Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello. I would like to know how to cope with my friend with Asperger’s.
We were good friends. However, the more we become close, the more we argue. I think this is because that we do not understand to each other. Or I should rather say thay it is so hard for me to understand her way of thinking or perceptions....(she says she understands me but she does not sadly...)
We both had tough times last year. We were so stressed out in own issues. I do admit that I was sometimes nasty and horrible to her. I am shamed to say that I have shouted at her so many times. If I am allowed to excuse for it, this was because I was just not be able to put up with her extreme negativity and strong obsession with wanting to tell her favourite things which I do not like to hear and to correct the meaning of the words I used (my mother language is not English) during having important discussions and/or everyday conversations.
Since she was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome, for me, she now excuses everything that she cannot do or change because of having Asperger’s. It really does not work for me... She has said to me once that I am neurotypical that is why I do not understand her. It may be true but sounded really cold and I felt a big barrier between us.
She found a kind of soul mate who has also Asperger’s in SNS. She is very happy and it makes her strong. She said to me that that person really understood her and made her feel very comfortable. I felt very jealous and was not happy at all because I am suffering from not being able to understand her as a real life friend exchanging many private and life issues but she admires her virtual friend....
I almost decided to end up our friendship because I do not know how to manage my emotions with her. I do not want to but I do become short tempered. Also, she believes in what her SNS friend says and telephone Asperger’s psychiatrist advice only now. She ignores my calls eventually. That is actually psychiatrist’s advice because I shout at her...My close friends advise me to finish this friendship because of wasting time...I really liked her and thought that I could make a great friendship with her though.....I do not know why our friendship became so bad...
Could anyone kindly tell me how to cope with this situations and a friend with Asperger’s, please?
A lot of posts have disappeared.
I don't know what to make of you after this.
I have read your long posts in the past and you seemed a nice guy and I deleted my posts because I didn't want to offend you or anyone else in here, I acted out of respect.
There never was any intention to be spokesperson for everyone, my posts were meant to be a means of pointing out that this person could not make assumptions about everyone from knowing just one person. So when I saw your post I thought oh no, I didn't meant to do that at all and I wiped them out to keep the peace with you and anyone else who thought the same.
NAS35494 8 minutes ago in reply to LonewarriorI stand corrected outside the headmasters office for detention and 40 lashes.
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Hey no joke,
i have been shaken so hard by teachers I threw up,
i had many things thrown at me,
i had verbal abuse at school, teachers bullying me at infants school.
Thank fully the cane was banned just as I was going up to middle school.
I wish you well.
I personally think once a reply is posted it should not be able to edit it.
Please feel free to read my long rambles, I am not a nasty guy, I don’t go round telling folks what they should do or say.
take care, x()x
oh and apologies for the hugs() It is something I do often, they are virtual as I don’t do hugs in reality..just ignore them if they offend.
I stand corrected outside the headmasters office for detention and 40 lashes.
Thank you. The thing is once you had replied and your words were read by the original poster, they may have been words that changed the way they thought about things? I read your words andvresponded, to then just delete them like that is so wrong,
For instance if I say something really nasty to you and you are upset by my words and it causes you pain and sorrow, should I then be allowed to run away delete my unkind words and say no not me?,
It is important to leave replies to give accountability to our actions,
you could have been strong and apologised but left your words there.
I will never tell anyone what they should say or do, I can suggest if I think it May help. I can ask politely that if something causes me to feel concern then they might think about not doing it again!
If I cause upset I like to think the person I upset or someone who notices my error will be polite enough to tell me, that way I learn and can try harder to be more thoughtful.
x()x
,
) ( said:
I am not wishing to play this silly game any longer,
i politely asked for you to not include me in your thoughts, so far you have deleted and edited nearly all of your Replies?
Quite why I do not know, you have made my replies look rediculouse, you make me out to be a liar by saying I am editing my replies, I have had to copy and paste yours as they keep changing,Well you cannot edit the copies I have posted.
i am off to sleep now, delete everything if you like but your replies I copied will stay.
i havebthe screen captured ones if I need them, I shall read them and reassure myself I am not going crazy.
I deleted and edited the earlier ones to remove them so they wouldn't offend you, it had not occured to me that they would have that effect of making you look ridiculous, it was not an intention at all.
I am not intending to make you out a liar, I asked if you had edited your post, not called you a liar, just asked if you had edited yours, then the responses grew from there.
i have no problem with you, I have just been trying to make amends but it seems to have made it worse.
Maybe your words weren't there in the first place then - shame I didn't copy/quote them. I have no option but to take your word for it as I have no proof otherwise, so thus you are right that my mind is playing games with me.
I have no intention to make you seem ridiculous by stating things and then changing my words. I changed them because you pointed out my error in using us/we and so I deleted those posts as I didn't want to offend everyone with them. I was acting out of respect to you and others by removing my words.
Take care and I wish you much happiness, () x()
NAS35494 10 minutes ago in reply to LonewarriorYou pointed out my error - it was a good call, honestly it was, so I deleted my posts.
I could have replaced us/we with I/me but I couldn't be bothered, what if miss any? wasn't worth the effort, so I deleted them!
NAS35494 2 minutes ago in reply to LonewarriorNo you didn't say that I was angry, but you referred to anger/angry and now it isn't there.
You said that i do not know how you feel or think etc and I was replying that likewise you do not know the same about me - so read that more carefully before you reply, I was saying the same goes for me as it does for you in that respect.
You say my words are not there now?
you edited and deleted nearly all of your replies?, Maybe your mind is playing games with you?
I shall keep copying your replies as you seem to be trying to make me seem ridiculous by stating things and then changing your words,
you should be more careful before Changing your words.
.
No you didn't say that I was angry, but you referred to anger/angry and now it isn't there.
Hey I didn’t mean to upset you. I never said you should delete your words,I despise anyone who tries to tell me what I should say or not,
i posted my rely to you so that it was plain for all to see my opinion varied from yours.
I make mistakes I am the first to admit I get things wrong. I am dyslexic,ADHD and Aspergers, some combination, I think my way, you think yours, we both have a right to be heard, keep talking and be strong.
I deleted where I could and where it was not allowed I edited my posts because: -
I never intended to elect myself as spokesperson for everyone on here and I hadn't realised that my inadvertent use of us/we made it look like that was what I was doing. So after you pointed that out to me, I thought it better to delete the posts.
I didn't want to be misunderstood as angry.
NAS35494 8 minutes ago in reply to LonewarriorDid you edit your post? I was responding to text stating that I seemed to be angry and to be raising my voice....maybe I went cross eyed and read two posts at once.......whatever! But that's what I was replying to, so I hope that gives some clarification.
I am absolutely fine thank you.
Where I cannot delete them I have edited them due to the points you made to me about my inadvertent use of us and we and my not wanting to be misunderstood as being angry or electing my self as a spokesperson for everyone here. So to diffuse the situation and prevent any misunderstandings.
If it helps at all I screen captured all the replies on here as my memory is rather bad, I could repost them if you Like?
you have made my replies look wrong.narebyountrying tonhide something,
I see you edited most of yourbreplies? thus rendering my reply useless and misunderstood, you must have reason to hide your Words?
why delete your true thoughts?
Did you edit your post? I was responding to text stating that I seemed to be angry and to be raising my voice....maybe I went cross eyed and read two posts at once.......whatever! But that's what I was replying to, so I hope that gives some clarification.
Your reply to me?
NAS35494 1 hour ago in reply to LonewarriorThanks for pointing out my errors in use of us, we etc, it was remiss of me to use those words to make some points.
There was no intention to elect myself as a speaker for everyone here in those posts.
Likewise you do not know what I am thinking or how I am feeling and I assure you that I am not angry so I would appreciate it if you didn't refer to me as being so.
I did not say you were angry?
and I certainly did not say I knew how you feel or what you think. You cannot begin to know what I feel or how I care.
Please read my reply more carefully before you reply.
“NAS35494 13 minutes ago in reply to LonewarriorNot angry. No raised voice. Not taken personally.
Calm pragmatic analysis.
Thank you for your concern.”
I don’t understand your reply to me?
i did not say you were angry or that you raised your voice?
are you ok? You keep deleting or editing your posts!
can I be of any help to you
?
Not angry. No raised voice. Not taken personally.
Thank you for your concern.
Thanks for pointing out my errors in use of us, we etc, it was remiss of me to use those words to make some points.