Published on 12, July, 2020
So, masking is not all bad, right? That is my opinion atleast. I think everybody masks, just some more than others, and I think masking is necessary sometimes.
Or maybe I have some definition of masking that's different.
Anyway, one thing I learnt when unmasking was that I didn't need to do things that are the norm, whether it was something others were telling me or I was telling myself, for example, I don't have to force myself to get my driving license, or that I don't have to follow the same schedule as others.
But I'm struggling to know when to do things I do not want but might need.
Here are some things that are in my mind:
I hope I've explained it clearly. Thanks for reading!
Hi Cosmo
No, masking is not all bad, yes, everyone does it to a certain extent.
Realising that you don't need to do things that are "the norm" really is liberating. I don't have a driving licence either, and don't want one.
Why do you feel you need to make connections? It probably would be good for you, as most humans benefit from contact with others, but I don't think it would help you to make connections just for a career - those type of relationships are hollow and difficult to maintain. The best reason to try to make connections is because you feel lonely and you want to share interests and experiences with others, and hopefully learn from them.
I wouldn't bother entering a competition I wasn't interested in. I'm not sure why you think it's the rational thing to do, but it's not rational if you will get bored and tired.
Look for clubs or groups to join that do something you are interested in - that way you can start conversations more naturally with others about your interests, which could lead to friendships.
The only things anyone "needs" to do are to get a job or claim benefits if they live independently (without support from family) to provide shelter, warmth and food. It's also best not to break any laws and to be polite to other people. Everything else is optional.
Thanks for your great reply!
The reasons I thought making connections would be good for me are that I think I need to learn to be better at socializing as a future architect, also, the only people I know are my family members which makes me feel isolated, cause I think they, specially my mother, have mindsets that rub off on me and sometimes I struggle to see things in different perspectives, does that make sense? I'm not that interested in sharing my interests, I do that with my brother or online and that is enough for me, I guess I'm more interested in learning from others.
I guess the reason I thought entering the competition is rational was cause I think it exposes me? Or because it's something new it'd teach me something? But yeah, overall, it's not rational to do something not fun which was supposed to be fun.
Being an architect would be interesting, although I would find it difficult dealing with the clients and doing what they wanted, particularly if I thought my ideas were better but they didn't like them. Do you really need to "socialise" as an architect though? Surely you only need to be able to communicate your ideas, which are partly done with drawings?
I understand what you mean about other people's mindset rubbing off on you, but I believe that can happen to anyone, not just autistic people. Seeing things in different perspectives takes time to learn. I started to change my perspective by reading books and articles about how neurotypical people perceive things and communicate, not to change myself, but to understand them better. I can recommend "A field guide to earthlings" by Ian Ford as a.starting point, if you are interested in doing that.
Thanks for the recommendation!