What could have been

Hi Folks,

Does anyone ever wonder what they would be like if they didn't have autism? More normal doesn't really count. I mean in a way I do because of the simple fact that I was mute for the first few years of my life and was unresponsive to many noises as a little baby. Then as I grew up the state of which I had autism effectively transitioned from moderate to mild. I know that autism is something that can never be completely removed (I still do many small things that add up to autism) but nowadays many people state when I inform them of my diagnosis "goodness, I'm so shocked" or "wow I never would have known". 

So initially to 90% of individuals, I come across as a mainstream pupil and individual yet deep down my nearest and dearest know this is not the case. Has anyone experienced the same sort of reactions and got some sort of experience with being treated like a "regular individual"? Alongside this, does anyone consider how different they would be if they didn't have autism? What could have been? We will never fully know but maybe we experience a bit of everything.

Kind regards

Stavratross

  • I agree, I have re-analysed much of my life since I was diagnosed in middle age, but only as a way to learn from earlier mistakes and to better understand who I am now; I try not to get into thinking about "what if" situations.

    I have never experienced the world through the perceptions of a neuro-typical mind, so I have no way to know whether life would have been different had I been born neuro-typical, and a neuro-typical me wouldn't be me at all, anyway.

    If my autism were suddenly "turned off" right now, I imagine that the experience would be incredibly frightening; I wouldn't be able to make sense of my perceptions any more, might have many thoughts from my sub-conscious that I never had before, and so on.  I wouldn't want to regress to being a child who had to learn everything all over again at my age!

  • I can wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which one I get more of.

    Haha :) 

  • Having just been diagnoses a few weeks ago at the age of 43...a little but not really. I look back and think "Oh thats why..." and not generally wishing i didn't have it. In the same way that I don't wish that I was white as i was bullied for that and have suffered in life because if it. I came to terms with that long before I knew I was autistic so i suppose you could say that having another label (along with being a transplant patient) wasn't anything new. We are who we are. End of. I can't imagine being anyone or anything other than me and while dropping a few of my odd traits and perhaps looking more part of the dominant culture would smooth my life to no end but... I can wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which one I get more of.

  • The problem of making friends and keeping Friends!!!

    Even when people are trying to be friendly with me, I mess it up because I don't have social skills to respond in a socially acceptable manner.

  • All the time. I'm a straight A student, but the prospect of ever having a career is slipping through my fingers, as my lack of understanding of social norms has made networking all but impossible. My nerves cause me to under-perform in social professional and educational settings. I also wonder about what friends I might have if I weren't so awkward.

  • I look back on life not so much focusing on what life would be like without ASD, but how much easier would life be if people understood or if I had been diagnosed earlier.

    I think it is a tragedy that we view being anything but who we are currently as being happier and more content.  Yes there are days when I am ready to throw in the towel and state that I am done and I can't keep going on like this, but I think a lot of that has to do with the world we live in and how it isn't decide for someone who is ND.  I often think what would life be like with ASD if there was more support, understanding and less triggers on a day to day basis.  I would be the same person, but possibly happier and more content.

  • I believe I would have a healthy career and be doing something pioneering. I think I would have friends that have been there a long time. I would be a happier individual.