Published on 12, July, 2020
At least 2 people recently have asked about this, and I didn't get round to responding, so here goes:
Step 1: Always be open and honest with the person you're trying to make friends with.
Step 2: Give each other a detailed description of your personalities. In theory, you instantly know each other well enough to know whether you like each other then.
Step 3: Ask questions about each other. I've got into trouble before for asking too many questions; I think 3 per e-mail should be about the right number though.
It's worked 2 out of 2 times for me when I've tried this method with people I've been in touch with by private message on here. We got on so well that I made friends with each of them in less than 2 weeks! So it seems to work.
I hope that's helpful for people.
Hi Mark
Your tips are good for making friends on this forum, with other ND people.
However, some people want to make friends with people they know in their offline lives, most of whom will be NT, and in that situation I'm afraid it's not a good idea to give someone a detailed description of your personality in your first conversation with them. So for that situation, here are my ideas:
Join an organisation or club - such as a choir, art group, chess club - whatever interests you - or volunteer for a cause you care about. Then you will be meeting people with a common interest.
Look for opportunities to talk to people. Say "Hi, how are you?" or " isn't the weather horrible today?" to try to start a conversation. Keep the conversation going by listening to the other person and giving short replies (think of conversation as a ping pong game) If someone starts to talk about something you like, don't do a monologue about it. Ask them about themselves too, such as what music they enjoy. People usually like to talk about themselves, so follow up on things they say with a question, for example if they say they play guitar, you could ask "how long have you been playing?" or " what songs do you play?"
Think about how you project yourself to others - it's nice when someone smiles at you, so try to smile at them. If you can't maintain eye contact, try focussing on a different part of their face or just above their shoulder.
Everyone likes it when other people make them feel good. You can do this to others by asking them for help with something (such as choosing a gift for a member of your family) offering help - with carrying boxes, for example - or giving a compliment, such as "I like your shoes". The compliment can be followed up with a question such as "where did you buy them?"
Once you have had a conversation with someone, if you feel you could be friends then ask them if they would like to meet up another time, which will allow you both to share contact details.
Once you have started a friendship, be reliable, trustworthy, and a good listener when they have problems - and always remember their birthday.