Published on 12, July, 2020
Help needed pls
My 17 year old admitted he was self harming to us on Thursday after he posted on social media to friends he was going to take his own life.
He was diagnosed with higher funtioning autism and non verbal tourettes when he was 11 and have had many issues with his autism but never anything like this.
As he is very reserved and quiet unfortunatly we didn't pick up on anything different, we went to g.p Thurs and they sent us to deal with crisis team in hospital the same day.
We sat in a and e and eventually got a psychiatrist to see him 6 hours later. They said that he is not clinically depressed and should go home and they would be in contact.
Through us chasing them we have had 2 calls at home and they have booked a home visit for this weds, but that's 6 days since he said he needed help!
Were unsure how to deal with this, is it something we should have watched for with his autism and him struggling to cope with emotions.
Any parents out there who have had the same unfortunate experience who can tell me what happens next?
Feel like we are wrapping him in cotton wool atm but can' risk not doing that.
Any suggestions or experiences or advice welcome as feel like we dont know what to do
I’m so sorry you are all going through such a tough time, I see that you have already contacted the GP and seen psychiatrist though A&E and I hope they can provide you and your son with the support you need but in the meantime, you might want to look at MIND's website, they have information pages on coping with self harm or suicidal feelings based on the experiences of people who’ve been through it that you may find helpful. Also, our helpline can be emailed on autismhelpline@nas.org.uk or they’re open Monday to Thursday 10am-4pm and Friday 9am-3pm on 0808 800 4104 and they may be able to offer you extra advice and support.
Please post back if you need anything else and a moderator or community member will try to help.
Kind regards,
Heather - Mod
Hi,
I am autistic and have been suicidal. I'm now researching the care of the suicidal autistic adult. However, autistic people don't necessarily go through depression before feeling suicidal. I know it is complicated but this article by Sarah Cassidy and others http://www.thelancet.com/journals/lanpsy/article/PIIS2215-0366(14)70248-2/fulltext explains to medics, and others, that only 35% of people were depressed whereas 66% had suicidal thoughts. Print it out and show it to your son's medical carer.
In the mean time, take him seriously and keep an eye out for harmful things. Don't be afraid to talk about it, but also don't let it be your only conversation. As to what happens next - I had one week in hospital - but that was awful. It wasn't set up for autistic people and made me worse. Rather than keeping me in my husband was asked to take me home. 9 years later I can talk about it quite freely. I still get suicidal urges whilst walking over bridges etc. But I know that I want to live, and I'll fight all suicidal thoughts, but it is hard.
Take care of yourself,
Margaret
I'm a parent, but I can't tell you how this works in the UK. My now adult son is finally getting the help he needs, but he's lived overseas since he was very small. I concur with oktanol that your recent experiences have the ring of familiarity. I was definitely not a happy bunny when I was your son's age, but then I had no idea that I might be on the spectrum. In that sense I suppose you have a head-start.
Looking at the clock, it occurs to me that your GP's surgery will be opening soon. If you call them, perhaps they can schedule a call back from one of the doctors this morning, so you can ask the immediate questions you have about your situation. I can absolutely understand why you don't want to take any risks. Given the subject matter, if you have questions, ask until you get answers that satisfy you. You know your son best of all.
Based on my experiences, I would agree with oktanol that your son really needs your love, understanding and support right now. He probably also wants to talk about how he feels (perhaps at some considerable length) without feeling judged. Give him a safe, supportive environment, and encourage him to open up to you.
Given the social media posts, perhaps it might also be worthwhile finding out more about his interactions with his peers; has he been suffering with bullying (perhaps the non-physical kind) for example?
Good luck with your current struggles.
Hi there, I’m not a parent, but what your son is doing/saying does sound rather familiar. I would never have told my parents though because I’m pretty sure how they would have reacted - or maybe I don’t actually know. So you have already done something great, you have made him feel save enough to tell you, and when he told you you took him serious and you didn’t tell him off. Maybe that sounds like something you would take for granted but it’s really not. Guess many parents don’t do that because they are actually angry but they just don’t know any better way of reacting.
Regarding the self-harm, as shocking as that will sound to you now, but unless he actually does something that could easily go out of control it’s not really quite as bad as it seems (assuming that it seems incredibly bad to you). Sorry, bad is perhaps not a very precise word, I’m not very good at that. Maybe try if he wants to tell you about it, why he does it, what he does? He may have done that for a while or for the first time, maybe he wants to talk about it. Try to stay calm if he does (well, if he doesn't then as well, of course), you don’t need to tell him that it’s all fine if he hurts himself, but it’s alright to feel the need to do it, and to not have a better alternative at the moment.
Regarding suicidal thoughts, I guess they will have checked how concrete they are, if he has a specific plan, and if so if he has organised the means to follow that plan, and presumably they have decided he hasn’t, otherwise they would hopefully not let it wait for so long. Maybe he is able to talk to you about it too? Guess the better you know what’s going on in his head the better you can decide how urgent it is and whether anything changes. Don’t think you need to see it as wrapping him in cotton wool, maybe wrapping him in arms, literally or not, is something he does need at the moment? If he doesn’t feel like he is worth much or something like that then clear signs showing that you love and care about him may be quite important to him. They certainly would have been to me, and I guess my parents did love and care about me and they were sure they were showing it quite clearly, but I often didn’t get it.
Have they given you some emergency number for that crisis team? They do have someone there 24/7, so if you don’t have their number it would probably be good to ask for it. Guess they are not going to fix him on Wednesday either or ever really, but you are not as helpless as you may feel at the moment to support him and get through this together, because you are doing it already.
Take care, and maybe watching this here www.youtube.com/watch helps a little (in case you can’t sleep anyway). There’s a bit on related issues, your son may feel that way or not, maybe you can find out, it's a possibility at least if they didn't think he is clinically depressed.