Published on 12, July, 2020
Hiya, I have written a few times on here now. After my last post about a toxic friendship, I decided to stand up to the girls and say that I was feeling left out. They told me it was "my fault" and they told people not to talk to me. Mature, yes but I have not been able to get out of bed all week because of how upset I have been. I was always very paranoid around these girls, one knew I had aspergers and used that information to make me upset.
I recently found a new group of girls. They are the sweetest girls and are a lot more like me, studious, love reading. I feel me when I am with them. I know the next part is going to sound bad but this community has helped me so much, even just as a space to get it all out. These lovely girls aren't "popular" and don't go to house parties or drink at the weekends, which is the same as me. I have a few friends in the "popular" group- not close friends- and I am worried that they won't want anything to do with me if I am not as "popular as before" - I am a complete geek and very quiet-. With my Asperger's, I constantly worry what people think of me and if they like me and if I am being socially acceptable( very tiring if you are the same). I know this sounds awful, and you may think I am a horrible person for saying this, I feel bad for thinking this. I love these girls though and I know I shouldn't care what people think of me. But I do. Does anyone have any tips on learning how to not give a thought to what people think? I am so sorry if you think I am a horrible person, I am bad at phrasing things and I am ashamed I have this thought process. These are the only real friends I have had in years.
Thank you so much, I hope you are all doing okay x
Jess
Hi Jess,
I'm glad that you've dropped the toxic group of "popular" people for a better set of friends that are more like you. It already sounds like you're happier with this new group. You mention that you're worried at some friends in the "popular" group won't be friends with you now because you're not as popular? Then it's clear that they are friends with your popularity first, and your personality second, and these people aren't good friends. They value what you have, over who you are, and no good friend does that!
I don't think it's an uncommon worry to have at school - in that environment, popularity is seen as such an important thing when it isn't at all! Caring about what others think of you is normal, but the difference lies in how much weight you give those opinions. Everyone has their own opinion, and they aren't always accurate - you can't please everyone. Be proud of who you are, be confident in yourself, and be assured in what you think - others' opinions are only important if you let them.
I know that you've been friends with these "popular" girls for years, but things have changed - they are treating you badly, and you need to do what is best for your happiness. These "popular" girls aren't helping you doing that - drop them, and live happily with your new set of friends, the ones who will make you happy and treat you well!x
Much love <3