Help....

Hi. I Am a 47 year old mother of a recently diagnosed 23 yr old Autistic son. And I'm struggling, really struggling. In fact I would go so far as to say my life is crumbling around my ears. We've had a volatile relationship since his early teens, which led to some quite spectacular rows, I now know these were probably melt-downs. Over the last couple of years however things have got worse. He looses his rag over what seems like the slightest thing. I get sworn at, called awful awful things, shouted at to SHUT UP AND LISTEN, things get thrown, windows are broken, holes in wall, light switches shattered, holes in ceiling, plates glasses thrown so hard they shatter, doors kicked off their hinges, lost count of the number of remote controls thrown so hard they are a million pieces. I've been spat at with real hatred, punched in the chest hard, (thought i'd broken a rib, hit in the back of the head, had a crown knocked out......I'm at the end of my tether and I Don't know what to do........I understand how life changing this all is for him, and try, really try to communicate with him. But it always always ends in the above. He gets more and more agitated with me, during quite innocuous conversations, and ends up ranting at me for hours, I'm not allowed a different opinion, (he denies this, but he's always right) Im exhausted. Hes getting some help, but not with this kind of stuff. To outsiders he's a personable, polite young man.He's told me he has been pretending all his life, and now doesn't know what to do.

I want to help, I really do, but im afraid of him, I don't even want to be in the same house as him. (he wants to move  out but hes off sick at the moment, trying to sort benefits and housing. I'm lost. Im already on antidepressants.

Just realised how cheery this reads, I'm sorry, I just don't know what to do anymore.

  • You might be his parent, but you need to kick him out. Violent behaviour the likes of what you have described above is never acceptable. He's being physically and emotionally violent towards you, smashing things, punching you, destroying the house, the emotional abuse etc is not acceptable.

    You can choose to have him sectioned, that might kick start the some treatment for his violent outbursts etc. If you don't then it will only continue, and continue to escalate and there's a fairly high chance that he will end up putting you in hospital, or in the ground. If you end up in hospital the police will be involved and they don't need your permission or cooperation to prosecute anymore and it's highly probable they will prosecute (which almost certainly guarantees jail time, regardless of his ASD diagnosis). 

    He might have ASD but he will still know right from wrong, ASD might be a diagnosis, it's not and never is an excuse for violent and abusive behaviour.

  • Dear NAS36456, 

    I'm so sorry you're having such a difficult time, I think you perhaps you could contact our Autism Helpline team who might be able to help. They can provide you with information and advice on many autism related issues. You can call them on 0808 800 4104 (Monday to Thursday 10am to 4pm, Friday 9am to 3pm).Please note that the Helpline is experiencing a high volume of calls and it may take a couple of attempts before you get through to speak to an advisor.

    Please see the following link for further information:

    http://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/main.aspx

    There may also be others who can help out with their own personal experiences. I hope you find something that is helpful, but if not please post back and a community member or moderator will try to help you out.

    Best wishes,

    Heather - Mod

  • It seems there are anger issues and he does not know how to deal with these. Does social services offer assistance to help this young man deal with emotions? No programs nothing?  He needs help. Surely after diagnosis they would signpost you to services available for an adult.

  • Bless you... If your son didn't have a diagnosis what would you do? Regardless of disability your son still knows or needs to know right from wrong. Don't suffer because if he does it to someone else he will end up in trouble with the police and even if they take his disability into account he will still be punished.