male female etc,

Yes, reading abloner made me think of Henry Miller...

I know this thread is six years or seven years old depending if you start at the initial post,,,but felt it was amazing, I don’t know if any of the contributors are still here but two names,,hope. And mozlady seem familiar,

Anyway I was researching Male and female aspie traits as you do and saw this as a “Related topic on the right of screen,

I found abloner extremely eloquent and the words used were so fluent it was like reading a beuatiful poem,

So it has an interesting topic for discussion. Sexuality and ambiguous sexual orientation.

I am male and have certain desires as a male, but I seem to connect with the female mind more so than Male!

Is it that I do not understand the NT male thought process? And it is not that I fit with female thinking just that I find it easier to feel emotion,sensitivity, I am deeply effected if I see suffering or pain,even injustice can make me feel physical pain.is this how I seem to connect easier. I am of coarse talking NT female although I connect with such lovely caring women on here too.

Over my life I have learnt to cope by hiding my emotions” be tough” but as I get older 54 I seem less able or not willing to hide who I am!

so plenty to discuss, enjoy and be happy()

Cause incompetence I posted twice this. It should be under Old people etc.

Now that I am near the end of the voyage through this barren planet I realize that it’s not that I have been deprived of the peaceful pleasures of living, but that I have always been fed, in my determination to act, do things, defend my body from sickness, respect some laws, try to maintain myself with some futile job, by “the carrot before the donkey” system, by the richness of meals which I could glimpse through a door ajar. Sometime someone realized I was there and threw to me some piece of bread, like you do with some hungry dog passing nearby. The door ajar might be the resume of my life, probably of the life of most of us. It’s different from mere deprivation, because I (we) have been cheated all the time. So “The Door Ajar” might be the title of a blog for all of us who live and have lived in our condition. And I am convinced that a kind of “doctrine” of the “door ajar” is enticing us all the time in the approach to our anorexic kind. That the solution prepared for us is not participation (impossible, impossible!), but cheating us with the carrot. A kind of softened apartheid.

It might be something like this: you play tennis with him. He doesn’t know the rules of tennis. He understands soccer and understands that you are in game with him. He wants to win, but knows only the rules of soccer. So he answers in soccer language. Changes subjects and uses the rules he knows. In being strong in a different kind of rules, he tries to shift the rules in order not to feel in the defensive.

In this sort of context I rather favour Digby Tantam's theory about bandwidth ("Can the World Afford Autistic Spectrum Disorder? Nonverbal Communication, Asperger Syndrome and the Interbrain"  jKP 2009).

In part it is the difficulty in processing the amount of information coming in (which can be a great deal more than NTs would expect) when the capacity to process is much less. 

But I also wonder here whether the subjects that interest, comfort zone special interests, intrude themselves into uncomfortable or hard to integrate dialogue (please can I talk about something I'm comfortable with?).

When you say having a conversation with him what do you mean by that? Is it a conversation he initiates then breaks off from? Or is it a conversation you want to have with him about his intentions or behaviour? If the latter I think you owe it to him to appreciate that he may be experiencing extreme distress. Slow down. Break the questions into manageable bits. Give him time.

My little boy can do that, i never understood why - untill know. When having a conversation with him he will act up shake his hands and he then will move on to something else before we have even finish the converstation we started. So he is doing this because the conversation is going to quick for him to process what is being said to him. Is that what your saying above? This moment of instight is actually really important because when he does this it cause confusion and upset all round and we all get and feel very frustrated.

thank you everyone - very intresting and enlightning.

I usually lose any control of myself if I plunge in a conversation with somebody. Some short exchanges are structurally short lived (like with a shopkeeper, or if you ask an information to a passerby in the street). But if the conversation has some consistence and durance I lose completely control and I need often a long time to reconstruct the bubble in which I live (in which I only may live). One technique I employ with some success is to devote myself to solitaries for some time after quitting the exchange. As solitaries (free cell for example) engage the left hemisphere only, I hypothesize that engaging the left hemisphere I may put the right one at work to rebuild my emotional bubble. I may suggest that this is one reason for which people in the autistic spectrum tend to “lecture” others. Lecturing others about some subject you think you know well avoids dialogue and maintains your false “integrity”.

When I am with a group of people for too long, I get increasingly hyperactive to the point where I can't stop talking and I begin to interrupt other people: my ability to control my AS founders and I feel increasingly impulsive and hyper.  Then, when I leave the situation, my anxiety levels can become unbearable. This happened to me yesterday on the bus home, after having been to a social group. I just had to release my tension by tapping the seat in front of me, flapping my hands, talking to myself and rocking. This is very embarrassing for me, but I can no longer 'act normal' at this point. The rocking takes away my tension, it stops  losing control; I was worried that I was going to have a panic attack yesterday as it felt like I was going to pass out with exhaustion

You build a bubble and you live there for sometime in a relative peace, filtering, sometimes blocking, sometimes sieving external inputs: once in a while, or perhaps often, as there is a persisting longing for that in the background, you are forced to open ajar an interstice, if not a window or a door (too dangerous, too dangerous!) and you administer with frugality the air entering, the voices, the words of people

I'm glad you've raised this one abloner. I think it is one of the issues NAS needs to look at. As you say sexuality differences involve some degree of concealment and putting up a false front - "leading a double life".  And before anyone says "what's this got to do with autism?" well, apart from the fact that many people on the spectrum experience ambiguous sexual orientation (just its not done to talk about it), many people on the spectrum, just on account of the spectrum, are forced to lead double lives.

To be able to survive in the NT world, many people on the spectrum act up a more competent profile, learn to mimick the expected mannerisms, use the right words and phrases, and gestures, so we can get on with our lives. But NT expectations of "fitting in" are very high, and one of the factors I suspect makes it hardest for people on the spectrum is that many NTs see trying to put on an act as deceit. They'd rather see disabled people act inadequate or stupid, so they can type-cast them and salve their consciences.

There is a very real need to campaign to make NTs aware that people on the spectrum trying their best to fit in should at least be tolerated (and preferably congratulated) for trying.