Published on 12, July, 2020
I have been behaving very inappropriately with one certain friend the burner phone going over his uninvited back months ago but he always comes back in the end but feel I don’t deserve it. As a person with ASD and ADHD I react out of impulse do now think later instead of it being the other way around. I am trying to change my ways but I worry about him I’m obsessive over him but I am working on improving that and I have made some improvements like seeing my other friends going to board game groups even having days where we don’t speak we just say good night and that’s it. I feel like a bad person all these mistakes people say it’s me being human but what sort of a human being goes out to buy a burner phone just to check up on a friend who wants space after a falling out? What drove me to it other than impulse I really don’t know and the worse thing about it is I can’t even tell the people involved the truth without driving them away. I know my behaviour is inappropriate but I always act before I think I get paranoid and think worse case scenario and then I have to do something about it instead of thinking stop think use logic. I have contacted the mind charity to see if I can get therapy because I know I need to stop my behaviour before it gets worse. But how can I swap the act and think over? I am really struggling with that one.
Learn to be selfish with your feelings and not share them immediately. They’re simply messengers and they’ll come and go. The problem is WHAT they signal, needs a great deal of decoding. And this takes learned skills.
We live in a demanding world. So much so that we are even taught to be slaves to every thought and feeling while being expected not to- its a trap!. Unless you’re born into wealth, you can even be taught that you don’t have a right or the freedom to Take the Necessary Time needed to make a rational decision. This is also a lie..
it’s important to allow the feelings to exist while not acting of them, just breathing (or crying) through them. Rather than denying them, write them down. Allow yourself to feel and process them. Wait for the intensity to subside before making any decisions. This can take a decade to master like any art. But commit to the process of becoming who you envision your future self to be.
One thing about being human involves Control. Everyone has control issues to one degree or another. And coupled with intense feelings and incorrect expectations, these control issues can be our demise. It’s important to recognise when trying to control others, but without this we wouldn’t be able to seize control of our selves, and slowly employ self disciplines which are emotionally hard in the moment but create future positive consequences which we feel proud of or relief from.
It’s the intensity of impact which is unique to Au/ADHD. Everything else is Nature vs Reason and we might not have gotten the subliminal message with how to respond, so find ourselves in need of instruction and wisdom. Being open like you have can only help you grow!
have a look at this Instagram account and scroll down to a Reel on Autistic Limerence. It may resonate. www.instagram.com/thearticulateautistic
When I say selfish and not share, I am referring to situations in person like you’ve described.
by sharing what you’re going through anonymously here, there’s already a degree of healthy separation and room for other to choose if they wish to engage- including yourself.