Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi Folks,
Does anyone ever wonder what they would be like if they didn't have autism? More normal doesn't really count. I mean in a way I do because of the simple fact that I was mute for the first few years of my life and was unresponsive to many noises as a little baby. Then as I grew up the state of which I had autism effectively transitioned from moderate to mild. I know that autism is something that can never be completely removed (I still do many small things that add up to autism) but nowadays many people state when I inform them of my diagnosis "goodness, I'm so shocked" or "wow I never would have known".
So initially to 90% of individuals, I come across as a mainstream pupil and individual yet deep down my nearest and dearest know this is not the case. Has anyone experienced the same sort of reactions and got some sort of experience with being treated like a "regular individual"? Alongside this, does anyone consider how different they would be if they didn't have autism? What could have been? We will never fully know but maybe we experience a bit of everything.
Kind regards
Stavratross
Having just been diagnoses a few weeks ago at the age of 43...a little but not really. I look back and think "Oh thats why..." and not generally wishing i didn't have it. In the same way that I don't wish that I was white as i was bullied for that and have suffered in life because if it. I came to terms with that long before I knew I was autistic so i suppose you could say that having another label (along with being a transplant patient) wasn't anything new. We are who we are. End of. I can't imagine being anyone or anything other than me and while dropping a few of my odd traits and perhaps looking more part of the dominant culture would smooth my life to no end but... I can wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which one I get more of.
I agree, I have re-analysed much of my life since I was diagnosed in middle age, but only as a way to learn from earlier mistakes and to better understand who I am now; I try not to get into thinking about "what if" situations.
I have never experienced the world through the perceptions of a neuro-typical mind, so I have no way to know whether life would have been different had I been born neuro-typical, and a neuro-typical me wouldn't be me at all, anyway.
If my autism were suddenly "turned off" right now, I imagine that the experience would be incredibly frightening; I wouldn't be able to make sense of my perceptions any more, might have many thoughts from my sub-conscious that I never had before, and so on. I wouldn't want to regress to being a child who had to learn everything all over again at my age!