Published on 12, July, 2020
I don't really know how I could explain this but i'll probably type it all up as best as I can! I don't really know if this is a good thing or a bad thing to get on so well with people younger!
I'm 23 and male and found out I had aspergers like about a year ago, most of the time, I don't talk to hardly anyone cos I hate communication as I just find it too hard and difficult especially when there isn't anything to speak about.
But when my cousins come round, one's 10 years old and the other one is 11, I get on proper well with them and I just don't feel like my usual emotionless non speaking self at all! I feel really happy and cheery with them and I absolutly love their company, it's mainly because they love playing video games with me and I love playing video games with them as well, is it because of the special interest which bonds and make me be able to communicate? I feel like I fit in the knowledge level like I know what I'm talking about because I love talking about video games and especially when we were playing Diablo 3 Reaper Of Souls together, I just kept communicating with them what to do, what not to do in the game etc etc.
Too bad they don't hardly have enough time to come round and all that anymore like they used to. I had something in my mind all the time about this because I never understand nor feel interested in anything else other people talk about unless it's something I am really interested in. I feel like my brain is a 10 year old knowledge because I don't really have a adult mind, I definetly don't.
I done something that I feel guilty about today though because my Uncle was round and he had 2 of his kids one about 3 the other 6 years old, they kepy following the older cousins who I played video games with, because they never have enough time to stay with me to play video games nowadays, they had to go about 9ish and it was getting late and the 2 younger ones were taking ages to go, so I had to go downstairs and talk to my cousin saying come on you're taking ages just to do it on purpose so my Uncle hears as I want them to go so I could spend as much time as I can with the 2 cousins playing video games since we'll never see eachother for weeks! My uncle heard it and though I was targetting him but I wasn't! Anyway, just thought I'd include that in there.
But yeah.... is it actually appropiate to be getting on soo well with people way younger than you. Like the way I speak to my cousins, it doesn't even seem like I'm their bother but it feels like I treat them as my best friends ever! I want to be mature but I just can't at the same time, It's so stressful... confusing and because I'm an anxious person generally, I just worry about everything and always thing the negative points instead of the positive points. It does just feel awesome that I get on so well with them but at the same time it feels embarrasing like other people probably think I'm such a immature kid getting on so well with people that age but I don't think they'll ever understand my difficulties or if it is even that.
I don't even get on well with my closest friends I have who are actually the same age as me anymore because they really bore me when I hang out with them now, they do talk about funny stuff but it just feels like somethings missing.... it's probably because we all got older and they are too mature therefore talking about mature stuff and mainly things I don't understand... so now every Saturday, when I used to hang out wit them all the time, it turns out now that nearlly every Saturday I don't bother because I would rather be on my own, do all the things I enjoy and want to do on that day since I have work Monday to Friday and I feel I have no time what so ever.
As a child, I got on better with adults than children, because we could talk about my interests on a more equal footing. Children in groups scare me because of my experience of bullying. I can settle into playing toy soldiers or doing jigsaws with younger relatives, but I think I tend to expect children to be more the way I was as a child. I've often tended to have friends who are older. Shared interests are the key.