Hello I am nearly 43. I have 6 children from 2 marriages. 3 probably 4 of my children are ASD one very severely so and he's non verbal and speaks via an IPad. Also 3/4 of my children have ADHD as well. I got diagnosed with ADHD last year but scored very highly in ASD questionnaires. Doc was thrown by me because I can make eye contact. Didn't tell him that actually I was looking at the bridge of his nose which is what I've always done.
I also talk incessantly to the point that I bore people so I 'appear' social. I kind of do realise after a bit that I have 'captured' someone and they are looking at the clock so I'm not totally devoid of social understanding and signs!
I'm just really interested to meet some late diagnosed men and women to ask you questions and hear about how you have coped your whole life. I've just spent my whole life knowing I was different and odd despite looking regular. I keep social interactions short so that people can't tell because I can't keep up an act for very long though I can do it and I go into "role" mode.
As I've got older I care less about being liked and so I am more 'me' than not me. All of my friends are a bit odd as well. Prior to even thinking I was ASD I described myself like 'Marmite' some people absolutely love it and can't get enough and others really don't like it and can't understand why anyone else does either :(
I am far too 'honest' for most people but some do appreciate it but most do not:O
I find it very difficult to be fake or two faced and if I'm your friend then I am totally your friend otherwise I'm indifferent.
I find lying directly very difficult but can 'not offer' the truth. I can't hide the way I feel, almost impossible. I have a vocabulary which far exceeds my education and I kind of collect words. I also collect song lyrics and I have a special skill or being able to just roll off an entire song that I've not heard for twenty years at the drop of a hat if something triggers the memory banks. IQ in the top 5% but not a GCSE to my name. I've got an odd sense of humour.
Also big sensory issues. I don't like certain smells, the feel of some fabrics, lights and I can't stand busy places with lots of people.
I often don't get why things upset people. Terrible with give and take of conversations which is even worse on the phone and often embarrassing.
I kind of live life like playing a game of chess and started playing chess at about age 5.
I really don't like people beating around the bush and I can't stand small talk or pointless talk. When I text I don't do the whole, Hi, how are you, yes fine, how are you - no, no, no! If you get a message from me I will just say what I want to ask you. Then I might ask you how you are afterwards when i realise that I should have done that first because now you will think I'm impolite.
I do really care about people and love my children to bits.
I have suffered with anxiety a fair bit which is usually provoked by sensory issues.
Hate change, love routine and don't like routine being messed with. Also plans don't like plans being changed suddenly.
I couldn't change any of the above even if I wanted to.
I am not diagnosed yet but does any of this sound familiar?
Have taken loads of tests and answered them honestly and I usually get high scores. I don't have any developmental delay.
Thanks in advance.
Such intellectual impatience is fine. I used to work for an investment bank...phoning Milan.. the instant the receiver of the phone was lifted., “pronto”
just cannot do all that pointless talk, really can't. It's painful and why do people do it. Why do people ask needlessly how you are if they don't actually really want to know? Or care lol Sometimes I throw them just for fun and actually tell them exactly how I feel in the hope that they will never do it again :O that is what I mean about 'odd sense of humour' . . . Why must we be insincere to be social? I often think there is nothing wrong with me but everything wrong with other people but clearly that isn't the case.
Also spent so many years just not liking myself very much. I look at people who seem to be liked by everyone and I admire it but I realise I just could not dilute myself like that so that people liked me but clearly to some it just comes so naturally and to me it doesn't. I don't do anything too terrible just to be clear.
At school I used to take in 300 page novels to read at playtime when I was about 8 years old while all the other kids played hopscotch or whatever. I remember headteacher saying Jackie Collins is not appropriate reading material for an 8 year old :O eek :-/ lol
loooooool the small talk is Painful!! We have only so much time on this planet and why do they choose to waste time in this way!
Also to me it’s a talking for talkings sake! A sign that you likely have zero in common and really should quickly end the interaction
Im not going to apologise as I would to a NT person for saying you don’t seem to be regular because actually as you know it’s a massive compliment that they wouldn’t get but you would!
Yes small talk is still better than gossip. I don’t gossip for two reasons 1) I’ve probably already told the person what I feel 2) gossipers are usually dishonest and in turn would gossip about you just the same.
Gossip also requires that the next time you see the person that you be fake around them and I’m not able to do it. I can either be quiet and say nothing or I will say what I think !!
in these circumstance I have to get away quite quickly!!
i have on occasion said something about someone but usually with an objective point of view and I make a mental note to tell them next time I see them if I haven’t already
i love hearing you describe yourself because I think it’s the first time in a long time that I haven’t felt alone. This is so important.
i suspect I’ve been a black sheep and have just found a herd of black sheep!
Though I don’t like the undertones of the whole black sheep analogy because it implies white is good and black is not Do you over think ??
Don't worry about it, I think all of us on here are 'guilty' of over-thinking (I know I certainly am!!) and I say we should Own It - after all, what's the alternative? To superficially skim over everything as NT's appear to? No thanks!
I don't think it's "brutal" at all to see friendships as a mutually beneficial exchange, I honestly believe that, at their most basic level, every relationship is! (With the possible exception of the relationship we have with our children but even then I'm not convinced because we DO get enjoyment, pride, love and many other things from them in exchange for all that we give in return. Hmmm, I wonder if that's why I was never a fan of the under-10-month-old stages :O SHOCK, HORROR!!! A parent who admits to not particularly liking babies.)
My children have survived and are well and truly loved so I don't feel the need to apologise for seeing them as little time-and-energy leaches for their first few months on the planet. After the gunge-in-gunge-out cycle ended I absolutely LOVED getting to know them as little people and, to me at least, the toddler years were a never ending reward for putting up with them at their blob stage.
Spaghetti on the head and sliding down the face? Hell, why not! I loved the ridiculousness of the toddler years! I also think, as an un-diagnosed Aspie, I really got into the "Why?" stage. "Why can't I go out to play in a nappy and a pair of wellies?", "Actually, small enquirer, why not indeed?" (Yeah, i may have embellished the words a bit but you get my meaning.) I truly believe my children taught me at least as much as I ever taught them and definitely helped me to loosen up a LOT over the years. (You CANNOT keep up a facade / mask with your toddler with you!!!)
I've even discussed the whole thing about relationships being, basically, mutually beneficial exchanges with my partner (who isn't ASD) and he doesn't appear to think it's cold. Obviously he knows I care about him too but I don't think "I'm a horrible cow." or "I'm a ***" because I'm able to be honest about it. If others think that, that's their problem. Anyway, I read somewhere that ALL strong women are labelled 'bitches' by inadequate men and jealous women so I think I'm fine with that label too :-) and I can certainly identify with the Meredith Brooks song '***', especially the line "and I do not feel ashamed!".
As for gossip, I agree with everything you both said about that but have to add that I'd be terrible at it even if I did want to join in because I have a very poor memory! (especially with things that don't interest me)
Really NAS? The name of a female dog is unacceptable? Is this an adult chat forum or a childcare facility?
(To Endymion. I Post this, assuming that you are still "new", here. I am not completely following this Thread, sorry, yet I spotted your own last Post. There is a thing, here, which is called an "Automatic Censor", which causes certain words to show up as *** or similar. If you wish to continue, try doing as you did, there, or leaving SPACES inbetween letters, like this:
"***" = B i t c h, "***" = Q u e e r, "Tit" = T i t, *** = B a s t a r d...
In common vernacular, some of these words are used as terms of "abuse" and so that is why they are "automatically" censored, regardless of context.)
Thank you and always welcome your contribution...
life can be an =***! X
A r s e
(Even before I can exit the page, I see two replies from "Talented Mute...?! I did not mean to change the subject, and so I am leaving this Thread now.)
it's shame really that computers are not advanced enough to understand context, I mean as forward as we think technology is, it really isn't at all is it . . . and the human mind is by far more complex. When attempts are made at replicating some of the things that the human mind/body is capable of with technology these are really quite awkward, backwards and clumsy still.
You know, I was thinking about that recently with regards to AI. All attempts at AI eventually come up against that barrier - the logical processes that govern it cannot quite master all of the subtleties of everyday human interactions such as sarcasm and idioms.
Apparently 'Care Bots' can be taught, by logical processes, to show compassion and express sympathy but because of their failure to actually empathise (de-code and actually FEEL the other person's emotion accurately) they can sometimes appear cold or as if they're deliberately being rude or uncaring.
Although many of these 'robots' can execute small-talk, apparently they can 'fail' on occasion to carry it off smoothly because of their occasional literal answers to rhetorical questions.
Sound familiar to anyone?
I wonder if any AI researchers have tried to link their work to that of scientists studying ASD?
There’s a fair chance the AI programmers were ASD.... lol.... they’re clever sods!