling 'breaks' autistic children. (So... that obviously really got to me, didn't it...)

Anyway, I would agree with NAS38043 that having her friends around to support her in social interaction with a varied cohort is absolutely an option worth trying if that's what she wants.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply! I share the same views as you - unfortunately we've been told that if she wants specialist provision, it's either now (as she goes from infants to juniors) or we wait till secondary.  The woman at the specialist speech and language school, has said that the girls who come to her in secondary are "broken" - that's made me panic immensely! I'm not sure it's worth the risk - although if it works, it would be ideal. Just so hard to gamble on her future.  

Thanks so much Jessica, that really does help! X

Hi

I have an 11 year-old with Asperger's who; as with your daughter and many other girls with ASD; is an excellent masker and also mimicker, which can be interesting!  I was concerned about her going to a mainstream secondary school in September, so applied for her to go to the only school in our area with a separate specialist provision that she could access if/ when needed.  She was refused access as demand is high; but when I spoke to her she told me that she wanted to go to the same school as her "friends" anyway.  She doesn't really have friends, but sees her peers as such.  Despite meaning that I will (there are significant issues around safety/ sensory issues) be walking her to and from school, I am happy for her to go there and see what happens.  There is support available from local groups if I need it; and excellent classes on parenting for children with ASD - it is these things that seem to make more of a difference to us. 

I have found that, on the whole, mainstream school has been very successful for my daughter (her intelligence is regarded as exceptional) and that is as a result of good communications between myself, my daughter and the school.  The issues that she has tend to be mainly around how to interact with peers/ unstructured time.

As a former Inclusion Manager, I have worked in a small support room with three children with ASD which, whilst it sounds marvellous, could be highly chaotic, due to to the very different needs of each child.  My point here is that it isn't always "best" to go with the label, but to ensure that children are matched up with peers that can work alongside them/ enjoy their input - so if your little one wants to stay with her friends, I would absolutely recommend that you try that first :)

I hope that this helps

Hey, my parents had a similar thing with me, but with keeping me in mainstream or moving to private school. They decided to go private and I can honestly say that if I hadn't moved, I would not have been able to cope. The school I was at before was crowded and bright and too loud and I stood out like a sore thumb. I now recieve a lot more support and fit in better because of smaller classes and more structure and less disturbance in class. I have had social issues obviously as I moved not knowing anyone but I am fine and coping now! Im not saying mainstream school is bad whatsoever, my sister and brother go there, but for me being autistic, it has been so much better. Hope this helps x

That’s good to know, thank you! She wants to stay with her friends but as she’s only just turned 7, I don’t think she’s old enough to make an informed choice. Do you think the benefits of staying with her friends outweigh the negatives of being in mainstream? She has 1:1 for 22hrs a week. Thanks 

Hi. I am a 21 year old autistic and I had a mainstream education. If that was my decision, I'd keep her in there so she doesn't lose her mates and like you said, there'd be an excellent transition program.

what I would be worried about is when she turns 16 as she'd *probably, but I can't say thay this is the case* be pressured by the school and connexions to do foundation learning at a local college like I was, despite me getting good grades in creative subjects and failing everything else. then again, it all depends on what grades she gets at GCSE and if you think she'd be able to take them.

your daughter deserves a voice, so I'd ask her what she'd prefer to do. **especially** when it comes to transitioning from school to college/sixth form

Thank you both so much for taking the time to respond.  Sorry I didn't put her age - she's just turned 7.  Emma, it's so lovely to hear a positive story and your reasoning for why positive stories are hard to come by, makes perfect sense! Thanks again. 

I was in mainstream and whilst I had a lot of the mental health problems and school was a generally stressful place to be I am now a happy and reasonably well-adjusted adult with a partner and a full time job.

I was also undiagnosed for most of my school life, due to the fact that the knowledge of asd in girls was in its infancy and, like your daughter, I was a very proficient masker. I feel that this is a large factor in why school was so difficult for me- there was no support and I knew I was different but had no idea why.

I do wonder if the reason you never feel like you hear any success stories is because of the lack of recognition and support for autistic girls until very recently (plus that those who did so well are often happily assimilated into the mainstream and thus quieter about their experiences than those of us who suffered).

It sounds like the mainstream school you are considering is capable, if there is a good transition process in place, and her friends would provide her with some support and consistency. What does your daughter want to do?

I would just go with her preference for now, making sure there is good communication between you and the school about her needs (whichever you both decide) and if she finds it too distressing or difficult as time goes by you can always switch later on. :) 

Well, it seems your intuition is for her to stay with her friends. You don't say how old she is, so is this a choice of 'big school'? Does the mainstream school have any special provision?

Here's a nice film about Limpsfield Grange girls' school: www.youtube.com/watch