Published on 12, July, 2020
I just need to say this.
I hate myself. I hate the fact that I am not normal. I hate the fact that I don't understand sarcasm or jokes and I hate the fact that I seem to lack any sort of social awareness.
If there was a cure for autism I would take it in a heart beat. I would love to be normal and not feel as though I am being awkward. Maybe I would make more friends, maybe I would feel happier inside, maybe I wouldn't feel like such a disappointment. Maybe I would feel better and not feel as thought I have to disclose it on job applications.
I always have at the back on my mind that if people knew I was autistic I wouldn't have a chance in having a job cause all they would see is the diagnosis.
I hope this hasn't offended anyone.
I have never wrote on a platform like this I just needed to say something.
NAS83027,
Since you can't see it yourself, I am going to write what I like about your post even though I don't know you.
1. I like your bravery - It's hard to admit those feelings.
2. I like your vulnerability - It's scary to show upsetting feelings or ones that are perceived as negative.
3. I like your honesty - You are reaching out in your painful state.
4. I like your loving nature - You care that what you said may hurt another but it hasn't as many folks feel that.
5. I like that you have written what I often feel and therefore made that part of me feel loved and validated.
I am learning to accept and welcome those parts of myself that are so often masked and hidden from others. Now I feel safe to show that side of me too.
Thank you. Sending the love that you need since you don't feel it for yourself.
This is such a beautiful reply, I want it to resurface...My eyes got a bit teary.