I feel stupid for thinking I have autism/adhd and I don't know what to do or who to turn to

Apologies if this a mess but I'm not having a very good time right now. 

I really dont know what to do anymore, my life is pointless and i cant achieve anything, no matter how much I try, I just seem to never get anywhere, I try and try but I get no where.

I can't seem to be able to anything, I feel empty, tired and this feeling of such disconnection from the world.

Life feels like I'm constantly looking in, can't make friends, I try and do what others do in social situations but it feels like I'm pretending, there's no connection, it's almost like I'm seeking specific emotions but their not there and it's a thought of emotion and not the emotion itself.

I feel so stupid but autism and adhd just make so much sense to me, i talked to my doctor about adhd (not Audhd though) and they just look at me and sigh, i felt like they thought i was an idiot for bringing it up,  im 40 now and i just wanted help or some way of figuring out what the hell is wrong with me.

I've looked up alot and everything i read it ticks every box but i cant explain why to someone else because words suck, the sensory overloads( I've only just figured out where I work is a huge trigger for this, I'm always having days off where I have completely lost all thought and reason and just broke down) stimming (I always having to be touching/fiddling with something, even just brushing my hand across something not being able to connect with anyone, I have a thousand voices in my head telling me to do something at the same time so I end up doing nothing, I use video games as an escape from this.

I came across a term the other day "executive dysfunction" and boy did that make so much sense to me.

Let's talk about my emotions... I'm beyond sensitive and I don't understand any of them, what is love, what does it feel like to connect with someone?  I'm so lonely, never had a long term relationship, I'm bloody 40 now, wtf is wrong with me.

I feel like I've bottled up everything to be able to fit in but pretending is exhausting in but the i guess they come in other ways? and I've never been able to keep a job jldue to days off.

most of my life I have always stayed away from everything and everyone, friends, family and social situations because I couldnt handle it and when I do go for it; I always fail.

I've always been mental issues, depressed, anxiety and just empty but not empty at the same time, I'm having a hard time even trying to make sense of everything, I stretch out my arm to grab  at anything; emotions/connection/understanding but it's just a fleeting thought that drifts away and I'm back at the beginning again.

What do I do...