Published on 12, July, 2020
I am so unhappy at the moment. The reason is money, to be specific budgeting!! I am so rubbish at it, (I am on the benefits system AGAIN!) I make the same mistakes over and over again. (Decade after bloody decade!! Fortnight after Fortnight!!) End up running out of money, and having to either borrow some money or sell something (like a junkie.) Its like a OCD thing, a compulsion to wreck things financially whenever I can.
The problem is I am now feeling so low, negative and wishing I was dead. Is this common with people who have Aspergers syndrome? I want to cry, I want to die, I want to poke myself in the eye. I don't self harm other than over-eating, or eating food that upsets my bowels and stomach.
Do you know is this is something I can be cured of? It does not bode well for a good future for me, yet I am positive it is a brain malfunction thing. I so want to do better, I just can't I don't know how. It is so damn frustrating, it is driving me to tears literally!!!
Am I the only one who suffers like this? Where should I turn to for help with this? Can anyone really help me??
You need to be organised. Lists are your friend! If you honestly want to control your finances I recommend making an easy, basic budget plan. Write down:
1. how much money you have coming in
2. How much money is DEFINITELY going out e.g bills
Then see how much you have left over, so you will know exactly how much you can spend until your next pay day.
I write down everything I buy each month. If you do this you can look back over the list at the end of the month and see where you're going wrong/wasting your money.
It's also a good idea to take all of your benefit money out (I'm guessing you get paid 2-weekly) so you physically have it and have to hand it over each time you buy something. When people rely on cards it can sometimes not register that this is actual money.
Good luck!
About the depression...I think having things under control will help with your mental well being. You've been worrying about your finances, which will be contributing to your stress.
Also, you mentioned eating issues. Nutrition is so important for our brains to work properly. I've been reading this book:https://www.amazon.co.uk/Could-You-Overcoming-dyspraxia-Tourettes/dp/0753513390 which has a good section on nutrition for people with autism etc.
Take control of what you can. I understand it can be so difficult, but you need to give yourself the best possible chance.
Speaking of my being pressed down, or should I say depressed. I hope y'all enjoy this. . . . . . .
PRESSED NO MORE
I will not be pressed, pressed more.
Of that I am certain of that I am sure,
It’s not hiding behind the curtain or behind the door,
I cannot be pressed down, down to the floor,
Have I found the answer do I know the cure,
Happiness, peace and love have a certain allure,
Order, click and pay, that’s what I am waiting for,
Life’s happiness and joy’s are what I have in store,
Being pressed down is a thing I abhor,
I can say with confidence, I can say for sure,
I will not be pressed down, pressed no more,
Tears have dried up and love begins to pour,
Agape, Eros or even Amore,
looking back with love no reason to be sore,
Living like a king, being a moor,
Treated like a king, by those I love and adore,
I will say it again I know you heard it before,
I will not be pressed down, pressed down no more,
I have those I love, a reason to live for,
The power of love leaves me in awe,
The more I give, I get, in every cell, in every pore,
My wounds have healed, they are no longer red raw,
I came I conquered, oh yes I saw,
My new life on the road, yup . . . I am on tour,
Life lived to the full cannot be a bore,
It’s as easy as counting from one through to four,
Deal with imperfections do not mask a flaw,
You will get directions that you should not ignore,
Love, truth and honesty will open many doors,
Sometimes what you see will make you want to pause,
To live your life happily - you will have to find a cause,
Prepare for a battle, but you will . . . . win the wars,
I have told you what my future holds, now tell me about yours . . . . .
And when you are finished, I will give you a round of applause.
Yours Most Sincerely,
Hendrow.
Rainbow Eyes, I wrote this in 2013 I think, I find it 'therapeutic' to 'talk about it' by writing it down, it more often than not presents itself as a poem. I am discovering that others too find it helpful to read. I am therefore writing more and more nowadays. The plan is to get it published, then I will be 'semi-famous' people will be able to say that they first met me on here. (A Genuine Smile, grows across Hendrows face.) I will take that question as a compliment too Rainbow Eyes, Thank You.